We are not alone

First of all, I think this is the first time I've posted two blogs on the same day. But I've been meaning to write about this topic for a while and a few comments on a friend's Facebook page made me decide that I needed to get this message out sooner rather than later.

And then...no, this is not a blog about aliens. It's about how we use the fact that we are social beings to make our lives just a little better, if not completely positive.

We all struggle about something in our lives. Maybe not every day, maybe we go through cycles where things are good and relatively easy, then fall into cycles where many things seem to be challenging, difficult, messy. I've been through a challenging cycle lately (actually I'm not sure if I can say "through" as I'm not sure if it is quite over yet!), and the Facebook comments I referred to above are from a creative business owner who is wondering when she will start hearing the phone ring with customers wanting her services.

Now, I can't solve everyone's problems, in fact sometimes I can't even solve my own. But what I can say is "you are not alone". You are not the only person who has run into this situation, who is struggling with what you are attempting, who is aiming for the stars but not sure if you will hit the moon or an asteroid on the way down. And by this, I don't mean that you should feel bad for thinking that you are the only one. What I mean is that you can take comfort in the fact that:

1. You are at least as talented as others who have tried to do what you are doing; you are trying to do hard things, and hard things are, well, hard! So, no, you are not an idiot, you are not a loser, you are just trying to reach for the stars. So pat yourself on the back, take a deep breath (there isn't a lot of oxygen up there!), and keep reading.
2. Since others have been where you are, hey, maybe they figured something out that might help you along the way. DON'T be shy, ashamed, or embarrassed about asking for help, a hint, a clue or a complete solution. You never know who out there might have a piece of the puzzle that makes your challenge a bit easier to resolve.
3. You will get through this. Others have. It may be a tough road, longer than you thought you had energy to sustain, but you'll get there.
4. And finally, put your skepticism aside for one moment and ask whatever Being or Force that is running this whole show for a hand. Not any more than anyone else deserves, but at least your fair share. Just simply say "please...help".

So whether it's a new business that you are trying to succeed in, exams that you have to write, the death of a family member or friend, an apartment that you need to find before leaving on vacation, the money to put food on the table tonight, or the courage to do whatever it is you must do to feel good, remember that we're all here too, facing similar struggles and learning what it is we must learn to move on. And also make sure that you pass on your lessons, once you've learned them, so that others don't have to feel alone.

Have a great weekend!

Good people

Today's blog needs to be uplifting, it's dark, rainy and dreary here in Montreal today. Can't complain though, since we've had a lot of sunshine lately.

I've been reading Scott Adams' (of Dilbert fame) latest book, "Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!". It's my comic relief these days, basically ramblings on various subjects from a guy who normally only lets his points of view come through his comic strip characters. Most of the entries are quite funny (Intelligence is Overrated, Cloning, etc), but the last one I read this morning touched my heart.

The entry talks about an American tennis player who broke his back during a game (ran into the net pole), suffered several other mishaps during his recovery, but finally made it back (an amazing feat!) and was playing in a tournament in the U.S. He managed to beat everyone he played to make it to the final against Roger Federer. He was even beating him for a while, and then, well, Roger won. It all seemed a bit odd until the American player explained that while he was recovering in the hospital, the only tennis player that sent him a get-well card was Roger Federer. Maybe he didn't need to win against Roger.

Makes you think, though...Roger Federer is known across the planet as the best tennis player ever. He's probably filthy rich from all the endorsements he gets paid to do (when you endorse $1000 coffee machines, you must be making a bit of cash!). He's a very good-looking man, so that doesn't hurt either. He doesn't really NEED to be nice. But yet, here you go, he bothers to send a get-well card to this young American player.

Because that is probably the kind of guy he is. He is "good people". He sends cards to people who are in the hospital, he probably calls his family and friends every once in a while, he's probably quite generous too, maybe he smiles and signs autographs for his fans (and trust me, he has plenty of fans...my sister tells me that there are many websites dedicated to talking about how great he is!). Who knows, but I choose to believe that he truly is a good guy.

And good guys are what we need on this planet. It seems like we are surrounded by "not-so-good" guys and women who just want to screw everyone to get their piece of the pie. But I now have hope. If Roger Federer is a good guy, then there are probably lots of good guys (and gals) out there that we just don't hear about. Just thinking this makes me feel better able to pass by the stories about all the jerks that seem to catch all the headlines.

So today honour the good guys and gals in your life. Take a minute to simply thank them for being good. And let's all try, at least for one day, to be good. Who knows, maybe Santa is watching!?!

Service à la clientèle

Ça parait ces jours-ci que les commerces ne pensent plus au service à la clientèle. J'en ai déjà parlé ici dans le blogue, mais j'ai une bonne histoire positive aujourd'hui.

