Limiting Beliefs

Ok, I don't want to steal the punch from my upcoming book, but I wrote a section yesterday that I thought I should share right away, because in writing it, I broke through a challenge that I've been facing all my life. Realize that I can't fit the whole chapter in here, so this is a relatively short-hand version.

What are limiting beliefs? They are the little (and big) stories that we tell ourselves that stop or limit us from being all that we can be, from achieving our dreams. Maybe you want to write a book, but the little voice inside of you says that no-one is interested in what I have to say. Maybe you want to adopt a teenager, but are convinced that your lack of parenting experience will exclude you from the application process. Or maybe you want to run a marathon, but you just can't take time away from your work or your family, who after all must come first, to train properly.

Some books suggest that we can re-program ourselves to stop believing our limiting beliefs and believe the opposite. Ok, sorry, I'm not that good. Remember, we've talked a lot in this blog about believing. Maybe a psychologist could spend a decade or so with me and convince me that what I've believed since I was 5 years old really isn't true (and deep down I know logically that he or she would be right), but I don't have a decade. I want to work on my dreams now.

So I'm going to bypass that process for now. While I work on un-believing, I'm going to use a trick that I've adapted from something I read last year. Whenever the little voice goes off in my head, I'm going to identify the limiting belief and then compare it to the exact opposite. In the first example above, that would mean that I would compare "no-one is interested in what I have to say" with "people are really interested in what I have to say". Now, you don't have to believe the opposite belief, you just have to take a minute to consider how you would feel IF you believed it. Ok, hmm, I'd feel confident about my writing, I'd write more often and work hard at getting my stuff on the internet and published in books. Now fill in the following sentence:

When I am in [whatever situation triggers the limiting belief], if I believed [opposite belief], I would feel [opposite belief feelings].

Write this down on a card or piece of paper and keep it with you (in your wallet or purse, on your computer keyboard, taped to the fridge, etc). Next time you hear that same little voice repeating you limiting belief, read the sentence and then decide that you will feel the feelings that are identified, even if you don't believe the opposite. So, when I go to write a blog, the voice says "no-one will read this", and I say, ok, that may or may not be true, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to feel motivated to write anyways.

This way, it doesn't matter if you don't quite believe the opposite belief. You'll choose to feel the feelings as if you did believe, and you will be able to take the actions necessary to fulfill your dreams and goals. Once you start achieving your goals, your limiting beliefs will start losing their credibility with you. At least, that's what I expect will happen. I'll let you know.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Being a good you

I just finished reading a page from one of my favorite books "Simple Abundance". It talked about being a great you instead of trying to either be a perfect someone else. The message about authenticity comes around every so often, but I wonder if we really understand and accept it.

I'm going through a difficult time in my (not so) newly adoptive city. I've been in Montreal almost 7 years now, and yet it still seems new to me. One of the most challenging aspects of moving to a new city is finding your home within the social and business community you've adopted. In particular, I'm finding it particularly challenging being a Franco-Manitoban in a predominantly francophone Québec. Not quite English enough for western Canadians to pronounce my name correctly (Mo-Neek just doesn't sound right!), not quite French enough for the québecois!

And now I've signed myself up for a business networking event tonight (99% French-speaking participants). Not only will I be judged immediately by my ability to fit in, but future business opportunities depend on my being able to impress in the 90 seconds I have with each participant that sits across the table from me (this is a particularly recent phenomenon in business networking: speed-dating for business seekers). Sounds like a losing proposition...in fact, it is.

So tonight I'm going to take a different approach. I'm just going to be... me. With comfortable clothes instead of the business suit and high-heel pumps that usually make these events physically unbearable. With my open and collaborative approach instead of the sophisticated, know-it-all business arrogance you get from most participants. I'll smile and shake people's hands, even though I didn't use Crest whitening strips, nor do I have the $50 to get my nails done. Instead of drawing comments about my "accent", I'll let them talk about themselves, what their business dreams are, and what trivial issues stand between them and the realization of these dreams. I'll give them 90 seconds of "wouldn't it be fabulous" (and then I'll gently remind them that I can help them get there).

I'll do all of this because I can't really do anything else. The other stuff, it's just not me, and I think when I try to be that way, people realize that I'm not being authentic and don't respond. After all, the world created me, this unique composition of how I look, how I talk, what I think and say, how I feel. Maybe the people I meet tonight will get a kick out of talking to someone just a bit different from the rest.

I encourage you to do the same. When I think of all the people I know, the ones I want to keep in touch with are the ones that had some unique approach to life, or stood out in some way. Something that made them stay in my memory. Let's not be unmemorable, let's make sure that everyone we meet today and in the days to follow remembers us for something unique about us. As long as that unique thing represents us authentically, we simply can't go wrong.