"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." (Judy Garland)
It is very challenging to be ourselves, especially when we are surrounded with so many messages of how to be someone else. I find this particularly difficult from a work perspective. I spent many years in a work environment that was very clear on what was desired behaviour. Work intensely, be proud and boast that you are just way too busy ("crazy busy" was our favorite expression), always have fifteen different things you are working on at the same time, show up for meetings just a little bit late (you certainly didn't want people to think that you were free to show up on time or, gasp!, early), work well past normal quitting hours ("yikes, he left at 5:45 last night, I'd better stay until 6:15"), and if you actually had the chance to work all night, well, everyone you worked with heard you complain the next day (because you CERTAINLY didn't take the next day off!).
I work very differently now, but I have a really hard time getting over the feeling that I SHOULD be working like everyone else. Since I work from home, my commute is exactly 20 seconds (from the kitchen to my office, if I walk slowly). So, do I get up at 6am, rush to take a shower and shove some breakfast down my throat to be at my computer at 6:15? Umm, no. I usually read something while I eat, to get me in the beat or inspire me on days when I spend a lot of time writing. I take lots of little breaks, especially when my cats wander into my office. Some days, I don't really take time for lunch...it seems to break my concentration. Other days, I take myself out for lunch because I do need to break my concentration to return with a fresh outlook on certain challenges. One habit I have kept from my formal office days: I tend to work late into the day before calling it quits. (this doesn't always work well when I am spread out on the kitchen table and my boyfriend wants to make dinner for his kids, but we're adapting).
As I write this, I think: hey, I've made some really positive changes. But I still feel guilty! I'm a small business owner, I should be working 18 hours a day. I should have a Blackberry or iPhone so I can check my messages constantly, wouldn't want to miss a business opportunity! I've been programmed so well on how to compete professionally, I'm having a hard time breaking the mental habit. But then I think, why did I make such a radical change in my professional life if it was not aimed at instilling some very different and individual work patterns? Am I not more productive working the way I work today? After all, I do my best thinking and writing early in the day and my best learning later in the day (I've known this since my university days). And taking small breaks to rescue my cat from his perch above the bookcase several times a day does help me stretch my back.
So rather than direct more discipline towards my work habits, I'm going to direct more discipline on my mental habit of needing to be the hardest worker. I'm going to try to simply be a first-rate me and leave the Blackberries and crazy work hours to people who work better that way.