C'est la fin de l'hiver et le temps de changer les pneus d'hiver pour des pneus d'été sur mon auto. Étant donné le manque de service à la clientèle, je devrais déjà être de mauvaise humeur ce matin. Mais non, j'ai même hâte d'aller au garage. Pourquoi????? Est-ce que c'est parce que j'ai eu de bonnes expériences en service à la clientèle récemment? Certainement pas! Vous n'avez qu'à appeler à Rond Point Dodge Chrysler et leur demander combien de visites ont été requises pour remplacer une vitre égratignée sur la nouvelle Grand Caravan de mon chum (3 visites? vous dîtes, ce n'est pas possible!).

Non, j'ai eu des expériences assez atroces du côté service à la clientèle dans les dernières semaines. Mais ce matin, je SAIS que j'aurai une super-bonne expérience! Parce que mon garagiste, Jean-Paul (mais oui, je connais son nom, et il me reconnait quand j'appelle pour faire un rendez-vous!), comprend comment le service à la clientèle est important pour une petite entreprise. Il sait que si j'ai une bonne expérience, je retournerai même si j'ai déménagé et son garage est pas mal plus loin qu'avant. Alors il va m'accueillir avec un sourire et un gros Bonjour Madame! Et puis, même s'il est au milieu d'une de ses périodes les plus occupées de son année, il prendra le temps de me demander comment ça va, qu'est-ce qui se passe dans ma vie, etc. Même si le téléphone sonne constamment et ses gars courent pour finir une auto et passer à la prochaine. Jean-Paul sait que le futur de son entreprise est dans ses mains, et qu'il n'a qu'à faire quelques petites gestes pour assurer que ses clients deviennent et restent loyaux.

Alors, si jamais vous cherchez un garage sur la Rive-Sud de Montréal, n'hésitez-pas d'appeler J F Signori à St-Basile-le-Grand et dîtes-leur que je vous ai envoyé. Non, je n'aurai pas de rabais sur ma prochaine visite, alors cette recommandation ne me retourne rien. Sauf que je serai certaine que vous aurez une bonne expérience et peut-être vous me rendriez le service un jour.

Purpose for Existing

I just finished re-reading The Why Café. Like so many other books in the "personal growth" industry, this one needs to be read several times. For those of you looking for reading suggestions, I definitely encourage you to pick this one up.

I wanted to talk about the Green Sea Turtle story that is described in the book. I won't describe the story (you'll have to read the book for that!), but essentially it says that you shouldn't waste energy on things that don't help you fulfill your "Purpose for Existing" (PFE) in life.

We each have a reason why we are on this planet, our PFE. Problem is, it's very hard to figure out exactly what our PFE is. And once you are on the right track, it is easy to get distracted by something that looks like your PFE. There's a good story in Women who Run with the Wolves about getting distracted to the point of never achieving your objective. I re-read it often because I am one of those people who are easily distracted.

So, let's say that you have pretty much figured out your PFE, but there are some details missing. You move towards fulfilling that PFE but you hesitate. Maybe you hesitate because something has caught your attention that seems close enough to your PFE and might be a bit easier to achieve. Maybe you hesitate because what you thought would fulfill your PFE isn't quite bringing in the cash you need to pay the bills. Maybe you hesitate because you have a life and doing what you need to do to fulfill your PFE would seriously disrupt that life.

So you move in a different direction, NOT the one that would best fulfill your PFE but one that fits better with whatever made you hesitate. Maybe you think it's a quicker way to fulfilling your PFE. Or it will bring in some much needed cash. Or it fits in better with the rest of your life and will be less disruptive. But it just doesn't seem to work. You don't put all your energy and passion into this "other thing" and, as a result, you don't have a lot of success. Things don't quite work out. The Universe doesn't appear to deliver all you need to make this work.

But wait, don't get discouraged. Because lack of success isn't a bad thing. It is a clue, a huge alarm bell. It's telling you that you might not be quite on track, you aren't doing things that will truly fulfill your PFE. Go back to the drawing board. Use your passion and energy to point you in the right direction. Find where you moved away in a different direction and re-direct your efforts. Maybe you have to take a leap of faith (hmm, we've talked about that before, haven't we?). Maybe you have to make some sacrifices. Maybe you have to discuss the consequences with the people in your life. But you definitely HAVE to follow your PFE.

Just be careful of distractions. Once you've figured out your PFE, write it down and keep it right in front of you. Whenever something new comes up that you think might be interesting, ask yourself if it fits with your PFE. Will it help move you closer to fulfilling your PFE? Find the key words in your description of your PFE that really differentiate it from others and test your ideas against these key words. If something doesn't pass the test, move on. Yes, you'll be missing certain opportunities. No, things might not be easy. But at least you won't be wasting energy on things that don't bring you closer to fulfilling your PFE. You'll be saving your energy for the one that will.