Ignoring the great in front of us

I promised last Friday that I would complete the thought I had started, which was why we ignore all the great things that are in front of us. Sorry it has taken so long, I wanted to get in a few other blogs to set the stage. But I'm finally ready to talk about this. I can summarize my thoughts in just a few words: we are addicted to adrenaline.

I'm not just talking about younger generations who have been raised on video games, 140 word life updates and a new shorthand for texting and chatting. Sure, they have 0 attention spans, but we can't really blame them for that...we created the world that they are the result of. No, I'm talking about all of us.

Apart from a few short-lived economic downturns, we have lived extremely well for about 40 years. Don't get me wrong...if you have lost your job recently or in the past, or have had to deal with significant financial strain, or worse, personal grief and challenges, you might have a hard time agreeing. But on the whole, western societies have had it really good for a long time. Us baby boomers (yup, I'm JUST old enough to be one) watched our parents work hard to give us good lives, but somehow it hasn't been all that hard for us. For us and for the younger generations, life has been extremely good.

In fact, so good that it has become....boring. Yup, just not enough challenge to get us through the day. Don't forget that we have evolved from beings that had to fight just to eat every day. Our bodies are not adapting fast enough to our social evolution, so we still have all the physical responses to danger and stress. What's worse, the stress we experience today is less intense and more long-term, when you compare it to fighting off a wild cat to keep your family alive.

Think about the last time you went to an attraction park, you know, the ones with the huge rides. You went on the easier rides first, then built up your courage to go on the monster scarier-than-hell major attraction. Wow, you felt exhilarated when you got off! But three minutes later, you wanted to go again. Why? Because your body has a physical need to re-experience the adrenaline rush that was triggered by your fear on the ride. Just like the any other addiction, we become emotionally and chemically addicted to adrenaline.

This addiction follows us throughout our lives. So we create crises to become stressed so that we can feel that adrenaline rush once again. We need more intensity every day to get our fix. This is why the great things around us just don't seem all that great after they have been in our lives for a while. They don't produce that adrenaline rush. They become...ok. But because we need the adrenaline, we seek out something new, something that will be even more great!

So, what to do about this? How do we recapture the greatness of our fabulous lives? How do we stop the frantic search for something better?

My answer comes from a different type of question: how do we appreciate the great in front of us but still continue to strive for future greatness? By becoming clear on what we want and need in our lives. Once we know that, we can see the great that exists and can dream of the great that has not yet arrived.

I have a whole lot more to say on this, but I'll stop for today. Give it some thought and let me know what you think about all of this.

Why so tense?

Something weird happened today that got me thinking about positive vs negative energy. I got a phone call from someone I met at a networking event. We had exchanged business cards and had discussed some possible opportunities, but had not really landed on anything immediate that we wanted to work on together.

This person left me a frantic email (with lots of background noise) telling me to stop sending emails with embedded images, instead to send attachments. I thought he might be talking about the newsletter that I have been sending recently, but I thought it strange since I hadn't sent out a newsletter in a few weeks. His voice mail message was very aggressive, in the tone you would use when a telemarketer keeps calling you even though you have told them to take you off their calling list.

I called him back to understand what was going on. As far as I was concerned, I hadn't done anything to piss him off (I checked and he isn't even on my newsletter distribution list). When we spoke, he started talking about a project that had absolutely no relevance to my business. He had obviously mistaken me for someone else. He was so entranced by his frustration that he was convinced that he was working with me on this project. I corrected him and wished him good luck in finding whoever it was that he needed to talk to about this annoying email.

After I hung up, I got to thinking: what would make someone so frustrated about an email that he would get confused about who he was working with? And to be so rude to someone over the phone before even checking his details? I guess I could say that this person has no manners and is the kind of person who treats others like mud. But honestly, I don't think that it's as simple as that.

This fits in with the theories I've been spelling out in the book I am currently writing. People are caught up in a cycle of negativity and crisis. Everything is a disaster and you have to panic and do something, anything, to make it right again. Make a call, leave a voice mail, send an email response...augh!!!!!!!!!!! do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and then when you get it wrong, you beat yourself up and look for the next crisis to redeem yourself. Yikes!

Instead, why don't we stop for just a minute. Yep, I am taking a whole 60 seconds out of your day. Take a few deep breaths. Did you know that research has shown that just three deep breaths sends enough additional oxygen to your brain for you to think more clearly? Then look at whatever is causing you to panic in light of your objectives (for the day, for the week, for the month) and ask yourself: "ok, is this a big deal?". Sure, some things are big deals and you will have to address them quickly before they cause major damage. But so many other will not be. Not worrying about them will free up more than enough energy to address the big deals properly.

Try it, just once, and let me know what comes of your experiment. Suggest it to others that you work and live with when they come to you in a panic. I'd love to hear your feedback on this!

Zen and the art of expecting nothing

We interrupt this blog to bring you an unexpected message...

Ok, I'm supposed to finish my blog from Friday by explaining my theory as to why everything always has to be great for us to feel anything. Sorry, you'll have to wait until tomorrow for that commentary. (In the "industry", they call that a teaser :-)). Instead, I feel the need, as I'm sure many others are doing, to comment on the Olympics.

