Positive Énergie!

We're moving!

2012-01-10T08:34:00.000-05:00

As I restructure my business focus, I've decided to create a new blogging space that includes all my Positive Énergie postings as well as some new stuff that will focus more on success and strategy.

My latest Master Key System blog posting and all my archives are now available at http://strategiksuccess.wordpress.com/.

Please come and visit my new space and let me know what you think!

Monique

My Year in the Master Key System -- Part Four

2011-12-28T09:05:00.000-05:00

So, what have you been focusing on over thelast few weeks? I have to admit that I’vebeen very caught up with the Holiday season and not very much with the mentalpractice I started a few months ago with the Master Key System. But the beauty of this program of study isthat the core ideas stick with you if you read them over often enough, so thatthey filter through even in the busiest moments. And I notice that while very old habits tendto take over, they are slowly being shifted to incorporate the key ideas thatCharles Haanel brings forward in his work.

Take, for example, the key elements of thisweek’s study. I see three main ideasthat pull together to give us the power and ability to draw what we want intoour lives. First, the concept of “giveto get” – being of service to others and giving, in order to receive what wewant. But the model that I learned overthe years of watching my mother and her mother slave in the kitchen, whileeveryone else sat around and ate, are not what Haanel is talking about. Because he also stresses that we must takecare of ourselves, that we “cannot be helpful unless we are strong”. So my hours of work have been interspersedwith hours of rest, play, sleep and time for me. I’ve come to understand that it is,in fact, acycle – take care of myself in order to have the energy to give, then givebecause it is the right thing to do, and then be ready to receive, which will reenergizeme. The Master Key System also says that“every transaction must benefit every person who is in any way connected withthe transaction”, because we are each one of us part of the Universalwhole. So selfless, martyr-like givingis no longer part of my Holiday season tradition.

A second concept highlighted in Part Four is aligningour vision and actions with the Universe, in other words, “the higher, loftier,grander and more noble ideals which you can conceive,” the more we are able toachieve these ideas because they are aligned with the creative flow of theUniverse. Reminds me of a scene in a science-fictionmovie I watched yesterday, Contact (Jodie Foster, 1997). Foster is an astronomer who is the solepassenger on a spacecraft headed for the Vega system; after experiencing violentvibrations when strapped to her seat, she realizes that if she releases thestraps, she floats effortlessly inside the craft. She has picked up on one of Haanel’simportant concepts: don’t fight the Universal flow just because you NEED to beright, open your mind to the fact that there may be an easier way to get thingsdone.

And the final concept that pulls the Master KeySystem message together this week is the part that gives us the power to makewhat we want happen: mental and emotional strength. This strength comes from regular practice, sothat we learn how to focus better, how to seek out silence and repose toregenerate, how to channel our emotions to increase the power of our thoughts,and how to eliminate destructive thoughts.

Practice, practice, practice. At this time of year, we often set New Year’sresolutions to start exercising more. Whynot resolve to exercise our minds on a regular basis, just like going to thegym, to make 2012 a GREAT year?

Your Competitive Edge in 2012

2011-12-21T13:45:00.004-05:00

You’ve updated your aging website, you blog regularly andyour Facebook fan page has lots of followers. You’ve read every success and management magazine,you have a copy of the most trendy business strategy books on your nightstand, andyou spent several hours listening to webinars and attending conferences andnetworking events.

So, you’ve got the competitive edge, right? Wrong, because your competitors have all donethe exact same thing. Marketing 2.0 and theglobal economy have evened out the playing field – the leading players in anyindustry essentially all look alike. 2012 doesn’t promise to bring anything new, unless you think thatcreating a Google+ account three days before your closest competitor does willtruly make a difference.

What could you possibly do in 2012 that will make adifference? What do you have that yourcompetitors don’t, that you can use to create a competitive edge? Well, to start with, you have you. And you have your partners, employees andcontractors.

But, you’ve squeezed every ounce of productivity out of yourexhausted workforce. All yoursalespeople have attended the best sales training and your customer servicedepartment just underwent an overhaul due to too many customer complaints. Your marketing department seems to have losttheir creativity, your finance group is just trying to keep your corporate headabove water in this endless recession, and HR is having a hard time findingenough qualified people to fill the few job openings you’ve dared toapprove.

Let me give you a few statistics that might make you think differentlyabout things:

Optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56%;
Happy employees take, on average, 15 less sick days per year than their unhappy colleagues;
$360B is lost each year in the U.S. due to reduced productivity caused by poor relationships between employees and their supervisors;
An employee’s belief in his or her ability is a stronger predictor of job performance than his or her actual level of skill or training;
A study at KPMG reported that positive psychology training was responsible for improving life satisfaction, one of the most crucial predictors of productivity and performance in the workplace.

This will be your competitive edge in 2012 – the human edge. Investing in developing a happy workforce(and this includes you) can provide you with a huge edge over yourcompetitors. While they are scratchingtheir heads, trying to figure out how to continue doing more with less, youwill become an employer of choice, reaping the many benefits of a happy,optimistic, creative, and innovative team of contributors to your bottom line.

Want to know how? Check in tomorrow for part two of this blog: how to incorporate the keyconcepts of positive psychology into your organization.

My Year in the Master Key System -- Part Three

2011-12-13T10:36:00.000-05:00

There’s a reason why it takes time to absorbthe Master Key System – we’re not always ready to fully understand a particularmessage the first time it is presented to us. I’m reminded of the quote by Rainer Maria Rilke: “Do not now look forthe answers. They cannot now be given toyou because you could not live them.” (Asan aside, I truly recommend that you read Rilke’s “Letters to a Young Poet” ifyou haven’t yet!)

Part Three of the Master Key System talksfurther about how the conscious and subconscious systems relate. The subconscious mind receives direction fromthe conscious mind and simply does what it is told. It links to the Universal Mind when it needssomething, which is the mechanism by which we are able to create what we trulywant. The power of the subconsciouscomes from the energy it radiates – the more energy, the more effectively itreaches out to the Universal mind and the more rapidly we can create what wewant. So you want to radiate as muchpositive energy as possible – that means amplifying every request with strongpositive emotion and passion. It alsomeans that we can’t let anything get in the way of this radiation.

This brings me to the main point of this blog –letting things get in the way. This is probablythe hardest part of the journey for me. I believe what I read from an intellectual standpoint, but every time Ire-read the material, I realize that I really don't get it yet. I guess that up until now, I haven’t beenable to “live the answers”. Part Threetells us that fear is the biggest resistance against the positive requests madeby our subconscious. And fear issomething I live every day, and I suspect that many of you reading this mightdare to agree. We want greatness, butfear living up to it. We want success,but fear making a fool of ourselves. Wewant to be a model for others, but fear other people’s reactions andtreatment. We want abundance, but fearthe lack of abundance that we see around us.

In parallel to studying The Master Key System,I’m also reading other success classics, such as The Science of Getting Rich,by Wallace D. Wattles. Wattles says: “Tothink according to appearance is easy; to think truth regardless of appearancesis laborious, and requires the expenditure of more power than any other workman is called upon to perform.” Wattlesis saying that it is easy to think that things will always be what we seearound us – we will always have what we have, we will always be what we are, wewill always do what we do. But theMaster Key System says that we don't have to. With focused study and concentration, we can create so much more andtransform our lives and ourselves into exactly what we want!

A fun way to convince ourselves that we canactually do this is to try it out. Thinkof one thing that you want to create, something immediate, not too complicated,but different enough from what you are living to convince you that you actuallycreated it. Sometimes I do this byfinding a parking spot or getting someone to call me. What small wins do you want to create thisweek to convince yourself that you can create anything you truly want?

My Year in the Master Key System – Part Two

2011-12-01T07:32:00.001-05:00

As I movefurther into my study of the Master Key System by Charles Haanel, I begin tounderstand how I could actually start controlling the process ofcreating in the outside world.

Part Two ofthe Master Key System starts by explaining that we have a conscious andsubconscious mind. The conscious minddeals with and reacts to the outside world. It sends messages to the subconscious mind, which quickly andeffectively finds a way to provide what the conscious mind wants.

What weoften don’t realize is that we can choose what we react to and how wereact. Have you ever noticed that somedays things come at you so quickly that you seem to respond as if you were amachine, processing each thing as it comes and reacting automatically. This saves energy and allows our consciousmind to focus on the most important things. I actually feel good on days like this, because I think I’m beingefficient and dealing with everything effectively. Except that my automatic reactions are not alwaysconducive to giving me what I truly want. I say yes when I should really be saying no to a project that I knowwon’t bring me any benefit. I respondemotionally when I should realize that I am too tired to respond rationally to myspouse’s three teenagers. I create acrisis when a few deep breaths might give me the chance to remember a solution Ihave already applied to a recurring problem.

Theconscious mind has the ability to discriminate, choose and reason. This means that we can choose what we send tothe subconscious mind, the instructions on which it will operate. If we send “panic, this is a disaster!”, thesubconscious very efficiently ensures that a disaster occurs so that it canpanic according to our wishes. If wesend “find a solution to this before it becomes a disaster”, the subconsciouswill do just that: find a way for a solution to present itself to us so that weavert the disaster.

Ok, so allI have to do is send positive messages to my subconscious and I’ll geteverything I want, right? Well, it’s notquite that simple. First of all, we haveto learn to discipline our conscious mind to send only positive messages. In the Master Key System, Charles Haaneltakes us through a series of exercises to start this discipline process. In Part One, he tells us to practice beingphysically still. And in Part Two, westart practicing being mentally still. Aform of meditation, we are asked to learn how to inhibit all thought and becomequiet inside. Quite a challenge!

But thereis a second challenge to sending positive messages to the subconscious. There is a filter between the conscious andsubconscious minds. This filter is madeup of all the programming we have accumulated through years of being told whatto do and all the internal messages we tell ourselves. We can send positive messages about becomingfinancially secure, but if we have internal programming that says “rich peopleare snobs and I don’t want to be a snob”, our programming will sabotage thepositive message before it reaches the subconscious.

So I havetwo challenges: discipline my mind and dissolve all the negative programmingthat sits within the filter between my conscious and subconscious minds. It’s certainly plenty of work for the nexttwo weeks!

My Year in the Master Key System -- Part One

2011-11-15T08:45:00.001-05:00

The MasterKey System is quite different from a typical personal growth book, as each Partis a list of statements associated with Charles Haanel’s concepts. At the end of each Part, he providesquestions to study. The idea is to readover each Part several times and use the questions to study the concepts sothat they make sense to you. Two basicconcepts came out of my study of Part One.

I create everything in my outside world: Most of the time, we do this unconsciously: we think about how we don’twant to work on a project anymore and we end up having a disagreement with ourproject partner, which puts the future of the project in jeopardy. We focus on how annoying our teenager is andthey go out of their way to bug us before leaving for school. We worry about how we’re going to make endsmeet this month and another bill shows up in the mail. Notice how many of these things are negative. My initial feeling is that I couldn’tpossibly want to create all these negative things. And yet, if we dig deep enough, we can findwhen and how we created it. Example: I’mnot on speaking terms with one of my sisters right now because of a huge fightwe had last spring. I couldn’t possiblyhave wanted to create that, right? Except that I was reading through my journal the other day and noticedan entry about 4 weeks before I went to visit her, where I expressed myfrustration regarding the organization of the trip. And I wrote: “sometimes it would just beeasier not to have a family!”. Thatconvinced me how careful we need to be about what we think, feel and especiallyexpress.

Consciousness and sustained focus allow me tocontrol this process: Great! Now I have a solution that I use to create only good things, things thatI want. So, what do I want? Most of us don’t have a clue. Sure, we know on the surface what type of carwe would drive if we had unlimited money to buy it, or what body we wouldprefer over our own. But if you weregiven a sheet of paper and you had to write down EVERYTHING you want in life(relationships, health, job, leisure, experiences, etc), could you? More importantly, could you choose onepath? Maybe you want to live in Costa Ricaand sell seashell art. No, actually youwould prefer an apartment in Paris so that you could become a fashionconsultant. No, no, really you want to moveto a small farm, raise your family and become self-sufficient. Yikes,this is hard! But the Master Key Systeminsists that we need to be focused, not scattered. We can’t focus on creating Paris one day andseashells the next. So an important stepis taking the time to decide what we want[1],and then applying the tools we are learning to focus on that.

That’s itfor Part One. Hopefully my comments havetriggered some thoughts in you – if so, please share them with me; I’d love tohear what you have to say about all of this!

[1] For those of you who don’t know,there are tools out there to help you. Irecommend that you search for “purpose” at your favourite bookstore oronline. You can also check out my soon-to-be-released2-part e-course “Discover your Confidence” where I discuss discovering yourpurpose (see www.happiness-after-midlife.com) and my upcoming book “Drown orSurf: Riding Life’s Tidal Waves” which will also include a section on purposeand vision.

My Year in the Master Key System

2011-10-29T05:44:00.000-04:00

Asmentioned in my blog a few weeks ago, I have decided to embark upon a one-yearjourney into the world of Charles Haanel, author of The Master Key System. Touted as THE book that inspired The Secretand many other books, study programs, videos and self-help workshops, TheMaster Key System is the compilation of a 24-week program that was initiallydelivered by Haanel as a correspondence course.

So why am Idoing this? I’ve been a student of thepersonal growth, self-help, professional development movement for the last 11years. I’ve created my own programs,written my own books and taught my own workshops. So, what more could I need to know?

Lawyersstudy the law their whole lives; accountants are required refresher courseseach year to update their knowledge of recent tax changes; physicians andnurses are in constant learning mode, participating in knowledge and practicereview sessions. So why shouldn’t asuccess professional such as myself update my learning, especially from asource that seems so fundamental. Andwho doesn’t know enough about success?

The MasterKey System is based on the concept that youcreate in your mind everything that happens around you. Now, before you roll your eyes and say“here’s another one of these gurus whose going to tell me to think positively”,let me tell you a story about a skeptic who actually helped me understand a keyelement in my learning.

On my wayto a meeting downtown last week, I started focusing on getting a great parkingspot. It’s a game I play with myself toreinforce my belief that I actually can create good things in my everyday life. And sure enough, when I arrived at mydestination, here was someone pulling out of THE perfect parking spot. When one of my colleagues arrived, Imentioned my experience with the parking spot. He asked me “how much of what arrives in your life do you really thinkhappened because you “created” it, and how much do you think iscoincidence”. I started answering, butas I spoke, I had an insight.

It doesn’tmatter, does it? If good things arehappening to me, what difference does it make if I’ve created it or if it was acoincidence? Learning the mentaldiscipline, the focus on what I want, the positive attitude, how to quitthinking about negative things in my life...all of that is good stuff. And if it creates, as Haanel and others putforth, good things in my life, all the better.

So I’mgoing to suspend disbelief for one whole year and jump into this programfull-hearted. I invite you to join me,by reading my blogs and even, if you dare, get yourself a copy of the book andstudy along with me. I’d love to hearyour comments, ideas and challenges with the material – it’ll make it more fun,learning alongside others.

So, goodluck and here we go!

When it's time

2011-10-04T11:12:00.000-04:00

Autumn is always an interesting season for me. Once we've survived the start of a new school year, and before I spoil myself with my annual birthday celebration, I go into "think" mode. What am I doing? Why am I doing this and not that? What is working, what isn't? What else could I be doing?

And most importantly, what am I supposed to be doing? I talk a lot about purpose and figuring out your "Why" (thank you Simon Sinek, I really enjoyed your book). But what do I DO about it?

I took a course this summer on creating the life you truly want to live. It was excellent, I highly recommend it for those of you in the Montreal area (see www.4weekstofreedom.com -- taught by John Kobel). It taught us how to focus and concentrate on what we wanted, and to build a mental discipline to be able to create what we want.

And yet, there is always that extra step: do I dare want what I want? Deep down, if we dig through all the layers of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" and "I'm good at" and "that doesn't make money" and all the other BS that we pile on our shoulders, we know what we want. In my case, it always comes back to what I do for a "living", what my "job" is. I know what I want. If I peel back the layers, I know that I want to help people live great lives. Cut out the drama and crises, use tools to make their lives and businesses successful (the way they define it). Full time, no side contracts to provide some cash flow, no projects to distract me, just me and the world, making it better one person or business at a time.

But do I dare want this? Do I dare go through the steps that I have learned to create this? Learning to say yes to myself is not something new, and yet this feels like an ultimate, full-throttle YES. It's scary. But it's time. I've delayed, stalled and let myself be distracted long enough.

So here I go. First of all, in the next few weeks, you start seeing regular posts from me on The Master Key System. I'm taking one full year to go through the program and every 2 weeks, I'll report back to you on my experience. It'll be on my blog here and also on www.happiness-after-midlife.com, the website of a recent collaborator of mine. I'm also finishing up a two-part e-course based on my first book, "Dammit, I am Right!", which will also be available on the Happiness After Midlfe website. And finally, I'm committing to finishing my second book, "Drown or Surf: Riding Life's Tidal Waves", before the end of the year.

I have other projects that I want to get off the ground. To get the public speaking side of my business going, I'll be giving a conference (in French) at the Salon Affaires et Travailleurs Autonomes at the end of October in Montreal. I'm not exactly sure of the content yet, but it will be based on my second book, focusing on how small business owners can avoid constant crisis management and get into a positive cycle.

There's lots more to come, but I'll save that for when it's done (rather than promising things I haven't even created yet).

In the meantime, have you given yourself permission to dare want what you want? If not, when will it be the right time to do just that?

Admitting life is tough

2011-05-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

Yes, it has been forever since I've written. I've had a tough spring. Yes, I admit it! Things have been difficult on a few fronts...financial, health, energy. I guess I shouldn't complain, my house isn't flooded, I haven't had to live through a tsunami, no forest fire has destroyed my home, I have the love of a few very special people and business is looking up. In fact, I am very lucky. And yet, I still feel like I've been through my own special storm.

I was talking to a business colleague this morning and realized that we all do the same thing. We go through tough times, and because we don't want to look like we're not successful, or because we feel guilty because there is always someone in a tougher spot than we are, we keep quiet about our challenges. We live in quiet desperation, trying on our own to find ways to turn things around. And we hide in our bubble, thinking we are the only ones living in this state.

The truth? Many other people, just like us, are living through tough times. Never mind all the ones we hear about on the news, it's obvious that those folks are in big trouble. But there are also the ones that no-one talks about. The small business owner who is struggling through this recession that everyone would like to believe is over (but those of us at the end of the economic ladder know that consumers are not spending and businesses are holding back on investing in their future). The single parent whose child doesn't understand that there is just not enough money to live like they used to. The employee who is being squeezed by their customer, their boss and their own perfectionism to work 80 hours a week and still respond to their Blackberry at 7:30pm on a Saturday evening. So many more that I haven't mentioned...

So what? Do we simply listen to the loud voice around us and within us and "suck it up"? Figure it out, put a good face on, consider ourselves lucky? Or do we listen to the quieter voice deep inside us that says "hey, maybe I could use a hand?". Maybe it might be a relief to admit that I'm in trouble and seek the advice of someone who might have been through this before, or the comfort of someone going through something similar?

Certainly, we have to pick our audience -- no good telling all of your prospective customers that business has been awful. But maybe we can find one or two good people, people who are trustworthy, who have a heart, who might just appreciate the fact that we are sharing (and who might be just as happy to share their challenges). Maybe for once, we could drop the bravado, take off the mask and trust someone with our truth. Or if you truly cannot trust anyone, it can be as simple as writing it in your journal or on a napkin at lunch and burning it afterwards.

Today, I recommend that you give yourself a chance to express the challenges that you are living with, give yourself a pat on the back for surviving up until now, and look for someone who can ease some of the tension. Who knows, you just might find that creative answer you didn't even realize you were looking for!

Year-end Review

2011-01-05T09:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes, I know, I was supposed to write this a few days ago. Amazing how time flies when you take a break from your normal routine. But now I'm back into the regular swing of things. Earlier this week, I continued a tradition I've been holding for 10 years: completing my year-end review.

Many of us familiar with workplace bureaucracy know all about year-end reviews. It's when you and your boss get together to discuss your accomplishments and whether or not you met the company's expectations. In proactive companies, these expectations were set earlier in the year when your department's objectives were laid out by the powers that be (the companies that aren't as organised make up their objectives on the fly or backwards-engineer them after the fact).

I think I was a challenging employee. Because I wasn't happy in simply meeting or exceeding the company's expectations or my department's objectives. I needed to feel like I believed in those objectives and that I had truly contributed to something meaningful both to the company but mostly to me. And through my coaching experience that started in 2001, I found a way to make my year-end review meaningful to me. I created my own personal planning process.

At the beginning of the year, I update my life plan. My plan contains all the elements of my work, home/social and personal life that I want to accomplish. And at the end of each year, I identify all the things that I have in fact accomplished, whether they were on my plan or not. I pull out my weekly calendar to trigger my memory and I write down all the things that I completed. It can be significant, like writing and publishing a book, or smaller, like pulling together a birthday dinner for a friend. I especially focus on the elements that are aligned with my life objectives: for example, if one of my objectives is to travel more, I make a point of writing down all the trips I took during the year. If helping my spouse ensure that his kids get a great education, I mention that I helped his 11-year-old study for his junior-high-school entrance exams.

There are really two reasons for writing all of this down. First of all, it helps me understand where I spend all my time. Ever get that feeling that time passes and you truly don't know what you did with it? A year-end review helps you get a better understanding of what you've been doing all that time. It also helps you identify if your work, home/social and personal elements in your life are balanced in the way that you want them to be. The second reason for doing a year-end review is to prepare for a new update to my life plan. It allows me to see where I've arrived at, which becomes the new starting place for this year's journey. It also gives me confidence; after seeing everything I was able to accomplish in 2010, I can create the energy and confidence necessary to take on all the amazing projects I want to complete in 2011.

So, if you haven't yet done your year-end review, don't wait for your boss. Do your own. And don't forget the most important part: once you have written everything down, celebrate! Identify your top 5 accomplishments and tell someone about them. Write about them in your journal if you want. Make a point of NOTICING what you have done and pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a raise (in whatever form you can). And get ready for a new year!

(in my next post, I'll talk about how to build a yearly life plan)

Holiday season

2010-12-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

I was writing an article for a Montreal magazine today about taking the time to recover from stress. At the same time, I was contemplating my list of things to do to prepare for the holiday season. It got me to thinking about what this season is really all about.

This has always been a special time for me. When I was young, my parents would always make a point of "doing Christmas". My Mom would spend weeks baking Xmas goodies (usually while my Dad watched Hockey Night in Canada -- I can't hear the official theme song without thinking of shortbread cookies!). My Dad always tried to take as much time off as possible, but being in the radio industry, he often had to work on Christmas or New Year's Day. But when we were a bit older, he would celebrate being able to take the whole week off by setting up his "bar": red and white wine was poured into carafes for visitors and the Crown Royal was taken out (you knew this was a special occasion if the Crown Royal came out!). My Mom would set out the goodies and, of course, Morden's chocolates (if you're from Winnipeg, you know what I mean).

