What do you trust?

I was at a meeting this morning and a colleague made a very profound statement regarding a group of people whose behaviour we were trying to predict: "it depends on which god they trust". I thought it was profound because she didn't say "in which god they believe", but "in which god they trust". (Merci, Manon, tu gagnes le prix du meilleur commentaire du mois!)

Those of us familiar with U.S. currency recognize the line "In God we trust". But have we ever thought to truly consider what this means? According to Oxford, "to believe" means "to accept as true or as conveying the truth" or "to have faith in the existence of". On the other hand, "to trust" is "to have reliance on the truth of a statement without examination" or "to allow to have or use from confidence in its proper use". The last definition relates to the concept to trusting someone with something that we value.

I want to play a bit with this last definition, because I think it allows us to learn more about ourselves and those around us. I could ask you to draw up a list of things you believe and it would tell you and me more about who you are. But if I truly want to understand how you and I operate, we need to explore what we trust in.

The way I see it, trust means that we are willing to put something of value on the line. And that is where the critical difference lies between believing and trusting. I may believe a business' statement of service, but do I trust in it? Will I place my child's life in the hands of the people who have built a particular product, such as a car or a toy? Will I invest in a product, knowing that if I have a problem with it, I will have to spend my valuable time trying to get the company to provide me with after-sales service?

More importantly though, what people trust, in particular which "gods" they trust, tells us who they are. Do you trust natural gods such as rocks, animals and climate? Are you more likely to trust human-created gods such as money, social and professional hierarchies, and well-spoken orators. Are are you the type to trust intangible gods, such as intuition, coincidence and emotional connection?

Asking ourselves the above questions can teach us a lot about how we will behave. We can also learn a lot about how others will behave and whether or not we have affinities with them. It can prove to be a useful tool in our search to live more positively, enabling us to seek out those whose "gods" line up with ours.

Connection

Western civilization is richer than it has ever been...and yet we are no happier. We communicate way more than we ever have in history...and yet we are more lonely than ever. We have access to more information than we realized existed 50 years ago, and yet we understand less.

I just asked a business client what differentiated him from everyone else in his business. In particular, I asked him how he competes with world-renowned experts in his field who send out free "how-to" videos. The answer is quite simple. You can't. And yet, what he brings to his clients is so much more powerful.

The point is that we are missing the point. We have gotten so caught up in more...more money, more things, more access, more communication, more information, more for less. But it's not more that we need. Don't get me wrong, being able to show my spouse what Grand Tetons National Park looks like without having to dig through boxes of old travel pictures is fantastic (yay, Google Images!). Having Facebook remind me that it is my friend's birthday, the one I haven't spoken to in months because I moved away 7 years ago and well, time zones make it "hard" to call her is good...and maybe today I'll pick up the phone. Being able to hear speeches from renowned experts like Victor Frankl is amazing and helps me with my research. But that's not the point.

The point is that the "more" we now have access to isn't fulfilling. And it's not fulfilling because it has nothing to do with what I consider to be the most important aspect of being human: connection. We need to connect. Connecting means telling your best friend that no, you really aren't ok, and she looks at you in a way that says "you don't have to say more, I know the pain that is inside of you". Connecting means explaining something to someone and seeing them realize that this is the key to what they have been struggling with for so long. Connecting means spending time buying exactly the right birthday cake and hand-making the perfect gift for a 15-year-old, because he needs to know that it's ok to like what he likes. Connecting means showing up on someone's doorstep just to spend time with them.

You get my point. All the technology, money and "stuff" in the world cannot replace these things. As humans, we need to connect, to be told we're ok, to share good and bad, to know that there are people out there who "get" us.

So I'm announcing that today is International Connection Day. Your job is to connect with someone, close or not so close, to remind them that we are all human and that connecting is GOOD for us. You'd be surprised how good it makes them feel! Oh, and while you're at it, don't forget to notice how good it makes you feel!

Have a great weekend!

Back from the other place

As you may have noticed, it has been an extremely long time since I have posted on my blog. A great example, in fact, of my sponge theory. In case you don't know this theory, let me explain once again.

We are sponges. In the moments when we are open and aware, we are constantly learning. Some of the things we learn are not terribly useful, or can be discarded after we have successfully applied them to our current situation. Other learnings are the type that we need to hang onto, because of their usefulness in our everyday lives and in our overall growth. As sponges, we absorb all of these learnings and fill up. If we stay in a state of awareness, the learnings are available to us. But we don't. Life has a way of squeezing us to the point that we lose what we have learned.

This is a cycle that many of us live, and to be honest, after everything that I've studied, the best we can do is build resilience so that we don't get squeezed very hard or very often.

But I've recently updated my theory. There are learning moments when the sponge is being filled and squeezing moments when the sponge is being emptied, but there are other moments as well. I call these being in a holding pattern. You can continue to do learning in a holding pattern, and there will be some squeezing going on too, but there really is no movement. You are simply living. This holding pattern is extremely important. It is the calm before the storm, the time when you are gathering energy to be ready to do something really big.

I went through one of these holding patterns this summer. I wasn't sure why I didn't feel like writing, I had a hard time motivating myself to move forward on my work projects. I spent a lot of time with those closest to me, worked on some personal projects (home improvement is a favorite of mine!), and generally took care of myself. I slept a lot, read a lot, watched a lot of interesting TV programs. But nothing really took off.

Now that we're well into September and school/work busy periods have started over, I've been feeling like momentum is building. The personal growth work I did this summer is starting to take a hold. My body is even feeling more energized, ready to take on some big stuff.

And the first big idea hit me this morning! Not sure if it is a good one, time will tell, but the important thing is that I had a big idea. I managed to polish off a few urgent work tasks quickly, and then I sped through the development of a talk that I'm giving in October. Finished a book I was reading (yes, The Celestine Prophecy, probably for the 10th time!), and I find myself at 4:30pm wondering how I managed to do all of this so quickly! I still have lots of time to get the rest of my to-do list done before catching Larry King at 9pm (he's got a great line-up this week!).

And to top it off, it finally came, the desire to write. The need to share with you what I learned today. The urge to help you understand, if you have also spent the summer in a holding pattern. So I'm back. I've got lots of great things to share with you over the next few days, weeks, months. Hopefully you haven't given up on me.

Have a great rest of the week!