It may not be true of every household, but ours is always captivated by the Olympics. Something new, something exciting, hopes for Gold. Yesterday was "Super Sunday" as labelled by Canadian broadcasters. Lots of great events, lots of dreams of standing on the podium. The day started with tragic news: the mother of one athlete had passed away overnight. As if an omen, Canadians one by one disappointed their expectant audiences: we had been told to expect Gold in this event, at least a medal showing in that event, definitely a win in hockey. Not that I am complaining about our athletes' performances, trust me, I didn't even have the courage to watch when they showed the helmet-cam pictures of the ski-cross event; I think our athletes are two parts physical geniuses and one part crazy! Hats off to them!

But I want to comment on another aspect: expectation. If you do a bit of reading on eastern thinking, we should prepare for great events and then be ready for greatness to happen...but to have NO expectations. I've always struggled with this. A long time ago someone told me that the one word I needed to fully understand before I could be at peace with myself and the world was "surrender". Surrender to what will happen, to what will not happen. So, how do you balance that with all the talk about visualizing your desired results? We're supposed to focus on what we want (à la Law of Attraction) but at the same time surrender to the possibility of it not happening? Sorry, I'm confused...

This is tough thinking early in the morning...but I think maybe I have a glimpse of an idea of what this is all about. Maybe I'm being too literal. Maybe the visualization is not so specific (I'm watching this particular Canadian athlete receiving the gold medal), maybe it's more general (I'm watching our athletes cheer about how great they did, regardless of the outcome). Maybe it's not the catalog that Joe Vitale talks about in The Secret (you turn the pages and pick the things, people and experiences that you want to live), maybe it's more about picking the emotions you want to feel, the satisfactions you need to experience, the "wins" you wish to accomplish.

So I'm going to test this today (you can play along too, if you wish). I'm going to visualize getting a phone call that is going to make me yell "YES!!!!!" when I hang up. And a feeling of satisfaction at 4pm for a challenging piece of work I needed to complete. And a sudden reason to smile at 7:30 tonight. These are my expectations for the day. I'll let you know tomorrow how it all turned out.

(p.s., if you have thoughts about how to align eastern thinking with western living, please feel free to comment!)

Blogging energy

...or energy blogging? Actually, today it seems like the same thing. It's been over a month since I have found something of value to say in this blog. What's the problem, you ask? Well, I guess I've been out of positive energy.

I've been told that I'm the sort of person who tells it like it is. Never a particular good poker player, people who know me would say that I'm no good at hiding my feelings or my thoughts when I feel particularly strongly about something. I actually find this to be a hindrance in business sometimes. Not that I advocate being deceitful in business, but there is a certain amount of role-playing one must assume if one is to be a successful business leader or entrepreneur. At the core of this is being positive, even when things aren't going very well.

I suspect that there are a lot of people who had a tough 2009. Whether you were challenged in growing your business, keeping your job, or maintaining your credit card balances at reasonable levels, things just weren't all that great for many people. Certainly when we compare to others who have lost their homes, livelihoods or suffered other catastrophes, we managed quite well. But my guess is that a lot of people are looking at the bottom line (whether it be financial, personal or other) and wondering what happened to the abundance they enjoyed just a few years ago.

I am one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I have made a lot of significant changes in my life and I believe I made the right choices. And there are a lot of positive things going on now that would not be if I had not made those choices. So things are good. They just aren't....great. And I'm a person who likes great! I want great! I need great to feel like I am alive. I need great to feed my positive energy cycle, so I can continue taking the actions I need to complete my master plan for life greatness (as I define it).

Without at least some great in my life, I tend to overlook the good. My positive energy drops away. At the same time, I feel this expectation from the world to pretend that everything is ok. And, as I said above, I'm not very good at pretending. Which is why (finally, I get to the punch line), I haven't been able to blog much lately. I just don't feel like it would be right to say all kinds of positive things when I don't feel them. It's as if I would be preaching to you but not even believing what I am writing. Hmm, doesn't work for me.

So, what to do? I guess I need some great in my life! Well, I forgot to buy a lottery ticket for tonight, so I can't count on that. And since my pocketbook isn't quite as full as it used to be, my previous feel-great activities (spend the weekend in another city, go to the spa, have a fabulous dinner out, etc etc) are a bit too expensive right now. And I can't count on someone else delivering me my great thing; life has taught me (and probably you too) that counting on the outside world to make me feel great is a waste of time. So I have to come up with a great thing for me that won't cost much and won't leave me feeling like I made something up to pretend that things were great...

Oh, wait, hang on, what was that email that I received this morning from a client? "wow, what great work, you have no idea how this helps me, thanks!". And then that message from a friend who popped by last night: "hey, we had a lot of fun last night, didn't we?". And then there's that $500 travel credit that is the result of a cancelled trip...hmm, where could I go?

Yeah, there's a moral to this story. It's so goofy, but we miss it all the time. Great is sitting right in front of me. It's there, but I ignore it. We all ignore it. Why? Well, I have a theory about that, which I will write about tomorrow. In the meantime, take 2 minutes (come on, 2 minutes is NOT that long) to identify 3 great things that have happened to you in the last 24 hours.

Hey, I feel better! Cool, the sun came out too (no, really, that doesn't only happen in movies!). It's Friday afternoon, and I think I'll take the rest of the day off to celebrate all the great things that have happened to me. You should too (tell your boss that I, your unofficial coach, authorized it!).

Have a GREAT weekend!

Monique