For me all this meant that we could sit around, reading and playing games, watching special tv shows and enjoying having everyone at home. It was a time of relaxation, of playing, of taking a break from our daily routines. I now realize that it was hardly a break for my Mother, who as a traditional Mom, did almost all of the work and was certainly relieved to get back to normal in January. But I still carry with me the memory that the holiday season was a time to step back and simply take a break.

Now that I have my own holiday season to prepare, I make a point of bridging the gap between my young Xmas experiences and those of my Mom's. I do go to a lot of trouble to make the holiday season special: I insist on outdoor and indoor decorations, I do a lot of baking (although I do cheat and buy my shortbread cookies), I prepare dinners and brunches and some years I even set up a bar like my Dad did. But I also make sure that I have a few hours every day to stop, read a book, watch a goofy movie, catch up on everything my spouse and I haven't managed to say to each other during the year, and simply catch my breath.

Maybe our ancestors had the right idea, creating a holiday at this time of year. Maybe they realized that if we didn't have this excuse, we'd just keep on going as if another year had not passed us by. Maybe they foresaw that we'd be too busy to write to each other (yes, I still send out a handful of Xmas cards), that we'd have too much to do to spend an afternoon reading a good novel, that we'd consider ourselves far too important to do good deeds for others and that we'd all be too broke to buy gifts for our loved ones.

Because regardless of your religious beliefs (if you have any), this is THE time of year for all of that. And my advice to you this year is to use the excuse to slow down, to stop all your running around, to quiet down the hamster in your mind, to put away the "I really should" and the "I just can't" and remember that 2010 is coming to a close and that 2011 is right around the corner. What is truly important in your life? Who do you cherish? What is the ultimate luxury you can provide to yourself?

In my next post, I'll talk about another important tradition I have at this time of year: my year-end review and new year planning. In the meantime, I hope you plan on having a restful holiday season!

What's the point?

2010-11-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

You know that feeling, when the weather is grey and things aren't really going the way you thought they would. Life is sorta tough (not Tsunami, hurricane or cholera tough, you admit, but hey, wasn't it supposed to be better than this?). And in a particularly difficult moment, you say "oh, what's the point?".

Perfect, you've asked exactly the right question! "Well actually", you're saying to yourself right now, "I wasn't really asking a question, I was just expressing my frustration". Your brain disagrees. It is wired to help you through even the most difficult times in your life, and so while you just wanted to express frustration, your brain actually did ask a question, and it expects you to answer it.

What is the point? What is your point? What are you doing all this for anyways? There is an answer and it is true no matter what situation you are in. You have been placed on this planet for a reason. Some people argue that this reason is written in stone or on a cloud somewhere in the Big Guy's master plan. Some argue that the reason is to simply be you. Doesn't matter. What matters is that deep down inside of you, there is a reason that you came into being and that you do everything you do.

Think about it for a minute. What made you call the number on that business card that normally you would have thrown in the garbage? What made you look twice at that woman in the coffee shop? Why did you check out that website instead of getting back to work? Why did you bother to answer your 3-year-old's question about why bicycle wheels are round? Why did you ignore that phone message but respond to the other email?

The best part, the part that our brain is trying to remind us of, is that no matter how frustrated and discouraged we get, we can't help ourselves be what we are. We can't stop "the point". The point is what keeps us going. Remembering the point is what keeps us motivated and feeling positive even in our most difficult moments. Maybe you are out of money...but something inside of you creates an opportunity that could turn everything around. Maybe you have no more answers for your kids...but a voice inside finds the right words. Maybe you are facing professional challenges that even Bill Gates would find tough...but you always seem to come up with another solution. Maybe you are suffering from too much positive (too many projects to complete, too many people to meet with, too much money to manage, too many demands on your time and energy)...but you see in this challenge the opportunity to finally contribute what you know you must.

So whenever you are asking yourself "what's the point", answer. Remember your point, your purpose for being on this planet. And trust it. It will get you through this and every other challenge in your life.

And if you don't know what it is, think back to better times when you were full of energy: what did you KNOW deep inside of you, what were you convinced you were RIGHT about, what was so EASY? That's your point. Write it down and keep it close to you.

Just when you need it

2010-10-28T15:36:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if it's the cloudy weather or just a phase I'm going through, but I've been short of inspiration lately. It's as if I look at everything I've put in place to live a great life and... well... sigh. Sure, the action plan is in place and I'm completing my daily to-do lists. Results are coming in and I'm planning a "reward" day next week for all my hard work. But the third element of this positive cycle, inspiration, is just a bit dry these days.

The interesting thing about inspiration is that you cannot force it. Rather, inspiration comes just when you need it, and in a form you might not have expected. Books are often sources of inspiration for me, but you can't just pick up a book that you know inspires you and read it and be inspired. There's a special something that needs to be in place for the magic to happen. That magic is in the hands of a special force (call it the Universe, God, destiny, whatever you want) that we cannot command. This special force knows when you are really ready for it, and then it acts. For me, it took an evening of brooding and wandering around to find myself staring at a small notebook I had used to capture statements from a book that I had read quickly a few years ago. The book hadn't really left a big impression on me at the time, but now I was truly ready to absorb its message. And very quickly, my mood started turning around. I saw opportunity, I felt hope.

Inspiration also comes to us in other forms, and we need to be especially open to receiving it when we don't expect it. This happened to me this week. On three separate occasions, I set up business meetings with people I had either met at networking events or had done business with in the past. I had to admit that I wasn't quite sure why I had insisted on contacting these people, something inside simply told me that I HAD to meet with them. And all three meetings turned out to connect me with people who are truly aligned with who I am and how I want to do business. And all kinds of new ideas starting coming to me. What a great surprise! I was not expecting to connect so well with these people, and yet I should have known...the same magical force that made me pick up the notebook told me to set up meetings with these people.

There is no way to predict when the magical force will work its magic. All we can do is trust that it will, just when we need it, and that it will deliver great things. We will be inspired to continue along our path or move onto a new path. So next time you are feeling like you are stuck, bored or out of energy, know that the magical force is listening; keep your eyes, ears and mind open because the magic is on its way.

Do not go gentle into that good night...

2010-10-25T13:58:00.001-04:00

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

These are the first and last words of a poem by Dylan Thomas. They didn't mean much to me when I first heard them in high school. Frankly, poetry wasn't top on my interest list. I'm still not a big fan, but I have grown an appreciation for certain words spoken at the right moment.

Dylan Thomas' words came to me this weekend. Having worked all day Saturday to prepare our yard for the looming winter months, I was feeling a bit morose. Was summer really over? Did we really have to accept that winter was around the corner? The days are getting shorter, and that is what sparked my memory of the poem. The meaning of "good night" in the poem is death, but I thought it was also appropriate for those of us who live in northern parts of the world. We do face a "dying of the light".

But we can rage against this dying of the light. We can recreate light in our homes, offices, shops and other places where we spend our days and evenings. The first step is to stimulate our senses with the colours, smells and sounds of summer. Use plants and flowers, candles, and colorful decorating items to reawaken your surroundings. Splurge at the grocery store and buy exotic fruit and vegetables that remind you of tropical vacations (yours or the ones you see on television travel networks). Maximize your time in the sun; we may have limited daylight hours and many rainy/snowy days, but we can take advantage of the sunny moments to expose ourselves to the healthy effects of the winter sun. And remember that true rejuvenation comes from within. Research shows that stimulation of the brain's learning centres keeps us young, so take that course you've been thinking about, pick up that book that is calling you, spend an evening surfing on the Internet or watch an informative TV show.

I'd love to hear your ideas on how to rage against the dying of the light. We have another 2 months before the days start getting longer, so the more ideas, the better!

Have a great week!

What do we really want?

2010-10-08T12:01:00.000-04:00

There's been talk lately of a new political party in Québec. A few people have decided that there is a hole in our political landscape, so they want to form a right-of-centre party that does not have a particular agenda when it comes to separatist/federalist sentiment. For those of you unfamiliar with Québec politics, this hole does exist. Frankly I think they are also riding on the political unrest in the U.S. that has spawned the Tea Party, trying to create a buzz in a public that seems much more interested in the score of last night's hockey game.

I'm not going to share my specific political views in this blog. But I was triggered by a Twitter comment from a federal MP asking an open question: do we think this new party is a good idea?

So I'm going to answer his question by saying what WOULD be a good idea, in my humble opinion. I think we should start up a political party that:

is led by someone charismatic but ultimately honest, ethical who truly wants to improve society and isn't scared to do just that;
has members that put making a difference before making the front page of the newspaper or making their friends rich;
has political views and policies that are consistent, based on a vision for society, that they can support with research and proven successes;
can tell me, in 60 seconds or less, what they want to sell me, the voter (I am a potential customer and I want to hear their elevator speech);
is made up of real people who have successes and mistakes in their past, and that are not afraid to stand up in public and say "yes, I did that, I may have been wrong but it's all part of the learning curve; I intend to do better";
has a sense of humour regarding their weak spots;
has considered what history has to offer in terms of advice and looks to the future with excitement;
wants to hear what I think, what my neighbours think, what my kids think, what my parents think.

Because I truly believe that THIS is the hole in our political landscape. It's probably the hole in most political landscapes, whether it is in Québec, somewhere else in Canada or elsewhere in the world.

Imagine what it would be like if our political leaders were like this? Maybe we'd have that better world that everyone seems to promise!

What do you trust?

2010-09-28T14:30:00.000-04:00

I was at a meeting this morning and a colleague made a very profound statement regarding a group of people whose behaviour we were trying to predict: "it depends on which god they trust". I thought it was profound because she didn't say "in which god they believe", but "in which god they trust". (Merci, Manon, tu gagnes le prix du meilleur commentaire du mois!)

Those of us familiar with U.S. currency recognize the line "In God we trust". But have we ever thought to truly consider what this means? According to Oxford, "to believe" means "to accept as true or as conveying the truth" or "to have faith in the existence of". On the other hand, "to trust" is "to have reliance on the truth of a statement without examination" or "to allow to have or use from confidence in its proper use". The last definition relates to the concept to trusting someone with something that we value.

I want to play a bit with this last definition, because I think it allows us to learn more about ourselves and those around us. I could ask you to draw up a list of things you believe and it would tell you and me more about who you are. But if I truly want to understand how you and I operate, we need to explore what we trust in.

The way I see it, trust means that we are willing to put something of value on the line. And that is where the critical difference lies between believing and trusting. I may believe a business' statement of service, but do I trust in it? Will I place my child's life in the hands of the people who have built a particular product, such as a car or a toy? Will I invest in a product, knowing that if I have a problem with it, I will have to spend my valuable time trying to get the company to provide me with after-sales service?

More importantly though, what people trust, in particular which "gods" they trust, tells us who they are. Do you trust natural gods such as rocks, animals and climate? Are you more likely to trust human-created gods such as money, social and professional hierarchies, and well-spoken orators. Are are you the type to trust intangible gods, such as intuition, coincidence and emotional connection?

Asking ourselves the above questions can teach us a lot about how we will behave. We can also learn a lot about how others will behave and whether or not we have affinities with them. It can prove to be a useful tool in our search to live more positively, enabling us to seek out those whose "gods" line up with ours.

Connection

2010-09-24T12:21:00.000-04:00

Western civilization is richer than it has ever been...and yet we are no happier. We communicate way more than we ever have in history...and yet we are more lonely than ever. We have access to more information than we realized existed 50 years ago, and yet we understand less.

I just asked a business client what differentiated him from everyone else in his business. In particular, I asked him how he competes with world-renowned experts in his field who send out free "how-to" videos. The answer is quite simple. You can't. And yet, what he brings to his clients is so much more powerful.

The point is that we are missing the point. We have gotten so caught up in more...more money, more things, more access, more communication, more information, more for less. But it's not more that we need. Don't get me wrong, being able to show my spouse what Grand Tetons National Park looks like without having to dig through boxes of old travel pictures is fantastic (yay, Google Images!). Having Facebook remind me that it is my friend's birthday, the one I haven't spoken to in months because I moved away 7 years ago and well, time zones make it "hard" to call her is good...and maybe today I'll pick up the phone. Being able to hear speeches from renowned experts like Victor Frankl is amazing and helps me with my research. But that's not the point.

The point is that the "more" we now have access to isn't fulfilling. And it's not fulfilling because it has nothing to do with what I consider to be the most important aspect of being human: connection. We need to connect. Connecting means telling your best friend that no, you really aren't ok, and she looks at you in a way that says "you don't have to say more, I know the pain that is inside of you". Connecting means explaining something to someone and seeing them realize that this is the key to what they have been struggling with for so long. Connecting means spending time buying exactly the right birthday cake and hand-making the perfect gift for a 15-year-old, because he needs to know that it's ok to like what he likes. Connecting means showing up on someone's doorstep just to spend time with them.

You get my point. All the technology, money and "stuff" in the world cannot replace these things. As humans, we need to connect, to be told we're ok, to share good and bad, to know that there are people out there who "get" us.

So I'm announcing that today is International Connection Day. Your job is to connect with someone, close or not so close, to remind them that we are all human and that connecting is GOOD for us. You'd be surprised how good it makes them feel! Oh, and while you're at it, don't forget to notice how good it makes you feel!

Have a great weekend!

Back from the other place

2010-09-22T16:19:00.000-04:00

As you may have noticed, it has been an extremely long time since I have posted on my blog. A great example, in fact, of my sponge theory. In case you don't know this theory, let me explain once again.

We are sponges. In the moments when we are open and aware, we are constantly learning. Some of the things we learn are not terribly useful, or can be discarded after we have successfully applied them to our current situation. Other learnings are the type that we need to hang onto, because of their usefulness in our everyday lives and in our overall growth. As sponges, we absorb all of these learnings and fill up. If we stay in a state of awareness, the learnings are available to us. But we don't. Life has a way of squeezing us to the point that we lose what we have learned.

This is a cycle that many of us live, and to be honest, after everything that I've studied, the best we can do is build resilience so that we don't get squeezed very hard or very often.

But I've recently updated my theory. There are learning moments when the sponge is being filled and squeezing moments when the sponge is being emptied, but there are other moments as well. I call these being in a holding pattern. You can continue to do learning in a holding pattern, and there will be some squeezing going on too, but there really is no movement. You are simply living. This holding pattern is extremely important. It is the calm before the storm, the time when you are gathering energy to be ready to do something really big.

I went through one of these holding patterns this summer. I wasn't sure why I didn't feel like writing, I had a hard time motivating myself to move forward on my work projects. I spent a lot of time with those closest to me, worked on some personal projects (home improvement is a favorite of mine!), and generally took care of myself. I slept a lot, read a lot, watched a lot of interesting TV programs. But nothing really took off.

Now that we're well into September and school/work busy periods have started over, I've been feeling like momentum is building. The personal growth work I did this summer is starting to take a hold. My body is even feeling more energized, ready to take on some big stuff.

And the first big idea hit me this morning! Not sure if it is a good one, time will tell, but the important thing is that I had a big idea. I managed to polish off a few urgent work tasks quickly, and then I sped through the development of a talk that I'm giving in October. Finished a book I was reading (yes, The Celestine Prophecy, probably for the 10th time!), and I find myself at 4:30pm wondering how I managed to do all of this so quickly! I still have lots of time to get the rest of my to-do list done before catching Larry King at 9pm (he's got a great line-up this week!).

And to top it off, it finally came, the desire to write. The need to share with you what I learned today. The urge to help you understand, if you have also spent the summer in a holding pattern. So I'm back. I've got lots of great things to share with you over the next few days, weeks, months. Hopefully you haven't given up on me.

Have a great rest of the week!

A new approach

2010-07-07T10:39:00.000-04:00

I'm going through a new experience that I wanted to share with all of you. I've swapped some business services with someone who offers an interesting new way of looking at life. He calls it PIAF (an acronym for words like Passion, Interest, Freedom, etc). I've just started working with him, but I've already been exposed to some cool techniques.

We all have read or heard motivational speakers or coaches or psychologists talk about "releasing". I've always had a problem with releasing, it just seems fake in a way. Sure, you think I'm going to let go of something I've believed all my life and "Bam!" life gets great and I'm "healed"???? Ok, it just doesn't work that way. Let's use a simple example: I have a desire to draw. But I "know" since I was a child that I am simply not gifted in art; in fact, my High School art teacher told me that he would pass me only on the condition that I would NEVER take another art class from him. So every time I feel a need to draw, I say "I can't draw". This belief may be even linked to other deeper beliefs (I'm no good at anything creative, I can't express myself visually, I'm such a loser when it comes to left-brained activities).

It's quite clear that a lifetime of reinforcement like the above example will be difficult to question or challenge. True, there are techniques that help us bring doubt to our beliefs. But my "PIAF coach" takes a different approach. The way I interpret my experiences so far, it is more like he helps me visualize a life where the belief doesn't matter. In the art example, I visualize a life where it doesn't matter whether I am good or not good at art, the measurement becomes irrelevant. Essentially I ask myself: what would my life look like if I chose to ignore this belief. And I guess that is what people mean by "release". I don't necessary stop believing, I just choose to ignore that I believe this, I make the belief meaningless, without relevance to my life.

Ok, so what does that mean? It means that I don't have to consider whether I am right or left-brained when I try to solve a problem. I don't have to apologize when I draw stick men to make a point. More importantly, I can access my creativity without the blockage I would have because of the belief. Ignoring the belief opens up so many doors that I had closed in the past.

The result? A whole lot less stress because I don't have to "manage" situations to account for my beliefs. I can approach life with a lot less baggage. It doesn't mean that I won't run into other beliefs that hold me back. But I now have a tool that I can use to visualize how my life would be if I ignored these beliefs.

So, I'd better finish this blog because I have a whole lot of new doors to open!

(p.s. If you are curious about how to open your own doors, how to enter the world of PIAF, let me know and I'll put you in touch with "the PIAF coach").

Are you lucky?

2010-06-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

(In line with this Positive Energie blog, I'm taking a Positive Psychology course this summer. You'll notice that some of my blogs are inspired by the lectures and readings that I'm experiencing. Hopefully I can pass along some of what I'm learning!)

We all know someone who is lucky. It doesn't matter what they are doing or where they are, they always seem to have luck on their side. They win the golf tournament because of a fluke shot that rolls into the cup on the 18th hole. They always seem to have a winning ticket in the local charity lottery. They meet interesting people that just happen to have a business opportunity that fits perfectly with their skills.

In the early 2000s, Richard Wiseman created the "Luck Project" to investigate why some people are lucky while others seem to be followed by the grey cloud of bad luck. Studies, and real-life experience had shown that luck has a huge impact on our lives. So he wanted to know if there was a way that we could increase the amount of good luck that we encountered, thereby living the enchanted lives we saw others living.

The great thing is, we can! Professor Wiseman found that there are four basic principles that lucky people follow, whether consciously or unconsciously. Lucky people:

notice chance opportunities, and often go out of their way to create them; then they jump on the positive aspects of these chance opportunities to better their lives;
listen to their intuition while making decisions (unlucky people tend to make decisions following only logical reasoning);
have positive expectations which allows them to create self-fulfilling positive prophecies;
interpret bad events more positively than unlucky people; they compare them to the worst possible outcome, determining that they were "lucky" and things could have been worse; unlucky people compare bad events to better outcomes and get discouraged because things could have been so much better.

So, what does this mean for the rest of us? We can learn to bring more good luck into our lives by following the behaviours of lucky people. For example, we can go out of our way to encounter chance opportunities by changing our routines. Go out and meet new people, visit unusual places, frequent different restaurants and take up new hobbies. Research has also shown that higher levels of anxiety can reduce our ability to notice unexpected opportunities. So in new environments, try to relax and take in what is going on around you. Look for the opportunity within the new experience.

Another behaviour that we can adopt is to consider bad events in a positive light. Deciding that you have been lucky even in the most challenging situations helps you have a positive outlook. Caught in traffic? Well, at least it's not you in the accident that caused that lane to be closed. Didn't do well on an exam? It's ok, since you didn't fail the mid-term, you might still be able to pass the course. Broke your grand-mother's antique clock? It could have dropped on her foot and put her in the hospital, so at least she's got her health.

So, let's think of ourselves as lucky, and we'll become lucky!

p.s. if you are interested in learning more, Richard Wiseman's book "The Luck Factor" was published in 2003 and should be available at your favorite bookstore.

Because I have to

2010-06-08T11:29:00.000-04:00

Why? We ask ourselves this question so many times and for so many different reasons. I wrote about "why" a few posts ago when speaking about Simon Sinek's book "Start with Why" (which I am really enjoying, by the way!). That "WHY" was the one that talks about our reason for being, whether it's being in life, being in business, etc.

The "why" I'm mostly focused on this morning is why I bother to do things, say things, behave a certain way when the chances of my behaviour being able to change the people or circumstances in my life are slim to none. I experienced this last night.

I have very strong beliefs about appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. I believe in old-fashioned values like respect, consideration, tact, manners, fairness...I could go on, but I think you get the drift. I have made some life choices in the last few years that reinforce those values. In particular, I now insist on a life experience that promotes those values.

Of course, when you live with four other people, and you interact with society at large, you cannot ensure that others will follow these values. And last night, I voiced my frustration by saying that I was just wasting my time trying to get the world to cooperate with my way of thinking. After all, what was the point in trying to insist on getting appropriate customer service at the car dealership? They just want our money and have no intention of providing good customer service. And what was the point in trying to discourage my spouse's teenagers in experiencing violence on TV and in video-games when I have no control over this when they are not in the house? And why should I expect that people will respond to my email messages when society's demands leaves them no time for real communication?

Why? well, because I have to. Because I'm made that way. It goes back to my big "WHY". Because my reason for being on this planet is to transform the ordinary into extraordinary. And that applies not just for the people I interact with, it also applies to me. I want to live an extraordinary life. I need to live an extraordinary life. And sorry, but all those who interact with me will just have to accept that they will be part of this extraordinary experience.

So, yes, I will continue my "crusade". I will keep on insisting on table manners, on respect for me as a customer or supplier, on excitement when I present my ideas, on responses when I communicate. Those that don't want to be part of this extraordinary-ness are welcome to get off the bus. But those that choose to stay on the bus are allowed to expect extraordinary from me.

So, back to my extraordinary existence. I hope you have an extraordinary week too!

Live and in person!

2010-05-26T15:49:00.000-04:00

I was flipping through my older posts trying to figure out if I've already written on this topic. Well, if I have, just skip today's blog and come back next time you have a few minutes. But wait, maybe I have something new to say about this...

About what, you say? Live, human, in-person interactions. Ok, get it over with, call me old-fashioned (actually I'm quite proud of being old-fashioned, I assume it is associated with wisdom and getting away with things people would normally say you aren't allowed to do!). But I am actually quite serious. In this fabulous technology-driven society that we have created, we have abandoned the concept of meeting people face-to-face. I actually read a discussion stream from a LinkedIn group that talked about how workplace meetings were dead and people didn't need to get all together in a room anymore.

On the other hand, another LinkedIn group (Linked Quebec) has decided that live get-togethers actually enhance the online networking experience. So they have set up a series of informal meetings and the reviews from the first one rave about how great it was!

Human beings are social animals. The theory of evolution tells us that we are descendants from the same line as monkeys, orangutans, gorillas, etc. Check out their behaviour next time you are at the zoo. They play together, they eat together, they even pick bugs out of each other's fur. Why would we be any different? Throughout history, mankind has excelled when we have worked as teams to create: the great artists of the Renaissance worked with large teams of assistants, putting a man on the moon required a huge contingent of scientists, engineers and others, even Mozart needed an audience to test his latest opera.

So next time you text your Mother to wish her a happy birthday, or you update your Facebook to tell everyone about some good news, or you exchange emails with a prospective client, think about setting up a live, in-person meeting...and consider all the added benefits: you get to see the smile in the person's eyes instead of :-), you can maybe give them a hug if they are down in the dumps, you could notice that they turn into themselves when an uncomfortable topic comes up allowing you to be more careful in your comments, and you can SHOW them that you care.

By the way, when was the last time I met with you? Maybe we should set up some time over coffee???

See you soon!

Start with Why

2010-05-14T09:45:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not plagiarizing, I'm borrowing the title of the next book I need to read (well, actually, there are probably at least a dozen in line, but this one might be important enough to cut through to the front!). Start with Why is a book written by Simon Sinek.

My friend Errol sent me a link to Simon's TED presentation from last fall. (thank you Errol!). If you are not familiar with TED, it is an organization dedicated to spreading good ideas. They have conferences, post all their talks on their website, www.ted.com, and have become known as the place to hear the latest, especially when it comes to technology.

Simon's talk can be found at

http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action.html.

What I found so interesting about this talk is that it presents a way of thinking that lines up very closely to how I think. Cool, I figure I can't be thinking too badly if someone that speaks at a TED conference thinks like me! Essentially Simon's thinking can be summarized like this: instead of starting with What or How, we need to start and especially communicate the Why. In business, this means we need to think about why we are in business, what purpose does our business serve, and then communicate this to the world; people who respond to this "why" will be inspired to become our customers. In life, it means that we need to communicate our "why" to the people around us, and those that respond to this why will help us achieve it.

I have worked long and hard to figure out my "why". It's easy to come up with a few general ideas; in fact I think if you asked, most people would say they want to help people (actually I was at a networking event where we had to present ourselves this way and that is what almost everyone said). It has been much harder to become specific and truly communicate my why. Best as I know it right now, I think it goes something like this:

My "why" is to better the human experience by helping people abandon the negative elements in their lives that cause pain and suffering, identify their positive dreams and achieve these dreams. I will do this by teaching them, through my writing and speaking, how to identify their purpose, how to establish a plan to accomplish this purpose, and how to live this plan on a daily basis. I will help them transform their "adequate" lives into "extraordinary" lives.

I encourage you to view Simon's presentation and to consider what your "why" is, in life and in your work. Think about how you can communicate your why and to whom.

Have a great weekend, and don't think too hard!

Being Ready

2010-05-13T10:37:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that something can seem like a really good idea sometimes, but at other times it makes you nervous and you have this feeling like it's just not right?

Quite a few years ago, I was listening to a friend talk about her personal relationship. She was struggling with the decision to either stay with her boyfriend and get married, or else just walk away. She knew that the status quo wasn't working for her, but she simply didn't know which answer was right for her. I reminded her that I had been in a similar position a few years earlier and then some powerful words came out of my mouth: "don't worry about the decision, when you are ready you will be able to make it, but for now you are just not ready yet". (Don't you find it amazing how we are able to say wise things and often don't even know where they come from? hmm, topic for another blog...)

This "being ready" concept is a complex one. You can't create readiness inside of you. You can't make yourself ready for important decisions or critical actions. You can prepare, of course. You can plan and set up timetables. But you can't force yourself. Sometimes we simply need to sit back after all the preparation and wait. Wait for the right time, the right feeling, the oh-so-critical inspiration, the pieces to fall into place, but mostly wait for ourselves to WANT to make that decision or take that action.

Waiting takes patience, something I am not known for. I feel like waiting to be ready seems like wasting precious time. What if this great opportunity passes me by? What if the decision gets made for me while I am waiting to be ready to make it? How can I waste valuable time waiting when I could be using it to all the things I need to do once my decision is made? Why can't I just decide that I am ready now?

But waiting takes something more than patience. It takes (oh, yes, here it comes again!) believing. Believing that things will turn out right once we become ready and make that decision or take that action. That the right opportunities will not have passed us by. That the time spent becoming ready wasn't wasted. It allowed us to build valuable energy and gain useful knowledge and experience. It gave others a chance to learn about our decision or action and prepare to help us.

So next time you feel like you are trying to force yourself to make a decision or take action, ask yourself: am I truly ready for this? What does my gut say? Am I ready but just nervous, scared or lazy? Or am I really just not ready? Trust your intuition, and if you decide that you are not ready, put your decision or action aside. Then, rather than wasting your time worrying that you are not moving forward, ask yourself what might help you become ready. For example, maybe you need to talk about your decision or action with someone that might clarify what is bugging you about it. Or maybe you need to learn more about something related to the decision or action. Or maybe you need to be in a less stressful state. Be patient with yourself and one day you will wake up and say "ok, now I'm ready, let's get on with this!".

Thinking a different way

2010-05-06T08:23:00.001-04:00

Ok, now that I've survived a 2-day computer changeover, I can write again! In fact, this is even more fun since I now have a 21-inch monitor (thank you, Guillaum!).

I've been reading Scott Adams' "Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain". Scott is the Dilbert cartoonist and he has a VERY different way of thinking. This comes across, of course, in his comics, but even more so in his other books. This one is like a daily diary of weird things he's thinking about...worrying whether the airline passenger beside him will bring the plane down because he hasn't turned off his Blackberry, trying to decide if intelligence is linked to happiness (compares dentists to dogs), wondering if clones take part of your soul, etc.

It got me thinking about the power of exposing ourselves to different ways of thinking. I'm a lot more creative after having read a few pages of Adams' book. I look at things a bit more openly and consider different options. I wonder what he would think of some of the things I write, what my contacts post on their social media pages, and some of the events that occur during my day.

I highly recommend trying this every once in a while. Besides this book, I recommend you check out a series of books on famous people's thoughts (Mark Twain, Winston Churchill), some other books in the humour section of your favourite bookstore, various postings on YouTube, and cartoons on the kid-friendly TV stations (you know, Wile E. Coyote had some good ideas!).

Have fun, and enjoy thinking differently; if nothing else, it'll put a smile on your face!

We are not alone

2010-04-16T13:31:00.000-04:00

First of all, I think this is the first time I've posted two blogs on the same day. But I've been meaning to write about this topic for a while and a few comments on a friend's Facebook page made me decide that I needed to get this message out sooner rather than later.

And then...no, this is not a blog about aliens. It's about how we use the fact that we are social beings to make our lives just a little better, if not completely positive.

We all struggle about something in our lives. Maybe not every day, maybe we go through cycles where things are good and relatively easy, then fall into cycles where many things seem to be challenging, difficult, messy. I've been through a challenging cycle lately (actually I'm not sure if I can say "through" as I'm not sure if it is quite over yet!), and the Facebook comments I referred to above are from a creative business owner who is wondering when she will start hearing the phone ring with customers wanting her services.

Now, I can't solve everyone's problems, in fact sometimes I can't even solve my own. But what I can say is "you are not alone". You are not the only person who has run into this situation, who is struggling with what you are attempting, who is aiming for the stars but not sure if you will hit the moon or an asteroid on the way down. And by this, I don't mean that you should feel bad for thinking that you are the only one. What I mean is that you can take comfort in the fact that:

You are at least as talented as others who have tried to do what you are doing; you are trying to do hard things, and hard things are, well, hard! So, no, you are not an idiot, you are not a loser, you are just trying to reach for the stars. So pat yourself on the back, take a deep breath (there isn't a lot of oxygen up there!), and keep reading.
Since others have been where you are, hey, maybe they figured something out that might help you along the way. DON'T be shy, ashamed, or embarrassed about asking for help, a hint, a clue or a complete solution. You never know who out there might have a piece of the puzzle that makes your challenge a bit easier to resolve.
You will get through this. Others have. It may be a tough road, longer than you thought you had energy to sustain, but you'll get there.
And finally, put your skepticism aside for one moment and ask whatever Being or Force that is running this whole show for a hand. Not any more than anyone else deserves, but at least your fair share. Just simply say "please...help".

So whether it's a new business that you are trying to succeed in, exams that you have to write, the death of a family member or friend, an apartment that you need to find before leaving on vacation, the money to put food on the table tonight, or the courage to do whatever it is you must do to feel good, remember that we're all here too, facing similar struggles and learning what it is we must learn to move on. And also make sure that you pass on your lessons, once you've learned them, so that others don't have to feel alone.

Have a great weekend!

Good people

2010-04-16T11:02:00.000-04:00

Today's blog needs to be uplifting, it's dark, rainy and dreary here in Montreal today. Can't complain though, since we've had a lot of sunshine lately.

I've been reading Scott Adams' (of Dilbert fame) latest book, "Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!". It's my comic relief these days, basically ramblings on various subjects from a guy who normally only lets his points of view come through his comic strip characters. Most of the entries are quite funny (Intelligence is Overrated, Cloning, etc), but the last one I read this morning touched my heart.

The entry talks about an American tennis player who broke his back during a game (ran into the net pole), suffered several other mishaps during his recovery, but finally made it back (an amazing feat!) and was playing in a tournament in the U.S. He managed to beat everyone he played to make it to the final against Roger Federer. He was even beating him for a while, and then, well, Roger won. It all seemed a bit odd until the American player explained that while he was recovering in the hospital, the only tennis player that sent him a get-well card was Roger Federer. Maybe he didn't need to win against Roger.

Makes you think, though...Roger Federer is known across the planet as the best tennis player ever. He's probably filthy rich from all the endorsements he gets paid to do (when you endorse $1000 coffee machines, you must be making a bit of cash!). He's a very good-looking man, so that doesn't hurt either. He doesn't really NEED to be nice. But yet, here you go, he bothers to send a get-well card to this young American player.

Because that is probably the kind of guy he is. He is "good people". He sends cards to people who are in the hospital, he probably calls his family and friends every once in a while, he's probably quite generous too, maybe he smiles and signs autographs for his fans (and trust me, he has plenty of fans...my sister tells me that there are many websites dedicated to talking about how great he is!). Who knows, but I choose to believe that he truly is a good guy.

And good guys are what we need on this planet. It seems like we are surrounded by "not-so-good" guys and women who just want to screw everyone to get their piece of the pie. But I now have hope. If Roger Federer is a good guy, then there are probably lots of good guys (and gals) out there that we just don't hear about. Just thinking this makes me feel better able to pass by the stories about all the jerks that seem to catch all the headlines.

So today honour the good guys and gals in your life. Take a minute to simply thank them for being good. And let's all try, at least for one day, to be good. Who knows, maybe Santa is watching!?!

Service à la clientèle

2010-04-09T08:33:00.000-04:00

Ça parait ces jours-ci que les commerces ne pensent plus au service à la clientèle. J'en ai déjà parlé ici dans le blogue, mais j'ai une bonne histoire positive aujourd'hui.

C'est la fin de l'hiver et le temps de changer les pneus d'hiver pour des pneus d'été sur mon auto. Étant donné le manque de service à la clientèle, je devrais déjà être de mauvaise humeur ce matin. Mais non, j'ai même hâte d'aller au garage. Pourquoi????? Est-ce que c'est parce que j'ai eu de bonnes expériences en service à la clientèle récemment? Certainement pas! Vous n'avez qu'à appeler à Rond Point Dodge Chrysler et leur demander combien de visites ont été requises pour remplacer une vitre égratignée sur la nouvelle Grand Caravan de mon chum (3 visites? vous dîtes, ce n'est pas possible!).

Non, j'ai eu des expériences assez atroces du côté service à la clientèle dans les dernières semaines. Mais ce matin, je SAIS que j'aurai une super-bonne expérience! Parce que mon garagiste, Jean-Paul (mais oui, je connais son nom, et il me reconnait quand j'appelle pour faire un rendez-vous!), comprend comment le service à la clientèle est important pour une petite entreprise. Il sait que si j'ai une bonne expérience, je retournerai même si j'ai déménagé et son garage est pas mal plus loin qu'avant. Alors il va m'accueillir avec un sourire et un gros Bonjour Madame! Et puis, même s'il est au milieu d'une de ses périodes les plus occupées de son année, il prendra le temps de me demander comment ça va, qu'est-ce qui se passe dans ma vie, etc. Même si le téléphone sonne constamment et ses gars courent pour finir une auto et passer à la prochaine. Jean-Paul sait que le futur de son entreprise est dans ses mains, et qu'il n'a qu'à faire quelques petites gestes pour assurer que ses clients deviennent et restent loyaux.

Alors, si jamais vous cherchez un garage sur la Rive-Sud de Montréal, n'hésitez-pas d'appeler J F Signori à St-Basile-le-Grand et dîtes-leur que je vous ai envoyé. Non, je n'aurai pas de rabais sur ma prochaine visite, alors cette recommandation ne me retourne rien. Sauf que je serai certaine que vous aurez une bonne expérience et peut-être vous me rendriez le service un jour.

Purpose for Existing

2010-04-07T10:44:00.000-04:00

I just finished re-reading The Why Café. Like so many other books in the "personal growth" industry, this one needs to be read several times. For those of you looking for reading suggestions, I definitely encourage you to pick this one up.

I wanted to talk about the Green Sea Turtle story that is described in the book. I won't describe the story (you'll have to read the book for that!), but essentially it says that you shouldn't waste energy on things that don't help you fulfill your "Purpose for Existing" (PFE) in life.

We each have a reason why we are on this planet, our PFE. Problem is, it's very hard to figure out exactly what our PFE is. And once you are on the right track, it is easy to get distracted by something that looks like your PFE. There's a good story in Women who Run with the Wolves about getting distracted to the point of never achieving your objective. I re-read it often because I am one of those people who are easily distracted.

So, let's say that you have pretty much figured out your PFE, but there are some details missing. You move towards fulfilling that PFE but you hesitate. Maybe you hesitate because something has caught your attention that seems close enough to your PFE and might be a bit easier to achieve. Maybe you hesitate because what you thought would fulfill your PFE isn't quite bringing in the cash you need to pay the bills. Maybe you hesitate because you have a life and doing what you need to do to fulfill your PFE would seriously disrupt that life.

So you move in a different direction, NOT the one that would best fulfill your PFE but one that fits better with whatever made you hesitate. Maybe you think it's a quicker way to fulfilling your PFE. Or it will bring in some much needed cash. Or it fits in better with the rest of your life and will be less disruptive. But it just doesn't seem to work. You don't put all your energy and passion into this "other thing" and, as a result, you don't have a lot of success. Things don't quite work out. The Universe doesn't appear to deliver all you need to make this work.

But wait, don't get discouraged. Because lack of success isn't a bad thing. It is a clue, a huge alarm bell. It's telling you that you might not be quite on track, you aren't doing things that will truly fulfill your PFE. Go back to the drawing board. Use your passion and energy to point you in the right direction. Find where you moved away in a different direction and re-direct your efforts. Maybe you have to take a leap of faith (hmm, we've talked about that before, haven't we?). Maybe you have to make some sacrifices. Maybe you have to discuss the consequences with the people in your life. But you definitely HAVE to follow your PFE.

Just be careful of distractions. Once you've figured out your PFE, write it down and keep it right in front of you. Whenever something new comes up that you think might be interesting, ask yourself if it fits with your PFE. Will it help move you closer to fulfilling your PFE? Find the key words in your description of your PFE that really differentiate it from others and test your ideas against these key words. If something doesn't pass the test, move on. Yes, you'll be missing certain opportunities. No, things might not be easy. But at least you won't be wasting energy on things that don't bring you closer to fulfilling your PFE. You'll be saving your energy for the one that will.

Limiting Beliefs

2010-03-26T09:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, I don't want to steal the punch from my upcoming book, but I wrote a section yesterday that I thought I should share right away, because in writing it, I broke through a challenge that I've been facing all my life. Realize that I can't fit the whole chapter in here, so this is a relatively short-hand version.

What are limiting beliefs? They are the little (and big) stories that we tell ourselves that stop or limit us from being all that we can be, from achieving our dreams. Maybe you want to write a book, but the little voice inside of you says that no-one is interested in what I have to say. Maybe you want to adopt a teenager, but are convinced that your lack of parenting experience will exclude you from the application process. Or maybe you want to run a marathon, but you just can't take time away from your work or your family, who after all must come first, to train properly.

Some books suggest that we can re-program ourselves to stop believing our limiting beliefs and believe the opposite. Ok, sorry, I'm not that good. Remember, we've talked a lot in this blog about believing. Maybe a psychologist could spend a decade or so with me and convince me that what I've believed since I was 5 years old really isn't true (and deep down I know logically that he or she would be right), but I don't have a decade. I want to work on my dreams now.

So I'm going to bypass that process for now. While I work on un-believing, I'm going to use a trick that I've adapted from something I read last year. Whenever the little voice goes off in my head, I'm going to identify the limiting belief and then compare it to the exact opposite. In the first example above, that would mean that I would compare "no-one is interested in what I have to say" with "people are really interested in what I have to say". Now, you don't have to believe the opposite belief, you just have to take a minute to consider how you would feel IF you believed it. Ok, hmm, I'd feel confident about my writing, I'd write more often and work hard at getting my stuff on the internet and published in books. Now fill in the following sentence:

When I am in [whatever situation triggers the limiting belief], if I believed [opposite belief], I would feel [opposite belief feelings].

Write this down on a card or piece of paper and keep it with you (in your wallet or purse, on your computer keyboard, taped to the fridge, etc). Next time you hear that same little voice repeating you limiting belief, read the sentence and then decide that you will feel the feelings that are identified, even if you don't believe the opposite. So, when I go to write a blog, the voice says "no-one will read this", and I say, ok, that may or may not be true, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to feel motivated to write anyways.

This way, it doesn't matter if you don't quite believe the opposite belief. You'll choose to feel the feelings as if you did believe, and you will be able to take the actions necessary to fulfill your dreams and goals. Once you start achieving your goals, your limiting beliefs will start losing their credibility with you. At least, that's what I expect will happen. I'll let you know.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Being a good you

2010-03-24T13:14:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading a page from one of my favorite books "Simple Abundance". It talked about being a great you instead of trying to either be a perfect someone else. The message about authenticity comes around every so often, but I wonder if we really understand and accept it.

I'm going through a difficult time in my (not so) newly adoptive city. I've been in Montreal almost 7 years now, and yet it still seems new to me. One of the most challenging aspects of moving to a new city is finding your home within the social and business community you've adopted. In particular, I'm finding it particularly challenging being a Franco-Manitoban in a predominantly francophone Québec. Not quite English enough for western Canadians to pronounce my name correctly (Mo-Neek just doesn't sound right!), not quite French enough for the québecois!

And now I've signed myself up for a business networking event tonight (99% French-speaking participants). Not only will I be judged immediately by my ability to fit in, but future business opportunities depend on my being able to impress in the 90 seconds I have with each participant that sits across the table from me (this is a particularly recent phenomenon in business networking: speed-dating for business seekers). Sounds like a losing proposition...in fact, it is.

So tonight I'm going to take a different approach. I'm just going to be... me. With comfortable clothes instead of the business suit and high-heel pumps that usually make these events physically unbearable. With my open and collaborative approach instead of the sophisticated, know-it-all business arrogance you get from most participants. I'll smile and shake people's hands, even though I didn't use Crest whitening strips, nor do I have the $50 to get my nails done. Instead of drawing comments about my "accent", I'll let them talk about themselves, what their business dreams are, and what trivial issues stand between them and the realization of these dreams. I'll give them 90 seconds of "wouldn't it be fabulous" (and then I'll gently remind them that I can help them get there).

I'll do all of this because I can't really do anything else. The other stuff, it's just not me, and I think when I try to be that way, people realize that I'm not being authentic and don't respond. After all, the world created me, this unique composition of how I look, how I talk, what I think and say, how I feel. Maybe the people I meet tonight will get a kick out of talking to someone just a bit different from the rest.

I encourage you to do the same. When I think of all the people I know, the ones I want to keep in touch with are the ones that had some unique approach to life, or stood out in some way. Something that made them stay in my memory. Let's not be unmemorable, let's make sure that everyone we meet today and in the days to follow remembers us for something unique about us. As long as that unique thing represents us authentically, we simply can't go wrong.

Ignoring the great in front of us

2010-02-26T07:41:00.000-05:00

I promised last Friday that I would complete the thought I had started, which was why we ignore all the great things that are in front of us. Sorry it has taken so long, I wanted to get in a few other blogs to set the stage. But I'm finally ready to talk about this. I can summarize my thoughts in just a few words: we are addicted to adrenaline.

I'm not just talking about younger generations who have been raised on video games, 140 word life updates and a new shorthand for texting and chatting. Sure, they have 0 attention spans, but we can't really blame them for that...we created the world that they are the result of. No, I'm talking about all of us.

Apart from a few short-lived economic downturns, we have lived extremely well for about 40 years. Don't get me wrong...if you have lost your job recently or in the past, or have had to deal with significant financial strain, or worse, personal grief and challenges, you might have a hard time agreeing. But on the whole, western societies have had it really good for a long time. Us baby boomers (yup, I'm JUST old enough to be one) watched our parents work hard to give us good lives, but somehow it hasn't been all that hard for us. For us and for the younger generations, life has been extremely good.

In fact, so good that it has become....boring. Yup, just not enough challenge to get us through the day. Don't forget that we have evolved from beings that had to fight just to eat every day. Our bodies are not adapting fast enough to our social evolution, so we still have all the physical responses to danger and stress. What's worse, the stress we experience today is less intense and more long-term, when you compare it to fighting off a wild cat to keep your family alive.

Think about the last time you went to an attraction park, you know, the ones with the huge rides. You went on the easier rides first, then built up your courage to go on the monster scarier-than-hell major attraction. Wow, you felt exhilarated when you got off! But three minutes later, you wanted to go again. Why? Because your body has a physical need to re-experience the adrenaline rush that was triggered by your fear on the ride. Just like the any other addiction, we become emotionally and chemically addicted to adrenaline.

This addiction follows us throughout our lives. So we create crises to become stressed so that we can feel that adrenaline rush once again. We need more intensity every day to get our fix. This is why the great things around us just don't seem all that great after they have been in our lives for a while. They don't produce that adrenaline rush. They become...ok. But because we need the adrenaline, we seek out something new, something that will be even more great!

So, what to do about this? How do we recapture the greatness of our fabulous lives? How do we stop the frantic search for something better?

My answer comes from a different type of question: how do we appreciate the great in front of us but still continue to strive for future greatness? By becoming clear on what we want and need in our lives. Once we know that, we can see the great that exists and can dream of the great that has not yet arrived.

I have a whole lot more to say on this, but I'll stop for today. Give it some thought and let me know what you think about all of this.

Why so tense?

2010-02-25T13:23:00.001-05:00

Something weird happened today that got me thinking about positive vs negative energy. I got a phone call from someone I met at a networking event. We had exchanged business cards and had discussed some possible opportunities, but had not really landed on anything immediate that we wanted to work on together.

This person left me a frantic email (with lots of background noise) telling me to stop sending emails with embedded images, instead to send attachments. I thought he might be talking about the newsletter that I have been sending recently, but I thought it strange since I hadn't sent out a newsletter in a few weeks. His voice mail message was very aggressive, in the tone you would use when a telemarketer keeps calling you even though you have told them to take you off their calling list.

I called him back to understand what was going on. As far as I was concerned, I hadn't done anything to piss him off (I checked and he isn't even on my newsletter distribution list). When we spoke, he started talking about a project that had absolutely no relevance to my business. He had obviously mistaken me for someone else. He was so entranced by his frustration that he was convinced that he was working with me on this project. I corrected him and wished him good luck in finding whoever it was that he needed to talk to about this annoying email.

After I hung up, I got to thinking: what would make someone so frustrated about an email that he would get confused about who he was working with? And to be so rude to someone over the phone before even checking his details? I guess I could say that this person has no manners and is the kind of person who treats others like mud. But honestly, I don't think that it's as simple as that.

This fits in with the theories I've been spelling out in the book I am currently writing. People are caught up in a cycle of negativity and crisis. Everything is a disaster and you have to panic and do something, anything, to make it right again. Make a call, leave a voice mail, send an email response...augh!!!!!!!!!!! do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and then when you get it wrong, you beat yourself up and look for the next crisis to redeem yourself. Yikes!

Instead, why don't we stop for just a minute. Yep, I am taking a whole 60 seconds out of your day. Take a few deep breaths. Did you know that research has shown that just three deep breaths sends enough additional oxygen to your brain for you to think more clearly? Then look at whatever is causing you to panic in light of your objectives (for the day, for the week, for the month) and ask yourself: "ok, is this a big deal?". Sure, some things are big deals and you will have to address them quickly before they cause major damage. But so many other will not be. Not worrying about them will free up more than enough energy to address the big deals properly.

Try it, just once, and let me know what comes of your experiment. Suggest it to others that you work and live with when they come to you in a panic. I'd love to hear your feedback on this!

Zen and the art of expecting nothing

2010-02-22T08:35:00.000-05:00

We interrupt this blog to bring you an unexpected message...

Ok, I'm supposed to finish my blog from Friday by explaining my theory as to why everything always has to be great for us to feel anything. Sorry, you'll have to wait until tomorrow for that commentary. (In the "industry", they call that a teaser :-)). Instead, I feel the need, as I'm sure many others are doing, to comment on the Olympics.

It may not be true of every household, but ours is always captivated by the Olympics. Something new, something exciting, hopes for Gold. Yesterday was "Super Sunday" as labelled by Canadian broadcasters. Lots of great events, lots of dreams of standing on the podium. The day started with tragic news: the mother of one athlete had passed away overnight. As if an omen, Canadians one by one disappointed their expectant audiences: we had been told to expect Gold in this event, at least a medal showing in that event, definitely a win in hockey. Not that I am complaining about our athletes' performances, trust me, I didn't even have the courage to watch when they showed the helmet-cam pictures of the ski-cross event; I think our athletes are two parts physical geniuses and one part crazy! Hats off to them!

But I want to comment on another aspect: expectation. If you do a bit of reading on eastern thinking, we should prepare for great events and then be ready for greatness to happen...but to have NO expectations. I've always struggled with this. A long time ago someone told me that the one word I needed to fully understand before I could be at peace with myself and the world was "surrender". Surrender to what will happen, to what will not happen. So, how do you balance that with all the talk about visualizing your desired results? We're supposed to focus on what we want (à la Law of Attraction) but at the same time surrender to the possibility of it not happening? Sorry, I'm confused...

This is tough thinking early in the morning...but I think maybe I have a glimpse of an idea of what this is all about. Maybe I'm being too literal. Maybe the visualization is not so specific (I'm watching this particular Canadian athlete receiving the gold medal), maybe it's more general (I'm watching our athletes cheer about how great they did, regardless of the outcome). Maybe it's not the catalog that Joe Vitale talks about in The Secret (you turn the pages and pick the things, people and experiences that you want to live), maybe it's more about picking the emotions you want to feel, the satisfactions you need to experience, the "wins" you wish to accomplish.

So I'm going to test this today (you can play along too, if you wish). I'm going to visualize getting a phone call that is going to make me yell "YES!!!!!" when I hang up. And a feeling of satisfaction at 4pm for a challenging piece of work I needed to complete. And a sudden reason to smile at 7:30 tonight. These are my expectations for the day. I'll let you know tomorrow how it all turned out.

(p.s., if you have thoughts about how to align eastern thinking with western living, please feel free to comment!)

Blogging energy

2010-02-19T15:16:00.000-05:00

...or energy blogging? Actually, today it seems like the same thing. It's been over a month since I have found something of value to say in this blog. What's the problem, you ask? Well, I guess I've been out of positive energy.

I've been told that I'm the sort of person who tells it like it is. Never a particular good poker player, people who know me would say that I'm no good at hiding my feelings or my thoughts when I feel particularly strongly about something. I actually find this to be a hindrance in business sometimes. Not that I advocate being deceitful in business, but there is a certain amount of role-playing one must assume if one is to be a successful business leader or entrepreneur. At the core of this is being positive, even when things aren't going very well.

I suspect that there are a lot of people who had a tough 2009. Whether you were challenged in growing your business, keeping your job, or maintaining your credit card balances at reasonable levels, things just weren't all that great for many people. Certainly when we compare to others who have lost their homes, livelihoods or suffered other catastrophes, we managed quite well. But my guess is that a lot of people are looking at the bottom line (whether it be financial, personal or other) and wondering what happened to the abundance they enjoyed just a few years ago.

I am one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I have made a lot of significant changes in my life and I believe I made the right choices. And there are a lot of positive things going on now that would not be if I had not made those choices. So things are good. They just aren't....great. And I'm a person who likes great! I want great! I need great to feel like I am alive. I need great to feed my positive energy cycle, so I can continue taking the actions I need to complete my master plan for life greatness (as I define it).

Without at least some great in my life, I tend to overlook the good. My positive energy drops away. At the same time, I feel this expectation from the world to pretend that everything is ok. And, as I said above, I'm not very good at pretending. Which is why (finally, I get to the punch line), I haven't been able to blog much lately. I just don't feel like it would be right to say all kinds of positive things when I don't feel them. It's as if I would be preaching to you but not even believing what I am writing. Hmm, doesn't work for me.

So, what to do? I guess I need some great in my life! Well, I forgot to buy a lottery ticket for tonight, so I can't count on that. And since my pocketbook isn't quite as full as it used to be, my previous feel-great activities (spend the weekend in another city, go to the spa, have a fabulous dinner out, etc etc) are a bit too expensive right now. And I can't count on someone else delivering me my great thing; life has taught me (and probably you too) that counting on the outside world to make me feel great is a waste of time. So I have to come up with a great thing for me that won't cost much and won't leave me feeling like I made something up to pretend that things were great...

Oh, wait, hang on, what was that email that I received this morning from a client? "wow, what great work, you have no idea how this helps me, thanks!". And then that message from a friend who popped by last night: "hey, we had a lot of fun last night, didn't we?". And then there's that $500 travel credit that is the result of a cancelled trip...hmm, where could I go?

Yeah, there's a moral to this story. It's so goofy, but we miss it all the time. Great is sitting right in front of me. It's there, but I ignore it. We all ignore it. Why? Well, I have a theory about that, which I will write about tomorrow. In the meantime, take 2 minutes (come on, 2 minutes is NOT that long) to identify 3 great things that have happened to you in the last 24 hours.

Hey, I feel better! Cool, the sun came out too (no, really, that doesn't only happen in movies!). It's Friday afternoon, and I think I'll take the rest of the day off to celebrate all the great things that have happened to me. You should too (tell your boss that I, your unofficial coach, authorized it!).

Have a GREAT weekend!

Monique

Analogies

2010-01-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

I think in analogies. Often when I'm trying to explain something that's hard for me or someone I'm working with, I look to life to give me a hint. And as long as I'm listening (in other words, I'm prepared to hear what is said to me, even if it comes from a strange source), I usually get my hint or even the whole answer.

This happened to me this morning, but let me give you a bit of background. I have a lot of positive plans for 2010, but a few new projects are stalled, and I've been thinking all week about how to move forward. At the same time, worrying about them is using up time that could be put towards my on-going projects. What to do? Do I continue working on solving my new projects? Do I abandon them and put all my time towards my on-going projects? Do I simply give everything up and start over? Tough questions, especially this early into a new year.

Having spent a restless night, I got up too tired to think about this today. Taking Scarlett O'Hara's approach (for those of you who didn't take the advice in my last blog to watch some classic movies, Scarlett is the heroine of Gone with the Wind), I decided that I'd think about all this tomorrow...or more likely Monday since my weekend seems to be already filled with family stuff. To try to reduce some of the stress, I thought I'd spend a bit of time playing one of my favorite computer card games.

Now, I realize that I am horribly technology-retarded, and by reading that I still play card games on my computer, most of you are thinking "when will she get into the 21st century"? Well, as it turns out, this computer card game came in handy this morning, as it handed me the answer I was looking for. Without going into too many details, near the end of the game when you are about to lose, you have the option of doing a Ctrl-Z which undoes your last move. This allows you to try out a few options and back out if they don't allow you to continue on to win the game. It doesn't usually work, but it's better than giving up right away. As I was using this strategy (some of you might call it cheating, I call it strategy :-)), I kept thinking "no way, I'm not giving up, I'm going to win this stupid game". And then it happened...I won! Ok, bizarre, let's try this again. And I won again. And then it hit me!

BANG!!!!!

That's it! Determination and belief. Remember, we've talked about this before in this blog. Sometimes things are so obvious that we lose them in the midst of all our "complex" thinking. Maybe what is missing in the application of my plans is determination and belief. Regardless of whether I decide to continue on with my new projects or drop them and concentrate on my on-going projects, the point is that I need to BELIEVE that I will succeed, and then set my teeth in DETERMINATION and refuse to lose the game. Maybe get a little mad in the process, but also think about the card game: when a particular move doesn't seem to work, back up, reset and try another move. But the point is to win the game.

Ok, so I'm off to work again. Scarlett will just have to think about things tomorrow without me, I'll be busy trying another move. Maybe you'll be doing the same thing. I believe that it will work for you too. Good luck!

Classic movies

2010-01-11T13:16:00.000-05:00

I've always been a fan of classic movies. My parents watched lots of movies when we were kids. Of course, in those days, you watched what was played on TV, when it was played (before the days of video stores, VCRs, video on demand, satellite TV and YouTube!). And regular TV stations actually played good movies, in fact they bid for the rights to play classics that were sure to draw an audience with the stay-at-home crowd.

So we'd often hear at the dinner table on a Friday or Saturday evening that a particularly good movie was going to be played later on. Movies like Lawrence of Arabia, How the West was Won, Gone with the Wind, War and Peace, Doctor Zhivago, Anna and the King of Siam (not to be confused with The King and I), The Lion in Winter, Bridge over the River Kwai...I could go on. These were always opportunities for us to stay up late to watch the movie until the end.

Now that I am living in a francophone environment, I realize that many people didn't have this same experience. So I am introducing my boyfriend to all these classics. We laughed last night when we noticed that at the beginning of Lawrence of Arabia, they play a musical overture to welcome the audience into the theatre...isn't that a much more pleasant introduction to the movie than the numerous commercials and trailers that they make you sit through today before you get to see the movie you actually paid to watch?

And then I got to thinking this morning: what a great way to embellish an education (yours or maybe your children's)! Of course, as the Arab tribes were fighting through Turkish-occupied territory on their way to Damascus, we pulled out the atlas to position ourselves in that part of the world. Right, there was the Nefud desert that T.E. Lawrence passed through the first time, then Sinai where he lost his compass and finally the route north. We also tried to remember the small amount of WWI history we had learned...unfortunately this was never part of my high school training; I guess I would have to take a university-level 20th century geopolitical history course to fill in the gaps.

The point is that you do learn a lot watching these movies. Things that allow you to put today's global events in perspective. And they inspire you to do more learning, maybe grab the atlas or a history book, or check out certain details on Wikipedia or some other web resource. Perhaps if we understood more about the topics that are the backdrop for these classic movies, we'd be in a better position to form opinions about today's current events.

So, if you are looking for something to fill a cold wintry evening, get a few friends together and rent one of these old classics. Make a point of pausing every once in a while to discuss what can be learned from what you've been watching. Oh, and don't forget to listen to the music!

Made for bigger stuff

2010-01-06T08:08:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year to all of you! It's been a busy holiday season for me, as evidenced by my lack of blogging. But I've completed my annual planning and intend to be much more faithful to you readers in 2010.

Today's topic is inspired by my boyfriend's older son, a typical 14-year-old. There was a bit of frustration in the house this morning as we witnessed yet another time that he didn't bother to shut out the kitchen lights before leaving for school. And yet he has been told many times. I got to thinking, however, about how he processes the information we pass on about saving money on the electric bill and maybe doing our small part to save the environment. It's as if he doesn't process it at all. As if it's junk email that gets deleted before you even scan the contents... because of its title or sender, you KNOW it doesn't need to take any of your attention.

So, if turning out lights is junk mail to him, what does that mean? Given that this is a POSITIVE energy blog, I tried to think of a positive interpretation (rather than just sigh and try harder tomorrow). I got to thinking that maybe he's simply not made to pay attention to these small details in life. Maybe he's made for bigger stuff. There are many adults who pay absolutely no attention to detail, but achieve great things in life. I suspect Albert Einstein didn't bother to turn out the lights when he left a room. Neither did Leonardo or Michaelangelo (of course, they would have simply let their candles burn out). I bet Bill Gates doesn't think much about lights in a room, and while Warren Buffet is probably a fanatic for turning out lights, I suspect it's motivated much more by his frugal nature than actual attention to this small detail. All of these people have "people" who turn out lights for them. So maybe we need to focus on making sure that our 14-year-old plans to surround himself with people who will pay attention to these "insignificant" details for him and he'll be just fine.

What is the real point of this blog? It's that we often take things at face value and interpret them in our typical pessimistic or negative manner. It would be really easy to say that this 14-year-old is lazy...or doesn't listen to his father...or doesn't care about his impact on the rest of the family. What is more difficult is imagining something positive about this: maybe he IS the next Einstein? Maybe his brain is made for bigger stuff? If that's the case, we'd better stop distracting his genius by telling him to turn out the lights (which he will never do anyways) and start helping him fill his brain with ideas and dreams and confidence. Maybe our energy will be much more effective that way.

Oh, and I guess I'll just have to get used to shutting out the physical lights so that I can help turn on internal lights.

Have a great day!

Two words that you should never hear

2009-12-07T07:51:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a lot of pondering and strategizing and scheming lately. It's all part of my annual planning cycle for my business. And, as a result, I've been seeking advice from people who happen to wander into my pondering. Many people have a lot of good suggestions, ideas and help to offer, and I thank each and every one of them. But sometimes people get carried away and think they can tell you what to do...always a bad idea!

In particular, there are two words that you have the right to absolutely ignore when someone dares to say them to you: "must" and "can't".

"You must" do this: this recently came up when I was trying to determine if I could afford to participate in a project on top of all the things I am working on for my business (oh, and all the stuff I do at home too). I was told I must participate! Ok, the last time someone said "you must" to me was when I was 10 years old and my Mother was telling me to make my bed. (Note: I don't make my bed anymore except when I have company or when I wash the sheets).

"You must" takes all the energy out of wanting to help people, wanting to contribute something unique. "You must" means that the other person thinks they know better how to run your life. If you ever hear this, you have my permission (as if you need it!) to totally wipe it from your brain, because it can cause you to make a rash decision: either to do what you "must" to please (or shut up) the other person, or to not do what you "must" in rebellion.

"You can't" is also something that I heard recently when I was discussing the projects I want to launch for the next year. "You can't" means I don't have the energy to complete everything I set in my plan, it means I am not capable. NOT TRUE! And it's not true for you either. Anything we set our hearts, minds and resources to can be done. Sure, maybe we need help or some creative plan to make it all happen, but that doesn't mean that we can't! If anyone dares say this to you, I suggest that you use it to drive your determination to make it happen.

Remember that you are the creator of your dreams and you are the one who knows how to realize them. You know where best to put your energy, and no-one, even the wisest person on the planet, knows better than you. Good luck with your scheming and dreaming!

Croyez-vous au Père Noël?

2009-11-23T08:08:00.001-05:00

Le Père Noël est arrivé à Montréal samedi. Une super-belle journée pour un défilé, le pauvre a dû être un peu chaud dans son grand manteau rouge. On discutait de ça à l'heure du dîner, c'est une discussion qui recommence chaque année avec les enfants de mon conjoint et leurs amis : crois-tu au Père Noël?

Moi j'y crois. Les jeunes, hah, eux sont complètement cyniques et rient quand je leur dis que j'y crois. Mais il faut se demander : comment sait-on si le Père Noël existe ou n'existe pas? Peut-on le prouver oui ou non? Les jeunes répliquent que ce sont les parents qui donnent les cadeaux. Bonne réponse, mais ça ne prouve pas que le Père Noël n'existe pas, ça veut tout simplement dire qu'il n'a pas laissé de cadeaux chez eux.

Mais cette discussion est plus grande que ça. C'est une discussion sur la foi. Ah, la foi, ça revient souvent dans mes blogues! Croire au Père Noël c'est croire en quelque chose qui, logiquement, ne devrait pas être vrai. C'est croire en quelque chose de merveilleux, mais pas très pratique. C'est de retourner en enfant, quand nous faisons confiance dans le grand mystère, quand nous savons que même si nous avions été un peu tanants durant l'année, il y aura des cadeaux mystérieux en desssous de l'arbre. Quand on était ados, mon père faisait un gros "Ho Ho Ho" pour nous réveiller le matin de Noël. On savait bien que c'était lui, mais.....ça donnait quand même un petit frisson : et si c'était vraiment le Père Noël qui prenait un café avec mon père après avoir fini son boulot?

Ça fait du bien de croire dans le Père Noël. Ça enlève un peu de responsabilité de nos dos. Et ça permet d'envelopper une fête bien trop commercialisée d'une couche de mystère, de magie. Ça fait étinceler la neige (qui n'a pas encore tombée ici à Montréal!), ça fait briller les chandelles un peu plus fort, ça donne aux chorales et chanteurs de cantiques et chants de Noël un peu plus d'oumph.

Et, finalement, ça nous permet de croire. D'utiliser un outil -- la foi -- qui nous permet de mieux vivre. Ça enlève le besoin de tout rationaliser. Alors, durant le temps des fêtes, ayont un peu de foi, laissons-nous croire au Père Noël. Au pire, ça pourrait dire un cadeau de plus en dessous de l'arbre!

Keeping healthy

2009-11-10T08:50:00.000-05:00

I don't generally use my blog to promote particular products or services that I use. I figure most people don't want to read yet another promotion for something they don't need right now. But in the midst of all the H1N1 panic, I thought I'd put in a good word for keeping healthy.

You can believe what you wish about getting vaccinated against the H1N1 virus. Some believe so fervently that they jump ahead of the lines, being vaccinated before people who are more vulnerable. Others refuse absolutely to get vaccinated. And there are even those who believe that this whole H1N1 thing is a conspiracy by the drug companies to sell more vaccine. Whatever, actually it doesn't really matter what is behind all this talk and activity, just one more sign that people would prefer that someone tells them what to do rather than do their own homework.

What is important, however, is staying in touch with your body and providing it the best possible environment to be able to keep up with your mind and spirit. Again, lots of differing opinions on what that means. Yes, you should do your own homework. You should be in communication with your body, listening to its needs and when it tells you of excesses. You should do the research to decide for yourself what is right for you. But there are some basic facts (yes, I said facts because time and again studies have proven that they are true) that should be able to guide you in the right direction:

Get enough sleep: that means between 7 and 9 hours in bed, not doing anything else but sleeping; and if you are not sleeping when you should be, find a solution, whether it be meditation, more exercise during the day, a relaxation regime before going to bed, writing out your worries so that they don't bug you during the night, and perhaps, once you've exhausted all other options, pharmaceutical help (have you tried Melatonin?).
Eat and drink well: lots of fresh food, ie fruit and vegetables; keep the fats and sugars to a minimum and try to stay away from processed (prepared or restaurant) food; listen to your body, eat when you are hungry and don't when you are not; oh, and drink lots of water.
Exercise: ok, I know what those of you who know me are saying (sorry, I haven't really done any exercise in several years); but my body is saying loud and clear "give me something to do, help me be strong"; focus on exercise that stretches, strengthens and helps you do what you want (for example, more arm strength would help my gardening).
Keep your mind and spirit healthy: there are so many links between the physical and psychological/emotional/spiritual sides of us; keeping one healthy helps keep the other healthy; again, this might take a bit of research on your part, but if you listen to yourself, you already know some things that help you keep mind/spirit healthy; I have a few: gardening, reading, watching documentaries.
Nutritional supplements: ok, here comes the commercial; actually again I recommend you do the research; but so many articles and studies come out on a regular basis stating that we don't have high enough levels of so many nutrients that are vital to keeping healthy; our food sources (even when they are fresh) are depleted of the vitamins and minerals that they once abounded with; just last week another study came out saying that Vitamin D is critical to avoiding and treating breast cancer; but do me a favour: PLEASE do not think that taking the supplements that you buy at the grocery store will do the job; these contain no more than 10% of what your body needs to be healthy and they don't always contain what the bottle says they do; do the research, try high quality supplements, like the ones I use (see www.usana.com), give it a month or two, then compare the before and after.

So that's my advice for the day. Decide what you wish about H1N1, but remember that the winter season is also about the common (but extremely annoying) cold, flus, bronchitis, asthma attacks, and the effects of reduced sun hours. Take care of yourself!

(Gotta go now, it's sunny and time for my dose of natural vitamin D to supplement the one I take from a bottle!)

"On a tous une raison d'aimer...

2009-10-30T15:33:00.000-04:00

... de croire, d'espérer" (merci, Roch Voisine pour ces belles paroles!).

J'ai cette chanson dans ma tête; ça m'arrive souvent d'avoir une chanson qui se répète dans ma tête toute la journée. Des fois je me réveille avec une chanson, des fois c'est quelque chose qui joue sur la radio dans l'auto ou bien je vois des mots qui me font penser à des paroles.

C'est vendredi et j'ai la tête dans la brume. J'ai mal dormi et je ne suis pas très alerte. Un peu comme le temps, gris, maussade, sombre. Non, je ne suis pas déprimée ni en humeur noire. Je profite de ma journée dans la brume pour reposer ma tête. Nous avons parlé dans un blogue la semaine passée de l'importance de regénérer notre énergie. Bien, je crois que c'est aussi important de fermer la machine de temps en temps pour la laisser se reposer, pour mieux la repartir demain. Comme un ordinateur qui doit être fermé de temps en temps pour clairer la mémoire (je m'excuse auprès de mes lecteurs qui connaissent les ordis plus que moi, peut-être on a pas besoin de faire ça?).

Alors, que faire avec une journée comme celle-ci? Même si notre esprit conscient est un peu endormi, nous sommes toujours en train d'absorber, de contempler, de travailler, de faire des liens, de créer. C'est tout simplement que nous ne réagissons pas autant que normal. Et ça fait du bien. Honnêtement, nous réagissons trop normalement, et certainement trop vite.

Alors, aujourd'hui j'écoute et j'observe. J'écoute tous les messages que je manque quand je suis en mode "action". Les droles de coincidences, les choses que je ne considère pas quand je suis trop occupée, les messages qui sont passés entre deux phrases ou par un regard inattendu. Un sourire, un appel, une chanson qui répète des paroles que j'ai tant besoin d'entendre... et je sais que tous ces messages contribuent au processus créatifs qui travaillent continuellement à l'intérieur de moi.

Donnez-vous une journée de vrai repos. Ne réveillez pas votre cerveau demain (ou dimanche si vous êtes trop occupés demain). Fermez la partie réaction et observez...absorbez.

J'ai hâte à voir ce qui m'attend demain...peut-être une nouvelle idée pour un projet, un modèle à suivre pour vendre mes livres, une manière d'organiser mon bureau pour qu'il reste propre pour plus que deux jours, des mots à partager avec quelqu'un qui cherche un peu d'encouragement! Mais je sais que demain sera une journée extraordinaire, comme si ma tête était complètement renouvellée.

Je vous reviens en début de semaine avec les résultats!

Bonne fin-de-semaine!

What's right with the world

2009-10-27T14:24:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been noticing that I've been saying "what's wrong with the world" a lot. I guess that's not very hard. What with the drama created by the H1N1 virus scare, crooked politicians and even more crooked business people, appalling customer service wherever you turn, companies downsizing to stay afloat in these challenging economic times and airline pilots overshooting their destination, it's no wonder that we easily find a lot of "wrong" things.

But what we forget is that the "right" things are all still there, they are just hiding. Hiding behind people's craving for dramatic news stories and our natural ability to remember negative things more easily than positive things. "Right" things are often more subtle, closer to home and easily forgotten because they make our lives easier, not harder.

Last week I wrote a blog about turning around a difficult day. I didn't hesitate to mention all the things that had gone wrong that day. Well, today I'm going to mention a bunch of things that have gone right since then:

a friend who really needed to sell his house to fund his life purpose posted a message on Facebook last night: two offers on the house, one was accepted and pending a home inspection on the weekend, the house is sold!
the ever elusive perfect bookcase that I mentioned in my blog last week has been found, bought (at a great price!), delivered and installed; as a bonus, the books it was meant to house fit perfectly; (in honour of my sister Jackie, I arranged them "a la Martha Stewart")!
I received the long-awaited proof of my book; it actually looks like a real book with my name on the front cover!
I learned how to make spring rolls and Chinese dumplings...and they were fabulous!
we managed to close our pool for the season before the weather turns very cold and snowy!
an opportunity to turn theoretical increased value into real money has presented itself at a very propitious moment!
three interesting people from my past have reconnected with me!

I could go on and on; and, in fact, you should too. I challenge you to spend 5 minutes writing out all the good things going on in your world. Did you run out of paper? Let's take the challenge of ignoring all the bad things in our world today. For 24 hours, every time bad news comes up (that isn't a personal emergency that needs to be addressed), let's simply ignore it. Of course, that means not talking about most of the things we talk about, probably not reading the newspaper, not tuning on our favorite high-drama TV show, not posting our latest whine on Facebook, etc.

I bet that we'll find that we are saying "how did all this good stuff end up in my life" far more often than what we were saying before this exercise.

Regénérer notre énergie

2009-10-23T08:55:00.000-04:00

J'ai donné beaucoup d'énergie cette semaine. Soit que c'était lors d'un évènement de réseautage où j'aidais les gens à se rencontrer et à réseauter d'une façon plus "humaine", ou que c'était pour accompagner un client lors d'une rencontre avec la banque, ou d'animer une séance de "brainstorming", ou simplement d'encourager un ami qui commence à manquer de confiance dans son cheminement.

Cependant, j'ai reçu de l'énergie aussi. De mon conjoint qui m'a aidé à passer à travers une nuit d'inquiétude, de mon grand ami Serge qui m'encourage à travailler mon côté plus créatif, d'un collègue qui m'a raconté une expérience semblable à la mienne et qui a bien tourné. Et puis, je me donne la permission aujourd'hui, vendredi, de prendre du temps pour regénérer de l'énergie pour la fin-de-semaine et la semaine qui s'en vient.

C'est très important de comprendre que nous ne sommes pas des sources infinies d'énergie. Il faut trouver les moyens de regénérer cette énergie que nous donnons sans cesse à notre environnement. Pour moi, c'est un peu de temps toute seule, peut-être de la musique, de la réflexion, et une série d'activités énergisantes : la rédaction de mon prochain info-lettre, un tour dans le spa, un peu de jardinage, un bon souper de "comfort food" (mmm, la lasagne de Serge est très bonne!), une soirée de lecture, me coucher quand je suis fatiguée (et non quand l'horloge dit que c'est le temps).

Aujourd'hui, prenez quelques minutes pour identifier les activités qui vous redonnent de l'énergie. Peut-être c'est aller courir, prendre une marche dans les feuilles qui tombent, jaser avec un(e) ami(e), lire un chapitre d'un livre inspirant, résoudre un problème au travail... ça peut être n'importe quoi. Ensuite, donnez-vous la permission de faire une de ces activités. Vous verrez que c'est beaucoup plus facile de combler les besoins des autres et de donner de l'énergie quand vous en avez regénérer.

Bonne fin-de-semaine!

I'm trendy! (I think)

2009-10-14T15:58:00.001-04:00

Ok, this is just weird. I've never been a really trendy person. Don't bother too much with fashion trends (except when I was in high school -- how can a girl not follow fashion trends in high school?)...never been one to watch trendy TV shows (I have NEVER watched an episode of 24)...voted left of centre in Alberta (I don't think I have to explain that one)...I don't have the latest gadgets...I just replaced my old stove with a plain black one (gasp, not stainless steel???).

I had a few moments to spare today before a meeting and stopped in at a magazine shop. And there was Oprah staring out at me (her magazine, not her!). Oprah epitomizes trendy. She creates trends. She recommends books and they immediately become best sellers. She invites experts from The Secret on her show and they become huge stars. Tom Cruise freaks out on her show and everyone starts to wonder about him. Oprah = Trend.

So, I figured, might as well see what she has to say. The biggest headline on the front cover was about finding your life purpose. Huh! Those of you who are familiar with the book I am writing will remember that this will be the topic of my next chapter summary (due to come out this week). Ok, I say, interesting coincidence. Then I leaf through the first few pages (skipping the fashion ads) and notice that one of the contributors on this same subject is Alain de Botton, which normally would mean nothing to me, except that I happen to be reading one of his books (the Architecture of Happiness), which I bought for recreational reading and not reading associated with my book. Go figure!

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that everything happens for a reason, in fact a good reason. All the events in our lives occur to either inspire us, to move us into action or to reward us. So, these references to my book and my reading are not just random. They mean something. The tricky part is that we don't always figure out what they mean, but we are still supposed to use them. So, this could be encouraging me to continue writing; it could be a sign that once my book is finished, I may indeed get that spot on Oprah's TV show; it could suggest that the way I have changed my thinking is starting to line up with a trend; it could simply be reinforcement that I am supposed to trust, to believe that the universe is working along with me to help me accomplish my goals.

It actually doesn't matter what it means. What matters is that I use these "coincidences" as inspiration to keep on doing what I am doing, to learn from people who also think the way I think, and to profit from the great exposure Oprah has to move my message forward.

Have you noticed any interesting coincidences today? Are there messages that you have received that are inspiring, motivating you to act on your goals, rewarding you for doing "the right thing"? Once you start looking, trust me, these messages are everywhere!

Positive Energy

2009-10-09T12:35:00.000-04:00

It's all nice and fine to promote and write a blog about positive energy. On good days, I write about stuff I hope can help people live well and bring positivity into their world. But I wonder how many of you might have read my blog on a day when things just weren't going all that well, and you said to yourself: "sure, it's easy for her, she didn't experience the day I did!".

Well, you have a point. Because I'm having that kind of day today. First of all, I learned something at a business breakfast this morning that I SHOULD have known; in fact, I suspect the person that told me probably thought I was incredibly naive and inexperienced not to have known this fact. So, strike 1: embarrassment.

Then I got home to find an extremely long insurance form I needed to fill out with some questions that I simply didn't understand. Legal terminology in any language is already a challenge, and given that two thirds of my business life has been in an English environment, I have to admit to not being able to figure the French form out. Strike 2: feelings of inadequacy.

And then, I've been looking for a bookcase for a friend of mine and just can't find the right one at the right price that isn't already sold. Strike 3: frustration.

By now, I should just give up and climb back into bed (did I mention it is raining?). But I can't. Why? Because you are out there, having the same kind of days as I am, and it would be terribly hypocritical for me to give up when I'm telling you not to. And, when I give myself 5 minutes to calm down and reconsider the situations I'm living today, I actually can imagine resetting my energy. Like they say in The Secret (the part where they show the woman stubbing her toe as she gets out of bed and then ripping her pantyhose), you can turn your energy around. It is a matter of CHOICE.

So, how to do this. First of all, what I am grateful for in all this mess? Well, at least I found out the important information that caused strike 1 now and not 10 years from now. The woman who told me was polite enough not to laugh at me, so she allowed me to be embarrassed in the privacy of my own car. Insurance form: maybe my frustration will serve as an encouragement for the insurance business to accept a trend that has started in business, which is to develop legal documents in "plain language", you know, words that the rest of us can understand. In fact, I will suggest this to them when I fax back the incomplete form. As for the bookcase, at least I don't have to drive across town in rainy weather today and can catch up on other work; the right bookcase is out there, it just hasn't found us yet.

Ok, gratitude helps me see the situation as not so bad. Now to complete the shift to good (and even great), I'm going to do something positive, something that uses what I've learned this morning, that moves me forward on my path. Of all the selling points I use in promotion of my business, the one I believe most in is the fact that I am just like you; I'm not the ultra-successful star, the one that was featured in CEO Magazine or The Secret; I'm not super rich, driving a Mercedes to meetings and checking the time on my $1000 watch; I'm not especially calm or in a Zen state 24 hours a day, like the monks from Tibet. I think being a normal person with normal challenges gives me credibility. It allows me to suggest tools and techniques to try to be more positive. It permits me to recommend solutions to my clients, because I live what they are living.

So the positive thing that I am doing is to write this blog; and then I will work on my next newsletter presenting a new chapter of the book I'm writing. My book, for those of you who don't know, is about surfing above the waves of daily life, instead of drowning under them. So, I'm pulling out my surf board, grabbing another coffee (decaf) and setting out to make the most of this day.

Oh, and the best part? My friend of the bookcase is a great chef and made us Beef Barley Soup: supper will be fabulous!

Expérience

2009-10-08T10:01:00.000-04:00

Les sociétés anciennes vénéraient leurs membres plus âgés, ceux qui avaient plus d'expérience de vie. Les raisons étaient nombreuses : les aînés avaient vécu toutes sortes de situations, avaient vu des temps de guerre et de paix, de prospérité et de difficulté, de bonheur et de tristesse. Ils avaient pris beaucoup de décisions, et avaient vu les conséquences de leurs choix. Ils avaient rencontrer toutes sortes de personnes et savaient à qui faire confiance et de qui se méfier.

Mais aujourd'hui tout a changé. La plupart des sociétés du monde développé mettent leurs aînés de côté, font semblant qu'ils ont rien à dire et évitent leurs conseils. Nous valorisons les jeunes, avec leurs connaissances technologiques, leur capacité d'être "multi-tasker", leur amour des nouvelles idées, leur désir de saisir les nouvelles tendances. Les médias cherchent à les captiver, les marketeurs essayent de les intéresser à leurs produits, les employeurs cherchent à les embaucher...

Cependant, il faut penser : avons-nous vraiment raison de passer à côté de toute l'expérience qu'une génération de personnes pourrait nous offrir? Prenons un exemple : hier j'ai finalement accepté que mon four ne fonctionne pas; ça fait depuis l'été passé qu'il ne veut pas allumer quand c'est humide (c'est toujours humide à Montréal!). Quoi faire? devrais-je appeler quelqu'un pour essayer de le réparer? Ou bien investir dans une nouvelle cuisinière? Et comment savoir si ma décision est la bonne? Et puis, l'idée m'est venue : je vais appeler ma mère. Elle a beaucoup plus d'expérience dans l'achat des électroménagers et dans leur réparation. Et puis, suite à quelques questions, elle m'a conseillé avec confiance : achète une nouvelle cuisinière, tu ne vas pas le regretter!

Pourquoi donc ne pas utiliser l'outil de l'expérience plus souvent? Pourquoi ne pas avoir des mentors dans toutes les domaines : l'industrie, la gestion de nos villes, notre province et notre pays (n'est-ce pas ça, le Sénat au Canada?), l'éducation de nos jeunes, la santé? Pourquoi ne pas mettre nos "aînés" au travail, pour nous aider à ne pas faire les mêmes erreurs, à réagir avec sagesse, à comprendre comment communiquer?

Je vous laisse avec cette pensée : comment pourrons-nous incorporer nos "sages" dans notre quotidien? Je vous encourage de partager vos pensées dans ce blogue.

You can't push rain

2009-10-05T13:56:00.000-04:00

What do I mean by not being able to push rain? I mean that you can't push it back up into the sky when you want the ground to stay dry (or when you don't want to ruin a good hair day!), and you can't push it down harder when you want more moisture to seep into the ground. Being from the prairies (even though I'm a city girl), we talked a lot about weather when I was young. It comes from having a major part of your economy driven by agriculture. I guess the analogy stuck with me.

So, what does pushing (or not pushing) rain have to do with life? Quite simply, there are times when we just have to let things happen when and where they do. Because they are going to happen no matter what you try to do to stop them. Here's an example: municipal elections are coming up in November in the province of Quebec. The director of the elections process put out a video on YouTube last week to try to get people to go out and vote. The video was apparently a parody of a well-known TV personality. It was very well done and quite funny. Unfortunately, the TV personality and his network didn't think it was such a great idea and demanded that the video be pulled from YouTube. Now, I'm not the most techno-aware person, but even I know that once something is on YouTube, and you let people know that you want it pulled, it is going to spread like wildfire! "Oh," people say, "you don't want us to watch this? Hmm, must be a good reason...I'm going to check it out and then get all of my friends to watch too!"

You see, you just cannot stop people from doing things you don't want them to do. And you can't get them to do the other things that you really want them to do. All you can do is catch the wave and ride it to your advantage. This is so true in our everyday lives. Of course, there are times when things go exactly the way we planned them. But for all the other times, we can turn them into situations that go our way by altering our plan, by shifting the current situation to our advantage, and by being a bit creative. When things aren't quite following your plan, ask yourself: ok, so how do I make this work for me? What can I take from this situation that will move me along my path? What new ideas and thoughts come out of this that I hadn't considered before? Has this situation actually been put in front of me so that I can learn something I would have missed otherwise?

This is part of the message of being aware that so many personal growth gurus talk about. Be aware of where you want to be going, then be aware of the signs along the way that can take you there. Ride the wave that others set in front of you. Take advantage of weird and unusual situations.

Oh, and never think that you can remove something from YouTube. Even if it is physically possible, someone is bound to have created a copy and will re-post just when you have your back turned. Instead, embrace this great new way of getting info "out there" -- the possibilities of using it to your advantage are endless!

Faire la bonne chose

2009-09-28T09:09:00.001-04:00

Je pensais ce matin...pourquoi ressent-on l'obligation de faire la bonne chose? Cette pensée vient d'une activité de la fin-de-semaine : j'ai participé aux visites d'écoles secondaires avec mon conjoint et son fils. Les écoles accueillent les élèves (et leurs parents) qui pensent peut-être s'inscrire dans le futur. Oui, le fils de mon conjoint est seulement en 5e année. Nous aurions pu attendre l'année prochaine pour visiter les écoles. Ou même s'en passer, puisque les visites n'ont fait que confirmer la liste des écoles préférées. Ça nous aurait donné un vendredi soir et un dimanche après-midi de libre pour faire toutes les autres choses sur notre liste "to-do". Mais c'était "la bonne chose" de permettre le jeune de voir pour lui-même. Même s'il a seulement 10 ans, c'est important qu'il commence à apprendre comment prendre des décisions de vie.

Alors la question : pourquoi faire la bonne chose? A-t-on un indicateur en dedans de nous qui s'allume quand c'est quelque chose d'important? Comment sachons-nous que cette chose est importante? Je pense que les réponses à ces questions se trouvent dans quelque chose qui n'est que rarement discuté ces jours-ci : nos VALEURS. Ce sont nos valeurs qui déterminent si quelque chose est assez importante pour allumer l'indicateur, pour nous réveiller, pour nous pousser à faire la bonne chose même si nous sommes fatigués, découragés ou même pas trop intéressés.

Connaissez-vous vos valeurs? Avez-vous déjà pensé de dresser une liste de vos valeurs, et de déterminer lesquelles ont une plus haute priorité? Est-ce que l'efficacité est une de vos valeurs? Est-elle plus ou moins importante que l'apprentissage de la responsabilité chez un de vos enfants? Est-ce que l'humour est une de vos valeurs? Peut-être vous êtes plus le type qui valorise le comportement sobre?

Cet exercice est intéressant puisqu'il nous permet de mieux nous comprendre. Il permet aussi de mieux suivre l'indicateur en dedans de nous. Si nous savons que le plus important, pour nous, c'est qu'un jeune apprend à prendre ses propres décisions, alors nous pourrons mieux accepter qu'il faut sacrificier une fin-de-semaine pour visiter des écoles. Si nous comprenons que l'humour est important pour nous, alors nous comprendront mieux pourquoi nous évitons des activités sérieuses. Ceci nous permet de se livrer à l'indicateur en dedans de nous, de faire confiance à cet indicateur pour nous diriger dans nos vies. L'énergie libérée par cette "livraison" pourra être mieux utilisée ailleurs.

Songs et chansons

2009-09-23T08:13:00.000-04:00

This blog is inspired by one of my Twitter contacts, Michael Murphy (http://twitter.com/michaelmurphy1). He asked his contacts to help him come up with a list of inspiring, powerful songs. He listed a few oldies, like "You've made me so very happy" and a few newer songs like Nickelback's "If today was your last day".

It got me to thinking about the power of songs and how they can affect our moods and behaviour. Ever notice that when you're feeling down, you often put on music that makes you feel even worse? Or when you are feeling energetic, you tune the radio to an upbeat station and turn up the volume? Or when you want to create a romantic mood, the lights go down and the jazz/blues goes up?

So what if we intentionally used music to create the mood we need to be able to achieve our objectives at a particular moment in time? How about using Michael's list (as it gets populated by his Twitter friends) to give us the energy to start our day out right. Or to motivate us through a challenging task. Or to reward ourselves for a job well done.

Here are my ideas for songs:

Amanda Marshall: I believe in You

Gloria Estefan: Reach

Amanda Marshall: If I didn't have You (sing this one to yourself!)

Walking on Sunshine (I can't remember the artist)

So, today's challenge is to think of five songs that are inspiring, give you energy and put you in a good mood. Et, mes lecteurs français, aidez-moi à trouver des chansons françaises. I'm looking forward to your comments.

Have a great Wednesday!

Playing with words

2009-09-21T09:02:00.001-04:00

I was thinking about three words this morning that have similar meanings: confidence, faith and conviction. There are subtle differences, however, in what the words evoke within us, differences that I think are uniquely interpreted by each one of us.

I decided to look up their official definitions; according to The Oxford English Reference Dictionary, I found:

confidence: firm trust, a feeling of reliance or certainty

faith: complete trust or confidence, firm belief especially without logical proof

conviction: a firm belief or opinion

Hmm, ok, so what the dictionary is saying is that faith is more pronounced than confidence, and that conviction is like faith, but seems to be more based on mental rather than emotional arguments (my interpretation of the use of the word opinion).

Why is this useful? I was speaking to a colleague the other day about making good things happen in our lives. I often struggle with how to move from intellectual understanding of this concept to actually living it. Many of us have seen the movie The Secret and you may have also done some related reading. Most of the Secret gurus recommend the "think it to make it happen" approach. But there is another step, because just thinking about what you want in life, for example, doesn't seem to be enough. You need to know that by thinking it, you will actually create it. That takes another level...is it confidence? is it faith? is it conviction? is it an action plan? is it a crystal ball?

I've come to the conclusion that perhaps it is different for each person. For some people, confidence is the step. To me, confidence equates to the thought "I can make this happen". It's about belief in oneself, knowing that we can achieve. I think this is the step for people who rely on themselves a lot to make things happen in their lives. To take a desire out of the mind and into reality, they need a strong dose of confidence.

Then there are the believers. For them, faith is the step between thinking and creating: they need to believe in order to make things happen. Plans and logical arguments aren't necessary (although they may be useful), it is simple faith that is the deciding factor.

And finally there are the practical people. Conviction is their step towards the creation of their ideal lives. For me, conviction stems from an analysis of what needs to be done and a logical conclusion that it is all possible. It is the breakdown of the desired end result into baby steps, an action plan to make it happen and a commitment to putting that plan into place. It is the thinker's approach.

Confidence, faith and conviction: all nuances of the same concept, but each relevant to a different group of people. Pick the one that works for you, in the circumstance you are working to create right now. But remember that it takes one more step beyond the thinking...take that step to make it happen!

Le but du réseautage

2009-09-16T09:34:00.000-04:00

Augh! tout le monde fronce les sourcils quand on parle de réseautage. Pas une autre soirée où il faut faire semblant d'être intéressé dans ce que l'autre dit, de sourire pour deux heures, de trouver l'énergie pour dire, pour la centième fois, ce qu'on "fait dans la vie"!

Mais j'ai eu un expérience hier soir qui m'a fait pensé qu'il y a de l'espoir pour le réseautage. Ce n'était pas une soirée idéale, mais l'évènement approchait ce que j'ai en tête quand je pense au réseautage parfait. Parce que, finalement, le réseautage devrait être une opportunité de rencontrer du monde intéressant, des gens qui ont quelque chose en commun avec nous, et avec qui nous pouvons partager des offres et de la demande. Disons un vrai système d'échange sans toute la gène, l'angoisse et le sentiment d'avoir besoin de se montrer beau, bon, pas cher.

Le secret, je pense, c'est d'enlever la couche de prétension qui existe dans la plupart des activités de réseautage. Mon expérience est souvent celle d'une "étrange" qui rentre là où elle n'est pas la bienvenue, de rentrer en conversation avec des gens qui te parlent seulement parce qu'ils n'ont pas vu leur "gang" de réguliers. Et je trouve que souvent les contacts qu'on fait ne veulent vraiment rien échanger, ils veulent tout simplement vendre.

Mais il y a des alternatives. Un gros merci à Berel Weiner et François Douville qui nous ont forcé, hier soir, de se concentrer sur ce que nous pouvons donner et ce que nous désiront recevoir. J'ai ressenti une différente énergie dans la salle, comme si on pouvait passer au dessus de toutes les prétensions et parler des vraies choses. Oui, il y avait des choses à améliorer dans la soirée, mais au moins j'ai eu l'impression que j'ai parlé à du "vrai monde".

Alors, ne vous découragez pas! Le réseautage n'a pas besoin d'être pénible. Nous pouvons changer les règles du jeu. Je vous garderai au courant de mes expériences.

Keeping up with keeping up

2009-09-09T15:23:00.000-04:00

You might have noticed that I haven't been blogging a whole lot lately. I think it's a symptom of something we all suffer from to some degree: it is really hard to dedicate time to keeping in touch, keeping up with our communication, keeping in tune with our personal, social and business networks.

Some people will say that things are much worse now that we have so many forms of communication at our finger tips. I'm not so sure of that. Remember the good old days when you had to pick up a pen and write out a letter to someone that you couldn't call because long distance telephone fees were so high? (ok, I admit that I'm showing my age, but it wasn't all that long ago!). How many letters did you write? I remember being away at school and at first I wrote to all my friends back home, to the people that had also moved away, and to my family. And I remember receiving letters from people. A few still are memorable, including those from my sister who used to write pages and pages and I soaked up every word! But then, people got busy, less letters were exchanged. But soon email saved the day and we fired off messages all the time. Then chat came along, wow, that was even better, like being on the phone with fifteen people at once. Now Facebook, Twitter and other social media allow us to "talk" to many people at once. Could it be easier?

Funny, though, how we fall into the same habits! We now communicate with so many people that it almost seems like a chore to open one of these Internet tools to see what people are doing. Or we risk becoming addicted, so we limit the time we spend checking out what is going on. And don't forget that almost all of the communication is one-way. Have you noticed how few times people comment on something you've posted on Facebook, or how few replies you get to your Tweets, or even how Linked In discussions rarely go beyond the first comment posted by the discussion's owner?

So, what are the positives that we can extract from these musings? First of all, I think it's worth spending a few moments to contemplate how much time we spend on true, meaningful communication that gives as good as it gets (in other words, all participants contribute and receive). How much do we whine vs help other people laugh? How much do we help vs asking for help? What is the point of communicating a piece of information: is it sharing or showing off? Then I think we should all evaluate whether the forms of communication that we are using are effective for what we wish to communicate. And finally, we should dedicate a certain amount of time to communicating, in whatever media we have chosen. Make it a habit, but one that brings you something worthwhile.

Most importantly, don't forget that behind all of this communicating are human beings who need contact in order to thrive...so contact and be contactable (is that a word?).

Équilibre Aménagement

2009-09-01T07:43:00.000-04:00

Aujourd'hui j'aimerais parler de la puissance des références. Chaque jour, sans y penser, nous donnons des références à ceux qui nous les demandent : où devrions-nous manger ce midi, quel magasin a les meilleurs prix, où pourrais-je trouver de la farine pour faire des pizzas maison, connais-tu un bon plombier, etc.

Pour ceux d'entre nous qui sommes entrepreneurs ou propriétaires de petites entreprises, les références sont ultimement importantes. Sans références, nous sommes toujours à recommencer notre recherche pour de nouveaux clients. Nous devons sans cesse prouver que nous sommes à la hauteur de leurs attentes. Une référence vaut une fortune.

Mais souvent nous oublions de demander à nos clients de passer le mot, de partager avec leurs contacts les avantages de travailler avec nous. Oui, nous participons dans des réseaux électroniques (par exemple Linked In), mais ce n'est pas assez : il faut demander à nos clients s'ils connaissent quelqu'un qui pourrait profiter de nos compétences.

Nous oublions aussi que nous pouvons soutenir nos collègues entrepreneurs en passant des références sur eux. Alors aujourd'hui je vous en passe une : c'est Annie Richard, propriétaire d'Équilibre Aménagement. C'est une organisatrice professionnelle. Elle est aussi certifiée en Feng Shui, qui veut dire que lorsqu'elle complète un projet, vous vous sentirez tellement mieux dans votre espace, même si vous ne comprenez pas pourquoi. Elle se concentre surtout dans le milieu petites entreprises, mais elle a fait un très beau travail chez moi à la maison. Surtout Annie a la capacité d'identifier ce qu'on doit faire sans que nous nous sentons mal à l'aise. Et puisqu'elle est très bien organisée (un atout quand on est organisatrice!), elle nous met sur un horaire qui fait que le travail soit complété sans trainer les pieds.

Alors, si vous avez besoin d'organiser un espace de travail, de planifier votre bureau à la maison, de réaménager les bureaux de votre entreprise, n'hésitez-pas à contacter Annie. Son site Web est le www.equilibreamenagement.com. Et n'oubliez-pas de passer le mot si vous avez la chance!

(oh, je ne dirai pas non si vous pensez passer le mot sur mes blogs et mon entreprise)

Bonne semaine!

Monique

Maintain that vacation feeling!

2009-08-26T08:28:00.000-04:00

You’ve just arrived home from your annual vacation. You’re relaxed, happy, rested and full of energy. And then...reality hits! You’re bombarded by all the demands of home, work and relationships. You feel as if you’re being punished for having felt so good. Here are a few tips to help you maintain that vacation feeling in the midst of the chaos that greets you:

Follow your body’s rhythm and its need for natural sources of energy: eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and maximize the time you spend in the sunlight.
Vacations replace responsibility with choice. Look at your daily decisions as choices rather than burdens and focus on the positive elements of each choice.
Ever notice that you rarely meet unhappy people on vacation? Think about whom you work and play with, and make a conscious choice to surround yourself with people that are good for you.
Rediscover the wonder of your vacation by experiencing beauty in your normal surroundings. Buy a flowering plant, visit a local art gallery, find a cafe with a view, or keep your favourite vacation photo near you.
Often we behave differently while on vacation. Take the hint and continue behaving in this more authentic way.

Maintaining that vacation feeling will allow you to resist against the stresses of daily life in a meaningful and sustainable way. You might just find that you don’t need that expensive vacation next year!

Vacation Report

2009-08-25T11:09:00.000-04:00

Vacations are generally viewed as reasons to "get away": either from our daily work, our regular surroundings, our routines. But vacations are also valuable opportunities to "get to" places we've never seen, have experiences we don't often have time to enjoy during the rest of the year, talk to people we wouldn't normally even notice.

On my recent week off, my boyfriend and I set off to spend a few days in Atlantic City -- not too far a drive from Montreal and you never know what we might find along the way. In fact, my best "get to" experiences happened on the way there and on the way back. Not to say that AC wasn't a great place, but I think the surprises we discovered along the way created more charming memories.

It wasn't exactly on a direct route between Montreal and Atlantic City, but we ended up the first night in New Haven, Connecticut (home of Yale University). Turns out there is a ferry near New Haven that crosses over to Long Island. Although I've travelled quite a bit of the U.S. East Coast, I had never been to there, so we decided it was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Destination: Port Jefferson, NY (see the picture above). What a great town! I highly recommend it to those of you who love spending a day wanding into quaint shops, talking to interesting people and discovering great finds (I bought these fabulous old-fashioned Christmas cards!). I especially recommend The Scented Cottage Garden, that advertises itself as a place to find "Decorative Accessories for Home and Garden". We spoke to Marge McCuen, the owner, who is a great promoter of the town and will help you enjoy your visit. She reminded us to return at the beginning of December for their Charles Dickens Festival -- now that is something that's worth putting on the calendar!

On our way back to Montreal after a few days in Atlantic City, we stopped for lunch at another great NY town: Saratoga Springs. Some of you may know that it is a thriving horse racing community, but in fact it is so much more! Fabulous old B&Bs, tons of restaurants and a huge bookstore to waste away an afternoon or two. Oh and a perfect candy shop for that last U.S. purchase before the border crossing!

So, if you are ever in the area, I recommend you check out these two towns -- definitely worth the stop, or even as a weekend destination! Remember, the "get to" is just as important as the "get away"!

The FABULOUS List

2009-08-24T10:48:00.000-04:00

It occured to me the other day that, by habit, we live in a world of "ok". We have become so blasé by all the great people, situations, environments and things that surround us that everything seems "well, ok, but...".

I'm a great believer in the gratitude exercise that is suggested by most personal growth writers. There are a few ways of doing this, but basically you write down things you are grateful for, even on days when you feel lousy. If you have nothing to write about, you're supposed to list things like "I have two legs" (if you do) or "I woke up this morning". This is all good. But if you've ever practiced this exercise, have you ever written an entry and said to yourself "ok, yeah, I'm grateful for that, but it could be so much better" and then felt that you were trying to convince yourself that you were satisfied that this element of your life was the way it was -- that "just ok" was good enough?

One of the downsides of gratitude exercises is that they encourage us to look at the ordinary in our lives. But what about the extraordinary? We have the habit of lumping the two groups of elements into one pile, and the extraordinary, the fabulous, get totally lost in the ordinary. So I'm going to suggest a new exercise. It won't give us as long a list as the gratitude exercise. It won't necessarily make us feel good about the "ok" things in our lives. But it will help us notice the absolutely fantastic, fabulous, extraordinary things that we are all so fortunate to have. And it will help us realize that these things are truly fabulous and not simply "ok". I call this the FABULOUS LIST exercise.

My list has personal things on it that I won't necessarily share with everyone. But right near the top of my list are the three FABULOUS bookcases in my library. They are from Indonesia, I paid a sinful amount of money for them (when I had quite a bit more disposable income than I have today), they have survived a move across the country and one of my cats loves to sit on the top of the tallest one. They often go unnoticed as I walk by them from my office to the kitchen, but today, I will stop and pay attention to the dark wood grain, the intricate workmanship and remember the hard work I had completed to receive the bonus I used to pay for them.

So, there is an example of how to complete your FABULOUS LIST. I could tell you to write down one thing every day for the next 21 days ("they" say that this is the best way to create a habit). But I know that I don't have to, because once you start thinking about the fabulous things in your life, you will want to continue writing until your hand hurts. It may also inspire you to go get new FABULOUS things that you have been wanting for a long time.

Just remember: FABULOUS IS GOOD!

Zen et l'art de déchiqueter

2009-08-20T08:40:00.000-04:00

L'été est toujours un bon temps pour faire le ménage dans toute la paperasse que nous accumulons durant l'année (et plusieurs années, si vous êtes comme moi et gardez trop de papiers trop longtemps!).

Juste avant mes vacances, j'ai fait le ménage dans mes dossiers personnels courants : les factures, les papiers d'assurance, les états de comptes de banques, etc. J'ai retrouvé un cartable qui rassemblait tous les papiers associés avec la vente de ma vieille maison et l'achat de la nouvelle en 2007. Les papiers importants (hypothèque, contrat d'achat, mis à jour de mon testament) étaient tous mêlés avec les notes de discussion, les petits bouts de papier avec une adresse de maison particulièrement intéressante, les cartes d'affaires de plusieurs agents immobiliers et les responsables de banques, etc. Après le trie, je serrai les papiers importants, jetai les papiers inutiles, mais puisque plusieurs des informations dans les documents que j'avais à jeter étaient confidentielles, j'avais une immense pile de papiers à déchiqueter.

Quelle expérience à déchiqueter tous ces souvenirs d'un temps de transition pour moi! Avec chaque papier qui disparaissait dans la machine, je sentais un fardeau se soulever de mes épaules, comme si finalement je lâchais cette ancienne vie et j'assumais complètement la nouvelle. C'était vraiment la fin de la transition pour moi, même si ça faisait 18 mois que nous avions déménagés.

Nous sommes souvent tellement pris dans les évènements de transition dans nos vies, et nous passons tellement vite aux exigences du nouveau quotidien, que nous oublions de compléter les activités de transition, de fermer la porte sur cette aventure pour passer à autre chose. C'est surtout important de compléter la transition psychologique, pour pouvoir mettre tout son énergie dans sa nouvelle vie.

L'action de déchiqueter (ou tout acte tangible qui nous démontre la fin d'une transition) nous permet de fermer cette porte. En plus, nous profitons d'un environnement plus propre, moins encombré et prêt à nous servir dans nos prochains projets. La prochaine fois que vous complétez un projet de transition, faîtes le ménage dans vos papiers et prenez le temps de déchiqueter les informations confidentielles; vous verez comment ça fait du bien!

Inspiring Books

2009-08-04T08:57:00.000-04:00

Summertime often ends up being a time of reading for many people. Out of our routines, we take time to sit for a few hours and lose ourselves in a trashy novel, an educational piece that we've been interested in for a while, or something that inspires us to continue along our life path.

Reading is a critical element in my life. It wasn't always that way. When I was young, my sister Denise read constantly (ok, maybe that's an exageration, but it seemed like it). I wasn't all that interested in books and my reading skills at school were considered below average. Then during my university studies, reading was something you HAD to do to pass exams -- ugh! But then something happened in my thirties that I hope happens to all of you that say you don't really like reading: I found books that I was actually interested in! It's amazing how much easier it is to read when you are inspired by and enthralled with the topic!

This week, the book that has me captivated is "The Compassionate Samurai" by Brian Klemmer. What I especially like about this book is that it talks about being passionate and achieving a lot, but without having to follow the traditional behaviour of being an a**hole. You don't have to be aggressive to achieve. You can actually decide to be considerate, compassionate. You can keep your word, consider other people's feelings, take personal responsibility for the choices you have make in life.

For those of you who think this sounds interested, I highly recommend the book. For those of you who say "yeah, right, not for me", I suggest that you get out off your chair and head to your nearest bookstore or library. Look around, turn your brain off a bit and just let your eyes guide you. Trust that you will notice a book cover or a title that intrigues you. Listen to that intuition and pick up the book. Often I find that the books that have picked me are much more interesting than the ones I pick.

And for those of you far too modern to actually read a book and prefer electronic viewing, there is an extensive library of e-books available. Google "ebooks" and you will find many websites that offer several choices in whatever topic interests you.

Happy reading!

Perdre le rivage de vue

2009-07-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

Voici une citation qui parle beaucoup de ma vie en ce moment :

"On ne peut découvrir de nouvelles contrées sans consentir à perdre le rivage de vue pendant très longtemps." (André Gide)

Nous sommes tous des humains. Et étant humain, nous avons des hauts et des bas de courage. Il y a des moments dans nos vies où nous pouvons sauter dans l'inconnu, suivre un plan de renouveau, se ramasser sur un tout nouveau chemin. C'est ce que j'ai fait il y a trois ans quand je me suis lancée dans une nouvelle profession, ma vocation. Mais après avoir travaillé longtemps sans voir un résultat satisfaisant, je me dis "oui, mais ça prend du temps à arriver à la destination finale!" En fait, j'ai dit ceci à mon chum juste l'autre jour. Et puis, comme si l'Univers savait que j'avais besoin d'une réponse, il m'a présenté cette citation. Je ne me rappelle même pas où je l'ai vu, mais c'était comme si M. Gide me parlait, à moi.

C'est vrai, il faut tout lâcher et être prêt à le faire pour longtemps avant de pouvoir arriver au nouveau rivage. Christophe Colomb savait ça. Les astronautes qui vont à la station spatiale savent ça. Mais dans notre quotidien, nous oublions que c'est vrai pour nous aussi. Nous pensons que nous pouvons retenir quelques petites choses du passé même si nous affirmons que nous voulons un futur différent. Mais non, il faut tout lâcher! Il faut sauter dans l'eau sans savoir si nous allons pouvoir nager jusqu'au rivage. Il faut CROIRE que nous allons y arriver.

Et voilà la partie difficile. Il faut croire, surtout en nous-même. Il faut savoir au plus profond de nous que nous sommes capables d'y arriver. Nous allons trouver les chemins, les solutions, les outils. Comment faire pour avoir cette confiance? Il y a plusieurs méthodes, mais voici une qui est assez facile : dressez une liste de situations et de défis dont vous vous êtes sorti. Allez, ne vous gênez pas! Faîtes une longue liste, y compris les situations qui semblent banales maintenant (oui, à 6 ans, apprendre à rouler en vélo était un grand défi!). Et gardez cette liste près de vous. Consultez-la souvent, surtout quand vous passez à travers une épreuve. Voyez que vous savez comment vous en sortir, même quand ça ne paraît pas évident.

Et surtout il ne faut pas que nous nous décourageons! Même si nous ressentons que ça prend trop de temps, que c'est trop difficile, que nous n'arriverons pas, continuons. Allons chercher de l'encouragement d'un autre qui croit en nous. Prenons des petites pauses pour se reposer. Cherchons nos sources d'énergie (voir le prochain blogue). Et rappelons-nous des mots de M. Gide, ils sont écrits pour nous.

Does the other shoe have to exist?

2009-07-23T09:41:00.000-04:00

You know the saying "just wait until the other shoe drops"... something I heard a lot as a child (not really sure who used to say it, I just remember hearing it). To me, it always meant that even if something good was happening right now, the "other shoe", something not good, was inevitably going to happen to burst the bubble. Thinking this made me grow up to be someone who expects to be punished for good things happening.

But... what if the other shoe doesn't exist unless we create it in our minds? What if "thinking it makes it so"? Which means, logically, that not thinking it makes it not so. Why decide that I'm going to be punished for good things going on in life? Why not decide that more good things will happen? There is no statistical link between the likelihood of a good event and the likelihood of a good event (or a bad event) in the future. What happens while you read this blog has nothing to do with what is going to happen the next time the phone rings... unless you make it happen.

Worst case (if you don't believe that you can make things happen), you end up with equal odds of good and bad things happening. Best case, you create all kinds of good things in your life. And, you don't have to spend the day dreading the bad event, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can also decide that one bad event is not going to ruin a whole day. Because the same logic says that one bad event does not trigger a series of bad events, unless you make them happen in your mind. So, you stub your toe getting out of bed? Ok, doesn't mean that you shoe lace will break as you prepare to head out the door. You rip an important document while photocopying it (yeah, that happened to me this morning)? That's not going to ruin your business meeting unless you let it.

We don't have to let this "shoe dropping" belief control our lives. We can break the habit and decide to let positive expectation into our minds. It's all part of taking control and living the way we want rather than giving up control to something that doesn't even exist.

L'illusion dans les illusions

2009-07-21T10:03:00.001-04:00

On nous dit beaucoup ces jours que ceci ou cela est une illusion. Ça fait partie de la campagne pour nous changer tous en cyniques, pessimistes et non-croyants (en n'importe quoi). Voici quelques exemples:

le travail d'équipe est une illusion
les messages dans les annonces sont des illusions
le contenu nutritionnel dans la bouffe que nous mangeons est une illusion
les récompenses au travail (exemple, les voyages pour les meilleurs vendeurs) sont des illusions
etc

J'essayais de penser ce matin comment vivre avec ces illusions et ne pas devenir découragée. Je suis une personne qui préfère être authentique et ne pas jouer des jeux. Mais ces jeux existent, les illusions sont là et il faut une stratégie pour passer à travers. Et c'est une période de transition dans ma vie qui m'a rappellé de ce qu'il faut faire quand on est entouré d'illusions : se créer notre propre vérité à l'intérieur de nous mais qui se présente comme illusion aux autres. Si nous sachons notre vision, nos objectifs de vie, nous pouvons utiliser ceux-ci pour transformer les illusions dans des expériences qui nous avancent sur notre chemin. Voici un exemple : vous faîtes partie d'une équipe de travail mais vous voyez bien que les autres participants et surtout le chef ne sont là que pour avancer leur carrière. Au lieu d'être dégouté et de ne pas participer, cherchez comment utiliser l'équipe pour avancer vos projets et réaliser vos objectifs. Faîtes l'illusion de participer dans l'équipe (comme les autres) mais dirigez l'équipe vers les activités et résultats qui vont vous avancer dans vos plans.

Un mot de caution : faîtes bien certains que l'illusion est vraiment une illusion et non une situation véritable. Ne soyez pas celui ou celle qui crée l'illusion pour les autres. Soyez authentique quand c'est le temps, soyez illusioniste quand l'authenticité n'a plus sa place. Faîtes aussi attention de ne pas trop jouer, c'est épuisant et vous risquez de ne plus savoir la différence entre les situations authentiques et les illusions. À jouer avec soin!

A first-rate you

2009-07-20T09:13:00.000-04:00

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." (Judy Garland)

It is very challenging to be ourselves, especially when we are surrounded with so many messages of how to be someone else. I find this particularly difficult from a work perspective. I spent many years in a work environment that was very clear on what was desired behaviour. Work intensely, be proud and boast that you are just way too busy ("crazy busy" was our favorite expression), always have fifteen different things you are working on at the same time, show up for meetings just a little bit late (you certainly didn't want people to think that you were free to show up on time or, gasp!, early), work well past normal quitting hours ("yikes, he left at 5:45 last night, I'd better stay until 6:15"), and if you actually had the chance to work all night, well, everyone you worked with heard you complain the next day (because you CERTAINLY didn't take the next day off!).

I work very differently now, but I have a really hard time getting over the feeling that I SHOULD be working like everyone else. Since I work from home, my commute is exactly 20 seconds (from the kitchen to my office, if I walk slowly). So, do I get up at 6am, rush to take a shower and shove some breakfast down my throat to be at my computer at 6:15? Umm, no. I usually read something while I eat, to get me in the beat or inspire me on days when I spend a lot of time writing. I take lots of little breaks, especially when my cats wander into my office. Some days, I don't really take time for lunch...it seems to break my concentration. Other days, I take myself out for lunch because I do need to break my concentration to return with a fresh outlook on certain challenges. One habit I have kept from my formal office days: I tend to work late into the day before calling it quits. (this doesn't always work well when I am spread out on the kitchen table and my boyfriend wants to make dinner for his kids, but we're adapting).

As I write this, I think: hey, I've made some really positive changes. But I still feel guilty! I'm a small business owner, I should be working 18 hours a day. I should have a Blackberry or iPhone so I can check my messages constantly, wouldn't want to miss a business opportunity! I've been programmed so well on how to compete professionally, I'm having a hard time breaking the mental habit. But then I think, why did I make such a radical change in my professional life if it was not aimed at instilling some very different and individual work patterns? Am I not more productive working the way I work today? After all, I do my best thinking and writing early in the day and my best learning later in the day (I've known this since my university days). And taking small breaks to rescue my cat from his perch above the bookcase several times a day does help me stretch my back.

So rather than direct more discipline towards my work habits, I'm going to direct more discipline on my mental habit of needing to be the hardest worker. I'm going to try to simply be a first-rate me and leave the Blackberries and crazy work hours to people who work better that way.

Service à la clientèle

2009-07-16T12:14:00.000-04:00

Ah, une autre situation qui inspire mon blogue. Nous avons tous eu de bonnes et de mauvaises expériences de service à la clientèle. J'en ai eu deux mauvaises aujourd'hui (et c'est seulement 12h30!).

Une attitude de service est importante non seulement dans un rôle formel de service à la clientèle, mais dans toutes nos relations humaines. Il me semble que c'est tellement facile de faire de petites choses pour présenter une attitude de service. Voici ma liste des "Top 10" :

1) Souriez et soyez de bonne humeur -- même au téléphone, ça fait une différence; quand vous souriez, vous influencez l'humeur de l'autre et peut-être ce sera une expérience positive pour vous deux.

2) Soyez poli -- c'est facilement oublié, mais très important; on ne peut pas dire merci, SVP ou désolé assez souvent.

3) Essayez d'anticiper les attentes de l'autre -- vous rencontrez souvent les mêmes personnes dans les mêmes situations, pourquoi ne pas utiliser votre expérience pour être préparés.

4) Aidez -- vous êtes là pour aider vos clients, pour résoudre leurs problèmes; soyez dans l'esprit d'assistance.

5) Expliquez ce dont vous avez besoin pour aider l'autre -- il/elle ne peut pas lire vos pensées, alors communiquez.

6) Concentrez-vous sur la solution globale -- pas seulement la réponse à la question immédiate; vous résoudrez la situation plus vite et efficacement.

7) Confirmez ce que vous allez faire -- communiquez votre sens de responsabilité, l'autre sera plus rassuré qu'une solution se présentera.

8) Identifiez-vous -- soit au début (Bonjour, je suis Monique, comment puis-je vous aider?) ou à la fin (Mon nom est Monique, si vous avez des questions vous pouvez toujours me contacter).

9) Remerciez l'autre pour tout ce qu'il/elle fait -- par exemple, si vous laissez un message pour quelqu'un et il/elle vous rappelle la même journée, dîtes merci.

10) Comprenez que l'autre est une personne aussi -- il/elle est humain et peut faire des erreurs comme vous; pardonnez-le.

Bon, voilà. Espérons que ma petite liste fera le tour du monde et influencera tous ceux que nous rencontrons chaque jour.

Dragons

2009-07-14T09:00:00.001-04:00

Today's blog is inspired by Sarah Ban Breathnach (yes, she returns often because she has so many great things to say!). Here's one that is quite relevant to me right now:

"Always remember, it's simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons." (Simple Abundance, February 16)

I guess life just wouldn't be all that fun if we didn't have any dragons to slay along the way. Without dragons, we get caught in our familiar ruts, doing the same things every day but somehow lacking that spark that makes us want to get up in the morning. Without dragons, life is just too easy.

Now, I know many of you are wishing life would just get a bit easier...maybe you have some difficult work challenges right now, or your family situation is trying, or you are dealing with an illness, or your car caught on fire last night. (no, don't laugh, this actually happened to my Mother a few years ago, fortunately she was in a store when it happened!).

But think about it...what would we talk about if we didn't have dragons along the way to make our lives a bit more interesting? What sense of accomplishment would we walk away with if everything was simple? How would we build our self-esteem if we didn't struggle and win? And how would we be able to enjoy our vacations, time off, moments of peace if we didn't have a bit of chaos to compare them to?

It's also a way to deal with the challenges that we face with a different attitude. Maybe we shouldn't dread the challenges and broach them with trepidation. Maybe we should race into the battle (with our battle gear, of course) as if we were knights in shining armour ready to fight for our princess (or prince). Perhaps it's a good reason to be in top shape physically and mentally: we need to be at our prime to take on all the dragons.

I'm going to write out a list of all the dragons that could possibly blow fire in my direction today, maybe even imagine what each one looks like. If nothing else, it'll add a bit of humour to my day!

Have a good one!

Laisser passer la lumière

2009-07-13T13:05:00.000-04:00

Nous avons décidé de faire tailler notre haie de cèdres qui a été négligée depuis au moins 10 ans. Par hasard (c'est bon, le hasard!), un homme à tout faire a passé vendredi et nous a offert un bon prix pour le faire. Comme il avait du temps cette semaine, il est venu ce matin pour commencer ce gros projet.

Comme je fais souvent ces jours-ci, j'ai pensé à la leçon que ceci peut m'apprendre dans la vie. L'homme expliquait qu'il faut tailler le haut d'une haie, sinon la lumière ne peut pas passer à l'intérieur des plantes et elles mourront éventuellement. Ah oui, voici la leçon! Souvent nous pensons que la quantité est ce qui a de plus important dans la vie. La quantité d'information, la quantité de cartes de crédit dans notre porte-feuille, la quantité de cossins dans nos maisons, la quantité de plantes dans notre jardin... Mais peut-être il faut faire le ménage de temps en temps pour laisser passer la "lumière", que ce soit en forme de clarté de pensée, en forme de concentration d'efforts, en forme d'espace blanche sur une feuille ou dans une pièce.

Je crois que cette leçon s'applique surtout pour moi du côté informations et idées. Si j'arrive à accumuler trop d'information sur un sujet sur lequel je veux écrire, je me trouve étouffée et je ne sais pas où commencer. Mais si je trie les informations et je prends les plus importantes, je peux commencer à écrire et ensuite incorporer les autres informations après que j'ai la structure établie.

Aujourd'hui, pensons à laisser passer un peu de lumière sur nos projets. Ça sera comme si le soleil avait sorti tout simplement pour nous laisser mieux voir!

Dare something worthy

2009-07-09T09:32:00.000-04:00

This is the English translation of the latin closing that Joe Vitale uses when he sends an email (I'm on a distribution list for some of his products). I'm not always comfortable with the content of his emails (very American hard sell), but I do find this phrase quite inspiring.

I'm attending a Sales Course this summer. I think we can all use a brush-up on our sales techniques and remind ourselves how best to serve our customers and clients. Last Tuesday the professor spoke about prospecting and reminded us that we don't have to be afraid of speaking to potential customers because we have nothing to lose: in the worst case, they don't become customers which leaves us exactly where we started (except for the experience we gained in speaking to them).

So, today's motto is "Dare something worthy" because we have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Why not take advantage of all the potentialities presented in front of us? Have you looked at the network you are building personally or electronically and acted on the opportunities that it presents to you? Have you started to resolve a difficult challenge even though it's seems impossible? Have you stepped out of your comfort zone to feel the exhilaration of doing something really scary? Here's a great example: a few years ago, a friend of mine became inspired by one of Tony Robbins' books and conquered his fear of flying by becoming a pilot. Imagine daring to take that first step and learning to love something you dreaded!

Let's get our adrenaline pumping for the right reasons today and take on the world -- after all, hasn't it been waiting for us?

C'est naturel d'être bien

2009-07-07T08:51:00.000-04:00

Mon travail dans le bien-être comprend les domaines de la gestion, de la psychologie, du coaching et de la santé. Ceux qui me connaissent savent que depuis 2005 je prends des vitamines et antioxidants régulièrement, ce qui me permet d'être bien même si j'ai des défis physiques. Mais, comme tout être humain, j'ai des moments de manque de discipline et la semaine passée, j'ai oublié de prendre mes vitamines 3 jours de suite. Après d'avoir repris ma routine, j'ai remarqué comment nous pouvons oublier ce que c'est d'être bien quand nous ne le sommes pas.

Nous avons le droit d'être bien. Ce n'est pas naturel d'être "pas bien", il ne faut pas accepter autre chose que le bien-être total. Et ceci dans tous les aspects de nos vies. Nous avons tellement à accomplir dans la vie! Nous ne devons pas arrêter notre progrès parce que nous avons mal au dos, ou que nous avons une peur, ou que nous ne sommes pas organisés, ou que nous n'avons pas pris le temps d'établir une vision et un plan tactique. Je le répète : nous avons le droit d'être bien.

Ayons le courage d'insister à être bien. Vous avez un problème physique et votre docteur ignore comment le résoudre? Faîtes vos propres recherches et partagez-les avec votre médecin, insistez qu'il ou elle trouve une réponse! Vous ressentez un défi psychologique? Cherchez de l'aide, trouvez un professionnel qui peut vous remettre sur le bon chemin! Vous manquez de temps pour réaliser tous vos rêves? Abandonnez vos soirées en avant de la télé et donnez-vous le défi d'accomplir une activité par jour qui vous avance vers la réalisation de votre vie idéale! Vous avez des difficultés en affaires? Il y a beaucoup de conseillers et de livres/blogs/sites web à consulter -- allez-y!

Ne vous sentez surtout pas coupable de n'avoir pas fait ceci auparavant! Peut-être c'est qu'on ne vous a jamais dit que vous aviez le droit d'être bien...

Taking the high road

2009-07-06T12:13:00.000-04:00

Normally I alternate between French and English posts. But I couldn't find a good translation for the title of this blog, so I figured I'd write it in English.

Taking the high road: typically means that you should not let the behaviour of someone else negatively affect your behaviour; don't get dragged into a fight or petty behaviour, act according to your values.

I had a chance to do this last week, and I'm proud to say that I passed the test. It's not an easy thing to do, and I have to admit that I've probably passed up quite a few opportunities in the past to take the high road...but at least this time I acted according to my conscience. Some people will say that I'm a sucker, others that this shows weakness. I'm actually quite proud of myself.

So, you're probably saying to yourself: what is she talking about? What is she so proud of? Well, a few months ago I had some business dealings with an individual that left me feeling like he was, well, taking advantage of me. Not unusual in today's business environment, but I was left with a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I was under the impression that we were going to do business together and I am now quite convinced that he was under a totally different impression, even though he stated otherwise (I'm still not sure what he thought, but I don't put any energy towards thinking about it anymore).

Last week I was reading a book that had some information that I knew this person was looking for. He had specifically asked me if I had this information. I didn't at the time, but tucked the request away in case I came across something useful. And I finally did find the information last week. It took a few minutes to dawn on me that what I was reading would be really useful for this person.

So, what did I do? Did I tell myself in a self-satisfying way "ha, you see, if you had continued to work with me, you would have this info now!"? Or maybe send him an email saying "I've found the info you are looking for, why don't you pay me to summarize it for you"? Nope, I simply sent him an email with the title of the book, the author's name and other information that he could use to find the book.

What's so "high road" about this? Well, he needed info and I provided it. No expectations of a response, or a renewed interest in doing business, just an answer to a question. I know that someday this act will be rewarded. I do believe in the saying "What goes around, comes around." So today, if you happen to be in a situation where you could get dragged into behaviour that doesn't align with your values, remember to take the high road...you won't regret it!

Have a great week!

The end of an era

2009-07-02T13:16:00.000-04:00

It occurred to me while pondering the deaths of so many media stars over the last week or so. Think about it: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and a few others. Even Karl Malden (remember him in the American Express commercials?). It's the end of an era, the shoulder-pad era. Ok, I'm being a bit facetious (yes, I have to admit, I HAVE worn major shoulder pads), but I do have a point to make.

I sense that we've been moving towards a new way of being and it makes me pretty nervous. In the 80s and even in the 90s, people spent quite a bit of energy trying to be cheerful. Music was pretty upbeat (yes, there is a something redeeming about disco!), models smiled, clothes were colourful, sidekicks on TV laughed. It was all pretty superficial, but at least people made an effort to pick themselves up at some point in their day. To look for something positive, happy, cheerful.

I'm afraid that today we're on a whole different track. Recession, swine flu, recalled meat... Look at the TV we watch (for those who still watch TV): it's SO depressing! People getting voted off or fired, or couples with way too many children spend an hour screaming at them, or animated shows putting forward idiots as heroes (ok, maybe that one isn't so new!). News stations only talk about bad things. Here's a thought: both Canada and the U.S. have had elections in the past year, which means that a large portion of these populations CHOSE their leader (which we forget is a privilege compared to other parts of the world). And all we talk about is how they are failing! (Don't get me wrong, I don't always agree with everything that the leader of my country does, but I do respect the democratic process and have decided that if I want things done differently I have to get involved.)

But my point goes further than this. We assume things will go wrong: we don't trust that people will meet us at an appointed time and place, so we text them when we get there in case; we ignore most of the emails we receive because we assume that they are spam; we don't answer the phone, it must be a telemarketer; we let our love ones know we care by updating our Twitter or Facebook or by sending canned email messages that threaten their happiness if they don't forward them to 15 other people in the next 2.5 minutes. It's all very sad.

However, I've decided to change this. I'm going to make sure that I do at least one happy thing every day. I'm going to look at pictures of puppies on the Internet, or I'm going to talk to someone and smile at them (yes, in person!), or I'm going to dance in the middle of my living room to great music (sorry, it'll probably be from the 80s). And I want you to commit to doing the same thing. After all, one happy thing a day isn't so hard, is it? Think of what might happen if everyone did this -- we might create a new era of happiness...a real one this time!

Et si tout ceci était normal

2009-06-30T13:14:00.000-04:00

Je travaille beaucoup ces jours-ci sur les alternatives à la gestion continuelle de crise... on dirait que tout devient une crise et on réagit comme s'il fallait paniquer. Pour ceux d'entre vous qui suivent le progrès de mon livre "Drown or Surf: Riding Life's Tidal Waves" ("Surfer les tsunamis de la vie" en français), vous savez le cycle dont je parle.

Je cherche des trucs et des idées pour aider les gens à éviter cette réaction instantanée. Voici une petite idée, une phrase que nous pouvons nous dire immédiatement quand nous ressentons la réaction de panique jaillir en nous : "... et si tout ceci était normal?". Cette pensée déclenche une réaction complètement différente de la panique. Nous pensons aux situations que nous avons vécues qui sont semblables, nous nous rappelons des solutions que nous avons trouvées pour ces situations, nous sommes calmes, nous sommes en mode "actions planifiées" plutôt qu' "activitiés poule-pas-de-tête". Notre réaction physique est différente aussi... nos palpitations diminuent, notre respiration retourne à la normale, nous pouvons réfléchir et prendre des décisions rationnelles.

Voici un exemple : la banque m'appelle pour fixer une rencontre. Réaction de panique : il a dû se passer quelque chose dans mes comptes, je n'ai plus d'argent, ils veulent renégocier mon hypothèque à un taux moins favorable, les compagnies de cartes de crédit veulent saisir tous mes biens...augh!!!!! Mais si je me dis "... et si tout ceci était normal?", je peux chercher à comprendre comment les rencontres avec les clients font partie d'une journée NORMALE de la gérante de la banque... peut-être elle veut essayer de me vendre leurs services de conseils en placement; ou bien je constate que c'est la mi-février et elle veut que je contribue à des REERs; ou tout simplement qu'elle a un quota de clients à voir chaque mois et c'est mon nom sur le dessus de sa liste. Parce que tout cela est normal.

Il ne faut jamais oublier que les situations normales sont beaucoup plus communs que les crises. Alors la prochaine fois que vous vous trouvez dans une situation de panique, arrêtez pour un moment et demandez-vous "... et si tout ceci était normal?".

Authenticity

2009-06-29T10:10:00.000-04:00

Here it is, the Secret, the world's Most Powerful Sales Tool, your Key to Success, the Answer to all your Dreams.... (sorry, I love sarcastically mimicking those headlines that are supposed to catch our attention and get us to buy whatever the latest slick salesman is trying to sell us).

But honestly, I learned a big lesson over the weekend. The most important, and seemingly rare, tool that you can use to achieve what you want is authenticity. Be real, follow the facts (instead of choosing the facts that suit you), be honest, be you. One of the few benefits of this over-informed society is that we have become extremely sensitive to "BS", we can smell it a mile away. You want a quick way to turn people off of your product or service, or become disinterested in whatever you are trying to get them interested in? Pretend that your purpose has absolutely nothing to do with what your true intention is. Keep your intention vague, use words like "opportunity", pretend that your values are aligned with the other's values. But be careful, because once the other person figures you out, which will happen in approximately 0.5 seconds after you start saying what you really want to say, you have lost more than just a sale or a potention partner. You have lost this person's respect and any opportunity to form a relationship with them.

What is scary, however, is that people have become accustomed to operating this way. It is so much easier to be slick, to hide behind a facade, to skip over contradictory details. After all, people aren't that smart, are they? And sadly, the rest of us have become used to being treated that way. So, how can we use this to our advantage? Be different! Be authentic. Be up front about our purpose and intentions. If the other person isn't interested, fine, it gives us more time to find someone who is interested. And if they do show interest, even better, because we can get to the heart of the matter without having to sidestep the awkwardness associated with the initial deception.

So here I am, trying to be authentic this morning. I hope you enjoy my blog, because I want you to want more; I want you to get something positive out of this so that you tell others about my blog and maybe they'll read it; and once I publish my next book, maybe you'll be curious enough to buy it and enjoy it enough to recommend it to others. And if not, I hope that you get enough out of this blog to make the world a better place.

Thanks for reading me!

Courriel débordé

2009-06-25T11:12:00.000-04:00

J'ai 434 courriels dans le fichier que j'ai appelé "À lire"; ce sont des courriels que je reçois qui sont soit des info-lettres, soit des infos sur un nouveau livre à lire, une nouvelle technique que quelqu'un de mon réseau m'envoie, ou bien des annonces de produits ou services que je n'ai pas immédiatement mises à la poubelle.

434 courriels d'au moins 3 à 4 paragraphes à lire! Et ça n'inclue même pas les courriels que je dois adresser tout de suite. Je me suis dis l'autre jour : si j'ai tellement de courriel à lire, ça doit être la même chose pour beaucoup d'entre vous à qui je m'adresse. Mais comment se faire écouter dans une telle averse d'information? Et surtout comment conseiller les gens qui cherchent une façon de sortir d'une situation apparemment impossible? Faut-il attendre que l'ordinateur saute pour dire "bon, alors, je n'ai pas eu la chance de lire tout ça mais au moins mon courriel n'est plus plein!" ?

Je pense que nous devons activement gérer notre courriel comme tout autre partie de notre vie débordée. Nous devons choisir avec soin les courriels que nous gardons pour lire "plus tard" selon nos objectifs immédiats. Et tout le reste doit être effacer immédiatement. N'oubliez-pas que la plupart des informations qui nous sont envoyées peuvent être trouvées plus tard si nous en avons vraiment besoin -- l'Internet nous donne cette capacité magique!

Première étape: savoir quels sont vos objectifs immédiats (écrivez-les même sur un papier que vous garderez près de l'ordinateur). Ensuite, chaque fois que vous recevez un courriel maintenant, vérifiez si le titre est associé à un de vos objectifs actuels; sinon, DELETE. Et puis mettez du temps dans votre agenda pour lire ceux qui sont importants.

Je viens juste de trier mes 434 courriels : ma liste compe maintenant 105 courriels à lire... pas pire!

Bonne fin de la semaine!

Dear Earthly Powers

2009-06-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

Dear Earthly Powers: would it be possible to move the summer solstice to July 21st instead of June?

I was having breakfast with my friend Michel this morning and we got on to the subject of the longest day of the year. Now, this may not be true for other parts of the world, but we decided that it was a shame that the longest day of the year is so EARLY in the year. After all, we haven't had a chance to enjoy the long days yet, and they are already getting shorter! Wouldn't it make more sense to have it in the middle of what we consider summer, say July 21st instead?

It's a good reminder that we need to stop often to consider the good things happening in our lives right now, enjoy them, and take advantage of the benefits that these good things bring to us so that they don't pass us by too quickly. Sure, maybe it's tough to stay out a bit later these days because we still have to get up early in the morning, but just remember how it feels to eat both breakfast and supper in the dark during the month of December. We need to enjoy the daylight and the warmth and well, as the saying goes, we'll sleep when we're dead.

Another thought to push us to enjoy what we have: since having made recent contact with some people in Australia, it hit me that it is winter for them. So they have really short days right now. We need to enjoy our long days so that our energy can be transmitted out to them to keep them going until things get a bit brighter. The same goes for other benefits that we enjoy...we need to build up energy so that we can share with others who may not have quite enough today.

All this having been said, I'm leaving you now to enjoy my lunch outside. It might be a bit cloudy, but there is a nice breeze and the birds are chirping (might as well enjoy them since they woke me up at 4:30 this morning!). Before you go back to what you were doing, though, think of one benefit you have received today that might not be there tomorrow. And enjoy it!

Être bien dans sa peau

2009-06-18T10:27:00.000-04:00

J'ai complété récemment la lecture d'un livre extraordinaire. C'est "Être bien dans sa peau" du Dr. David D. Burns ("Feeling Good" est l'original en anglais). Merci à Serge de me le passer. J'écrirai plusieurs blogs sur ce que j'ai appris, ceci étant le premier.

Le sujet d'aujourd'hui c'est que notre valeur n'est pas égale à nos réalisations. Selon le livre, croire que notre valeur vient de ce qu'on a réalisé est "une attitude défaitiste, grossièrement inexacte et malfaisante". Quand on y pense, le Dr. Burns a raison. Si on pense que nos réalisations sont la seul source de valeur, ça voudrait dire que quelqu'un qui n'a pas réalisé quelque chose récemment ne mérite pas notre respect et admiration! Ce n'est certainement pas vrai...prenons le Dalaï Lama comme exemple: non, il n'est pas capable de réaliser l'indépendence de son peuple en ce moment, mais est-ce que ça veut dire qu'il ne mérite pas notre respect pour ses efforts et sa philosophie?

Pensons à l'argument opposé maintenant. Ceci voudrait dire qu'un personne qui réalise quelque chose mérite automatiquement notre respect et admiration. Et Adolf Hitler? Il a réalisé beaucoup, cependant je ne suis pas certaine qu'il a l'admiration de beaucoup de personnes.

Bon, alors si notre valeur ne vient pas de nos réalisations, est-ce que ça veut dire qu'il ne faut pas d'objectifs et de buts? Non, mais ces objectifs et buts pourraient devenir des outils à arriver au bien-être au lieu d'être des fouets avec lesquels on se frappe quand on n'arrive pas à réussir. On peut souhaiter à réaliser des buts qui nous rendent heureux, nous apportent des nouvelles connaissances, nous donnent du plaisir, nous aident à développer des nouvelles aptitudes.

C'est à considérer......

Loser Spam

2009-06-17T08:31:00.000-04:00

No, this is not a rant! Actually it's more of an awakening to a very subliminal message that I've noticed. We all get spam...some email service providers do a pretty good job of filtering, but no matter how hard they try, some spammer manages to get through. Mostly I ignore spam although every once in a while I notice with a smile that someone has come up with a brand new way to promote pharmaceutical products that probably do nothing to enlarge whatever part of your body you want to enlarge.

What is more interesting, however, is the overall common message that spam emails send us: We're not good enough! This part of our body isn't big enough, that one is too big, we're not successful enough in business, we don't take enough advantage of ways to make free money on the internet (yah, that's a new one), we certainly don't drink enough berry juice to be ultimately healthy. In fact, we're losers! And we need to purchase their products to be winners!

I think we need to be more aware that we are being bombarded with this message day-in and day-out. This constant negative attitude needs to be countered with a positive one. We need to tell ourselves, just as loudly as the message we've received in our Inbox, that that part of our body is just fine, that other one may need some work but perhaps it's not a priority right now, we're not interested in ways to make easy money because we are committing all our energy to making money through the achievement of our life purpose. And while I'm sure the antioxydants in that berry juice are good for me, I took my vitamins this morning so I'm covered.

Today's message is clear: repeat to yourself everytime a loser email shows up in your Inbox: I'm not a loser and you can't convince me that I am. Leave me alone, I'm doing something important here!

Célébration

2009-06-16T08:14:00.000-04:00

Souvent on approche nos activités quotidiennes avec un peu trop de timidité. J'ai un appel à faire à un client potentiel, j'envoie une demande par internet, je rencontre une amie pour lui demander une faveur, je dois conclure une négotiation pour l'achat d'un meuble dispendieux. Et je ne suis pas certaine du résultat -- peut-être ça ira bien, peut-être moins bien. Cette hésitation peut affecter notre confiance durant l'activité et risque de causer un résultat négatif.

Voici une idée qui peut vous aider à mettre plus de positivité dans vos activités. Quand vous fixez une activité dans votre horaire qui pourrait produire un résultat positif, inscrivez "Célébration!" dans les 30 minutes qui suivent la fin de l'activité. Vous mettez dans votre esprit l'idée que le résultat sera positif et vous vous préparez pour célébrer ce résultat suite à la conclusion de l'activité. Cette confiance se projette dans votre comportement et influence le résultat d'une manière positive. (Et même si vous trouvez ça difficile d'être confiant, au moins vous vous senterez un peu géné de ne pas produire un bon résultat).

Puisque la chance d'avoir un résultat positif dans la plupart de nos activités est au moins 50%, pourquoi ne pas croire à la réussite et préparer à la célébrer?

Bonne chance aujourd'hui, je suis certaine que toutes vos activités produiront un résultat positif!

Mmm...banana bread

2009-06-11T08:45:00.000-04:00

I've been re-reading "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It gets you thinking about the things that give you comfort, give you joy, help you be more YOU. Interestingly, these thoughts coincided with the nagging realization that I had, once again, three old bananas that were way past ripe (when there is more black than yellow, you know you have a problem!).

My chef (ok, if I was really rich, he'd be my chef, but since I'm not, we just buy great meals from him and he gives me cooking lessons) reminded me that I should make banana bread. A few dirty spoons and pans later, the fabulous smell of warm banana bread wafted through the house. Mmm!

Needless to say, it was a hit with everyone! Banana bread is simply one of those things that says comfort. Like a great spaghetti sauce made just the way you like it, or soft candle light, a warm bath, flannel sheets (this is a new one for me, you have to try it!), old movies or a favorite book.

Make yourself a list of the things that bring you comfort and indulge yourself with one of them this weekend. You deserve it and you'll be much more energized on Monday morning! And share with the rest of us what you did...maybe it'll give someone a good idea for next weekend!

(p.s. if you are looking for flannel sheets, the best are sold by www.drapsante.com -- check it out!)

You CAN do it all!

2009-06-09T10:40:00.000-04:00

A lot of my recent writing has focused on getting off the crisis addiction; this may be interpreted by some as telling them to slow down, to decide to do less, to aim just a bit lower in order to have less going on and be less stressed. NOT TRUE!

In fact, if we have the right tools and methods, we should be able to do MORE...more of what we want and more of what we have decided is important. It is really important to keep your ambitions and dreams larger than life. When you are at the stage of imagining the truly magnificent life you want to achieve, you must think big! As Joe Vitale, one of the Secret gurus, says (although he says it in Latin, I guess that makes it sound better): "dare something worthy".

Then comes the rational thinking about how to make these dreams happen. Not if, not maybe, but how. What tools are required, what help is needed, what praying (or whatever form you use to request the help of supernatural forces) is necessary, what learning is useful, what advice is worth seeking, what prioritization is helpful to make it all happen in the right order. These are the elements that allow us to do it all, even though "it" seems rather daunting and unrealistic.

So, next time you think "I can't possibly do all of this", replace that thought with a new one: "what elements do I need to put in place in order to do all of this, because I want it all".

Good luck and keep dreaming!

L'espoir

2009-06-08T12:34:00.000-04:00

L'espoir...ceux qui l'ont trouvent toute l'énergie nécessaire pour réaliser leurs objectifs, ceux qui ne l'ont pas font autant d'efforts mais n'arrivent pas. Mais comment fait-on pour trouver de l'espoir quand on ne le sent pas vraiment au fond de nous?

C'est une grande question. Pas facile à répondre. Mais un appel d'une amie/collègue ce matin m'a donné une idée.

On trouve notre propre espoir en cherchant à en donner aux autres.

Quand quelqu'un nous donne des mauvaises nouvelles, ou est dans un trou qui semble être trop profond pour en sortir, ou qui a un grand rêve mais ne semble pas pouvoir vraiment y croire...nous trouvons une manière pour l'encourager, pour lui donner un peu d'espoir. "Ne t'inquiètes-pas, tout va s'arranger pour le mieux...nous trouverons une solution ensemble...tu es capable, j'en suis certaine."

Mais en disant ces mots, on arrive à comprendre que c'est vrai pour nous aussi, on est capable, tout va s'arranger, une solution peut se trouver si on travaille ensemble. Et l'espoir jaillit en nous. Peut-être juste un peu, mais assez pour continuer à actionner nos plans, à continuer sur le chemin de nos rêves.

Alors, aujourd'hui je vous dis (et surtout à toi, Annie) : tout va s'arranger, je sais que tu es capable, ton rêve mérite à être réaliser et il va se le faire! Et le mien aussi. Parce que nous devons réaliser notre rêve... la planète a besoin de nous!

Bon lundi!

Laisser faire le laisser faire

2009-06-04T13:27:00.000-04:00

Hier, j'ai écrit sur le lâcher prise, la capacité de comprendre quand c'est le temps de se soumettre à la vie qui nous est présentée. Aujourd'hui, je veux discuter du corportement opposé, celui de ne pas mettre assez d'énergie sur les choses qui méritent des efforts importants.

Je pense que nous "laissons faire" dans des situations qui sont trop importantes pour cette attitude. On dirait que l'importance de bien faire les choses a tombé avec bien d'autres valeurs dans notre société. Voici une situation qui m'a fait questionner cette attitude.

Je suis en train d'éditer et de mettre en format final un livre que j'ai publié personnellement en 2007 et que je veux republier par l'entremise d'une entreprise de publication sur le Web (www.lulu.com, pour ceux qui sont intéressés). C'est exactement une situation où je dois faire certain que tout est parfait. Ce n'est pas le temps de dire "bon, c'est assez bien, je vais tourner à autre chose". En fait, il y a une satisfaction particulière à savoir que le résultat final va être le meilleur possible. Je pourrais dire, à la fin de toutes mes révisions, voici un résultat qui me plait à 100%, je n'aurais pas besoin d'accepter moins qu'un effort exceptionnel.

C'est peut-être un exemple évident, mais ça me fait penser aux autres situations où nous devrons insister à mettre tous nos efforts pour réaliser un résultat exceptionnel : nos relations personnelles, la réalisation de nos rêves, le mentorat des enfants, notre bien-être. Et c'est aussi un exercice que nous pouvons utiliser pour augmenter notre confiance et fierté. Par exemple, décidez de créer un souper extraordinaire ce soir; vous verez comment vous serez fier du résultat et comment ça peut affecter votre confiance en soi.

La devise de la journée : exiger l'exceptionnel!

Surrender

2009-06-03T08:44:00.000-04:00

I went to Québec City yesterday -- it's about a 3-hour drive each way if you include a small break in the middle to stretch your legs. Have you ever noticed that if you try to go just a bit faster than most people on the highway, you end up having to weave in and out of traffic and the trip is so much more difficult, even if it ends up a bit shorter. However, if you accept to travel at the speed that most cars are doing, you spend most of the trip in the right-hand lane, pretty relaxed except for the odd time that you need to pass a particularly slow truck.

It reminded me that I wanted to write a blog on the word "surrender". Not a word that comes easily for me. The first time someone pointed that out was back in 2000 during a trip to Vancouver. I had met someone whose career path was considerably different from mine: in the summer he drove a tour bus and in the winter he picked up odd jobs to pay the bills. He was the first to point out that sometimes you just had to surrender to life and the path it wants to take.

It's an important lesson and one that I frequently forget. But when I do remember to surrender to the situations that are occuring in my life, to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot, things just seem to become easier. Especially when the things I cannot change are part of choices I have made. For example, we bought an older home last year and I love having a big yard with lots of trees, shrubs and flowers. Unfortunately so do the spiders that also enjoy the warmth of our house when the temperature falls overnight. Should I spend all my energy trying to eradicate spiders from my house? Or could I simply accept that we're going to have spiders and put my energy towards something useful?

So, I am going to surrender to the spiders. Other than being "yucky", what harm do they really do? And I am going to use them as a signal: every time I see a spider, I'm going to remind myself to surrender to the things that I can't or won't change.

Have a great day!

Le pouvoir de la musique

2009-06-01T09:53:00.001-04:00

(Merci à Paul pour l'inspiration et le URL!)

Je vous conseil fortement d'aller voir le vidéo suivant à YouTube :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g1wDQKqpPQ

Mon blog aujourd'hui traite du pouvoir de la musique. Avez-vous considéré comment la musique peut transformer un environnement, un évènement ou tout simplement notre humeur? C'est incroyable! Voici un petit test que vous pouvez faire chez vous qui dura que 30 minutes : prenez un papier ou un cahier et notez vos pensées immédiates; ensuite mettez de la musique tranquille mais qui réveille vos émotions pour 10 minutes et continuez à notez vos pensées; ont-elles changé? avez-vous commencé à penser à autre chose? Ensuite mettez de la musique plein d'entrain, quelque chose que vous donne l'envie de bouger. Notez vos pensées; commencez-vous à penser à vos projets, les choses à faire, à une sortie, à appeler un ami? Ensuite, pour un dernier 5 minutes, mettez de la musique très relaxante, peut-être du blues, un jazz tranquille, de la musique new age (vous savez de quoi je parle, avec des bruits d'oiseaux et d'eau, un peu de flute à bec, etc). Identifiez encore comment vos pensées ont changé.

Ce petit exercice peut vous aider à identifier un nouvel outil quand vous avez besoin de motivation pour une activité quelconque. Quelle sorte de musique vous aide à sortir de votre coquille, d'entrer dans le monde réel? Quelle sorte de musique vous aide à vous concentrer quand vous avez un travail qui demande beaucoup de réflexion? Quelle sorte de musique vous encouragera de faire le ménage? (est-ce que ça existe????). Cet un outil souvent oublié mais très utile.

Et finalement, si vous voulez absolument réveiller le monde, engagez-vous une troupe de danse, organisez-vous avec une gare de train et voyez comment vous pouvez aller chercher le monde -- intéressant, non?

Bonne semaine!

Monique

It's all about drama

2009-05-28T10:46:00.001-04:00

I was going to write about something else today, but I saw an item on Yahoo that I just had to comment about. In keeping with the spirit of this blog, I will work hard to keep my comments positive, in fact it's a good test for me since I'm pretty incensed about this news article.

So, here's the story: http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=13678779

The headline reads: "Man pushes suicide jumper" with the sideline adding "Angry commuter, stuck in traffic, shoves jumper off bridge". First reaction: "that's awful!". But then I listened to the story. Yes, the angry commuter did push the jumper off the bridge, but he landed on a partially inflated rescue mat. Certainly doesn't excuse the commuter's behaviour. Perhaps he should have been more sympathetic to the man's cause -- obviously the jumper was terribly troubled by his financial problems.

But, again, that's not my point. My point is that we let ourselves be manipulated by our news media. The headline could have said "Man pushes would-be suicide jumper to safety". But that doesn't grab as many headlines, does it? This is a good lesson in being very aware of the information we receive and how we react to it. We are in control of what we think, how we react, what we accept as truth. Especially today as we are bombarded with information, we need to be extra vigilant. So, next time you see a headline screaming drama, take a minute to find out the reality before reacting...it might save a few blood pressure points!

Have a great, non-drama-filled day!

Monique

Expect the Best

2009-05-27T09:03:00.000-04:00

I'm re-reading Sarah Ban Breathnach's "Simple Abundance". I read it first in 1999 and so many of the things she wrote resonated for me. It's been a while since I've re-read it, so I figured now would be a good time.

One idea seemed particularly interesting to me last night. It's an exercise where you "Expect the Best". Here's the way I did it: I wrote down 5 or 6 things that were going to be happening to me in the next few days. Then I wrote down the best way they could turn out, the best outcome I could imagine. Most of us have a hard time actually writing down that something great is going to happen to us; for example, I started writing about the response to an offer I was providing to some colleagues, saying 3 or 4 of them would respond positively, but actually the BEST thing that could happen is that they all respond and tell other people who want to get in on the offer too! Then I let myself daydream about these best outcomes...what it would feel like, how I would respond, what actions I would be taking, etc.

It's quite scary, but if you believe even just some of the things "they" say about the Law of Attraction, great things can happen. For example, I just got off the phone with a supplier who offered to renew my service subscription for free because I was unable to take advantage of the service for the last 2 years -- imagine that! (actually I did last night!).

So, today, expect the best. We spend a lot of mental energy expecting the worst (bad traffic, boss is in a bad mood, customer won't answer the phone, kids will be difficult, etc); why not redirect that energy towards best possible outcomes...after all, it's all in our head anyways, right?

Have a happy hump day!

Middle of the night musings

2009-05-25T09:40:00.000-04:00

I haven't really slept well for about 10 years. Some nights I sleep right through to 5:30am, but mostly I spend about an hour between 3:30 and 4:30am staring at the clock, wondering when I'm going to fall asleep again. Not too sure why I don't sleep, it's probably a combination of things.

But that's not what this blog is about...this blog is about the USEFUL part of not sleeping in the middle of the night. For those of you who have insomnia, you'll be saying to yourselves "right, as if there is a useful part!". But actually, I figured it out last night (ok actually this morning at 4:36): when you finally start falling asleep again, your brain flits between consciousness and unconsciousness. And that's when powerful thoughts, a-ha moments as some people call them, occur. It's as if the spirit world is trying to reach out to the real world and get a message across.

So what was this morning's message? Michealangelo. Yup, Michealangelo. Sculptor of the famous David in Florence, painter of the Sistine Chapel ceiling, lover of marble. If you read The Agony and the Ecstacy, you'll find out that he believed that a slab of marble already had a scupture in it...it was just up to the artist to chip away the unnecessary pieces to discover the art inside. Michealangelo struggled his entire life to make ends meet. Typical artist story: can't make money doing what he really wants, doesn't really want to do what will pay the bills. So he compromised most of his life but still managed to create some of the world's most beautiful art.

How is this an a-ha moment? Perhaps it is a message to keep on going, do what we love to do and maybe in a few hundred years, our creations will be seen for the art that they are. Maybe it is telling us that no matter what form our creation takes on, it is still beautiful and worth doing. Maybe it is linked to a message I read yesterday: "God never said that life would be easy. He just promised that it would be worth it." (translated from the original message -- thanks, Chantal!)

So, in honour of Michealangelo, today I keep moving forward, knowing that what I am doing is worth it, no matter how hard the struggle, knowing that the art is already there, I just have to chip away at the unimportant stuff to reach it.

Have a great week!

Monique

Zen et l'art de nettoyer une piscine

2009-05-22T14:31:00.000-04:00

Je suis extrêmement chanceuse d'avoir acheter une maison l'année passée qui a une piscine extérieure. Même si nous sommes encore en train d'apprendre à l'entretenir, j'ai découvert un avantage tout à fait inattendu...comment c'est paisible de passer le filet pour nettoyer la surface de l'eau! Puisque notre piscine est entourée de cèdres, nous devons la nettoyer chaque soir. C'est tellement agréable que c'est une compétition pour voir qui va passer le filet!

Des activités tranquilles, paisibles, faciles mais demandant un peu d'attention sont rares dans nos vies. Nous roulons toujours à 100 Km à l'heure (120 pour mes amis en Alberta!). Mais nous pourrons s'arrêter de temps en temps pour s'offrir une activité "zen", que ce soit nettoyer la piscine, brosser les chats, ramasser les branches qui sont tombées durant la dernière journée de vent, contempler la flamme d'un feu ou d'une chandelle, écouter de la musique...on pourrait se rédiger une liste et choisir au hasard quand l'envie nous prend d'arrêter pour un moment.

Tout ça fait partie du soin que nous devons porter à notre corps et notre esprit. Cette fin-de-semaine, trouvez-vous du temps pour rédiger votre liste d'activités zen et choisissez-en une...après tout, vous avez passer à travers la semaine, c'est une bonne raison pour vous donner une récompense!

Bonne fin-de-semaine!

Monique

The medium is the message

2009-05-19T12:36:00.000-04:00

In 1964 (the year I was born!), Marshall McLuhan coined this phrase. I never quite understood what he meant; whenever anyone spoke of this, they assumed you knew what it meant. But I think I figured it out and how it is even more relevant today.

Back in the 60s and 70s, the medium was television. Everyone seeing the same images, access for all, truth through divulging what was previously hidden. Historians claim that this was why the Vietnam War ended, why Nixon was forced to resign because of Watergate, why Pierre Trudeau won election after election. The message was: "see for yourself and make a difference".

Today, things are dramatically different. TV viewship is shrinking, Internet usage has taken over as western society's medium of choice. People no longer want to see what everyone else is seeing, they want to select, to participate. Of particular interest is the need for people to communicate their message. This is so obvious in social networking sites. When I heard that Twitter was designed so that you could tell people exactly what you were doing at any moment during the day, I figured it out...the message is "listen to me, hear what I am saying, notice me!". We have created a society that allows people to use technology to communicate their story...

Or is it that society forces us to use this technology? Perhaps we have become so individualized, so insulated from real contact that we must create and use technology to tell people what we are doing. Probably the most important gift my Mother gave me as a teenager was the 30 minutes at the end of each school day where she just listened...to all the "stuff" I needed to say, to hear of my successes and challenges, to tell me without words that I was important. Perhaps we need to think about the opportunities we have to do the same for each other; be there and listen, in real life, to let them know that they are important. Perhaps it is too easy to ignore people when they are 2-dimensional images on our computer screens.

L'importance de jouer

2009-05-15T07:22:00.000-04:00

Je me suis réveillée ce matin et un de mes chats a sauté sur le lit pour jouer son jeu préféré: "les souris en dessous des couvertures" (c'est quand tu bouges tes pieds comme s'il y avait des souris et le chat bondit pour les attraper). Je lui ai indulgé pour quelques moments et ça m'a fait penser à l'importance de jouer dans la vie.

Nos vies sont compliquées, nous sommes stressés, nous avons beaucoup de responsabilités et nous les prenons sur nos épaules. Mais nous sommes encore les mêmes êtres qui étaient, il y a longtemps, des enfants. Nous avons besoin de sortir du sérieux de temps en temps pour se divertir, pour donner à l'esprit un peu de souffle, pour rire. Plusieurs études scientifiques nous ont démontré comment ceci est bon pour notre santé. Je vous suggère de consulter le site Web de Loretta Laroche, une conférencière qui a fait beaucoup de recherches sur le sujet (voir http://lorettalaroche.com/).

Ce qu'on oublie, parfois, c'est que jouer n'a pas besoin d'être compliqué ou cher, ni de prendre beaucoup de temps. Si vous avez un chien ou un chat, prenez un vieux lacet de soulier, attachez quelque noeuds dans le lacet et lancez un bout vers votre animal. Sinon, lisez un vieux livre de BD que vous aimiez quand vous étiez jeune ou bien allez au parc voir les enfants jouer. Et l'Internet est parfait pour trouver quelque chose pour nous faire rire -- juste YouTube saura vous plaire pour plusieurs heures.

N'importe comment, trouvez-vous une manière de jouer aujourd'hui... vous verrez comment vous pourrez mieux gérer les stress de la vie quotidienne.

Gardening

2009-05-13T09:19:00.000-04:00

I'm taking the day off from my ÉnergieNow! work to do some gardening. Sounds strange in the middle of the week, but it reminds me of a topic of particular importance that I wanted to talk about in this blog.

I recently read a book by Dr. Kelly Lambert called "Lifting Depression". Dr. Lambert presents research suggesting that you can help lift depressive feelings by triggering certain parts of the brain -- this is called the "effort-driven rewards circuit". Without going into too much detail, the concept is to find an activity that requires physical movement, especially using your hands, something that requires the problem-solving part of your brain, and that has a particularly meaningful purpose for you.

While it has managed to be sunny this week, Montreal has had its share of clouds lately, and I'm left with a lower than average disposition. To pull me out of this rut, I figured gardening would be perfect. Doesn't hurt that there are millions of dandelions in my flower beds and some serious work is required to pull my yard together for the summer.

So, here I go! I'm sure I'll be pretty sore by the end of the day, but I will have beautiful flower beds to show for my hard work. Sounds perfect for a Wednesday!

Have a great day!

Monique

Interprétation positive

2009-05-12T12:41:00.000-04:00

(oh, oui, je vais écrire ce blog alternant entre l'anglais et le français -- alors les deux langues officielles y seront présentes!)

En parlant d'idées positives, j'ai eu la chance d'écouter une colloque présentée par John Ralston Saul il y a deux semaines, lors d'un festival littéraire. Il parlait de son nouveau livre, "Mon pays métis: Quelques vérités sur le Canada" ("A Fair Country" en anglais). Sa thèse est que la civilisation canadienne a trois piliers: l'anglophone, le francophone et l'autochtone. Il dit que le pilier anglophone est fort depuis longtemps, le pilier francophone prenait sa force depuis quelques décénies (après tout, il faut l'admettre si Stephen Harper peut se prononcer en français dans la chambre des communes!), mais que le pilier autochtone était encore faible.

Ensuite il a expliqué comment notre civilisation a été fortement influencée par la société autochtone; par exemple, notre système d'aide juridique vient d'expériences avec les Inuits dans le nord; la considération de nos eaux comme unificateurs (système de transport et de communication) au lieu d'un sépérateur (idée européenne qu'une rivière séparait les ennemis); l'acceptation de la diversité comme force; même la protection de l'individu et du groupe qui sont présents dans notre charte de droits et libertés.

Tout ça pour dire que des choses intéressantes arrivent quand on considère les autochtones du sens positif et non du sens négatif. Souvent on les présente comme les faibles de notre société, ceux qui ont besoin de notre aide, de notre contrôle...mais si on arrêtait un moment, on verrait que c'est peut-être eux qui devraient nous protéger, comme ils l'ont fait quand les européens sont venus il y a quelques centaines d'années.

Finalement, je suis fière d'être le résultat de ces trois piliers: mes ancêtres autochtones (si tu viens du Manitoba, c'est pas mal certain que tu as du sang autochtone), ma culture canadienne française et mes habitudes anglophones. Je prends ce qui a de meilleur des trois.

I'm blogging!

2009-05-11T08:34:00.000-04:00

Ok, maybe this is in response to the fact that I realized on Friday that I will be turning 45 this year! (OMG, is it possible that I'm getting old?). But actually, it's more likely that everything is telling me that I need to communicate in new ways to influence...and influence is what I'm all about.

For those of you who don't know me all that well, I created a Purpose statement 8 years ago. Without going into too many details, my purpose is all about "bettering the human experience". This is why I am in the coaching and consulting business. So this blog will be about bettering the human experience...through sharing ideas, stories, tools, experiences...anything that can help make this a better planet to live on.

There are only a two rules:

1) what is posted here will be positive; not necessarily life through rose-coloured glasses, but realistic positive messages;
2) no ranting, no complaining, no drama, no adrenaline-raising crises.

Ok, so now I've started. Oh yeah, that's today's message: start...follow the Nike advice and just do it! Once you've put it out there, you have to keep going -- I think that's often what success is all about.

Have a great day -- it's finally sunny in Montréal -- yay!

Monique